I've been under unbearable, unstoppable stress for about 6 weeks. But it's all over and now it's all about me. heh.

I live in the friendliest little beach community on the planet and I'm it's friendliest citizen. But I need to power down for a few days and hibernate. I hate being alone and I'm not sure I can resist wandering into the next-door-neighbor's patio super bowl party. Siiiiiiiiigh.

Any ideas? I have some of my own, but I want to hear what you've got first.

TIA ;o)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2016 10:41PM by shannon.

Two words: Netflix

It's SO hard to be such an obvious extravert and be alone.

I know and it took a lot of experience with extreme assholes to get me to want to spend time by myself.

I say give yourself a time limit at the party if you must go and don't beat yourself too much up if you stay over. Make an appetizer or dessert that no one can resist and when it's gone, LEAVE.

Start making some kind of broth on the stove and make an excuse to go check on it.

Be with one great person and really listen to what they say. Ask questions to clarify your understanding. Don't be afraid of quiet periods.

First off, decide if you want to be there for the whole thing. There's a beginning, middle, and an end to every party. You can tell the hostess ahead of time if you won't be there for the whole thing. Most people will be perfectly fine with that. Decide how long you want to be there.

When you get home, have something lined up that you want to do. Read, sketch, paint, clean, sleep,watch a good movie, whatever does it for you. That way when you get home you won't feel quite so empty or alone because you have something you want to do.

I lived alone for a very long time. I got so I quite liked the peace and quiet. I learned that I really liked spending time with ME. I always knew what to expect, and I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. That was hard to give up after I got married and had kids.

Now my hubby travels a lot and i'm alone a lot. I don't mind it. In fact, i'm a little concerned about losing my alone time once hubby retires. Enjoy the time you have with yourself. It can be some of the best of times.

I think it would be very difficult to turn an extrovert to an introvert. I would suggest that you be very selective who you see for the weekend. If being alone bothers you, meet a friend. If possible an introverted friend.

While I can fake extroversion when it is necessary, I am really just about the most introverted person I know.

My best friend of 55 years died a little over a year ago. We were best friends since before we were teens. I never really felt the need for other friends. We had known each other forever, we knew who the key players were in each others' lives, we never had to explain backstories, because we were THERE when it all happened. We trusted each other with EVERYTHING. While I think I am slowly recovering from her death, it still feels like my heart is bleeding (metaphorically) from the loss.

I have a very difficult time reaching out to other people. I probably seem cool and distant towards others, probably because I was horribly abused during my first marriage and am still hesitant in nearly everything I do, because I am afraid of being caught in a mistake. My current husband is probably the best thing that ever happened to me, because he constantly points out the positive points in my personality (I guess there ARE some!). But there is nothing like a "girlfriend." I'm not sure that men understand this.

One reason I love the silly movie "Mamma Mia" (aside from loving all the ABBA songs) is that it celebrates "girlfriends" in both the mother's and daughter's generations. In both sets of friends, they are completely at ease with one another, share everything, and think nothing of expressing affection for each other.

Maybe I can come out to your house (it's WARM there, right? And not far from a beach?? PARADISE!!!) and take "extrovert" lessons. I need to learn to reach out to others. Maybe it's not too late. You'd be a fabulous teacher, girlfriend!

No, catnip, you cannot fake being an introvert or an extrovert. You can't fake it. I think perhaps you are misunderstanding what those words mean.

Introvert does not mean shy, antisocial, or hermit-like. It doesn't even mean loner.

Extrovert doesn't mean friendly, outgoing, life of the party.

What those terms refer to is how being around other people makes you feel. Introverts often feel drained around a lot of other people. I am fine with very small groups of no more than 3-4 people. I am quite friendly and outgoing. I can be the life of the party, if I feel like it. But after a while, I am exhausted. I want to go home. I don't want to talk to anyone. I do not want company. I must be alone to recharge and then I will feel up to being social again.

Extroverts are just the opposite. There is such a thing as a shy extrovert. That would be a person who is shy around other people, but who derives their energy from having a social life. I think being a shy extrovert would be harder than being an outgoing introvert, but what do I know? I can't wait to get away from you people! ;>)

I'm kidding. But you can't fake it. Either being social wears you out or being alone wears you out. You can't suddenly pretend that you get energized and recharged from sitting at home Netflixing by yourself. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

If you really really need an excuse to be alone, volunteer to babysit and walk someones dog. Pet owners can always use a break, and their critters can be good company. They can also be a good excuse to arrive or late or leave early to a party. Most people understand a needy pet that can't be alone for too long.

Get a good book or two and curl up on the couch with some hot tea?

you can be RfM moderator for a few days.
That will keep you off the street !

Consider that there really is no convincing reason that you need to get out of your pajamas for the weekend.

Well, if being social and around other people recharges you, then trying to become an introvert will have the opposite effect you're looking for. If anything, I'd recommend a change of pace -- but hang out with different people than usual.

Introversion/extroversion is about where you draw your energy from. An introvert needs alone time to recharge; being with other people, no matter how pleasurable, can also be draining.

An extrovert fails drained by being alone too much. They draw energy from other people and leave parties feeling invigorated, whereas introverts know when it's time to leave because the battery icon is flashing.

Sorry, you cannot fake being an introvert any more than a cat can fake being a vegetarian. Go to the party and get your energy back.

God, wish I had your problem!

Well, it might help if you reflect that you might be driving neighbors crazy who prefer to be alone and not in conversation with you. I speak as an introvert. Getting involved in small talk with random chatty people is not enjoyable for me. After 2 minutes I am done, done, done! When you see people doing whatever outside (where you can get to them) and they are alone they probably prefer to be alone. They are thinking their own thoughts and you coming over to talk constitutes an interruption. Nothing personal but I would be dodging you. Selected by you for conversation I would be polite and feign interest until I could remove myself without offense to you. I would realize that as a chatty person yourself you would think we were having a grand time.

Yever tried yoga?

What a brilliant word "yever" is!!! Might it be spelled y'ever? But I don't think it needs the '... yever...

Yever jus wanna grab'er an kiss'er? hmmm... maybe it does need the '. Y'ever jus wanna grab'er an kiss'er? I think that looks better, in a sort of anti-grammaty way.

hate being alone, heh? usually I hate not being alone. dont you have any passions that you do on your own?

I'm an expert at being a lone introvert. I lived alone for several years, while my children were away at college. They would come for visits, but I was convinced that they would never move home again. So--I did have children. And, my kids left behind their old black lab. So--I did have a great dog.

If you are looking for something extreme, like a sensory-deprivation chamber, or a depressing place like a closet to sit in and cry all weekend, you are off track.

I love "solitude" on the weekends. It's peaceful, restful, rejuvenating, and it does re-charge my batteries. The key to my happiness is BALANCE. Because you are among people so much, and, as I recall, you have a large family, you will appreciate being left alone so much more! Often, in my solitary times, I plan my next social activity--is that counter-productive? Alone-time is valuable in getting to know who you are, and what you want. Life is always changing, and you are always growing. Maybe you want different things than you did before. You might find it interesting. Return and report!

You might have to tell a lie, and then live to back it up. For example, tell everyone you have the flu. Then you wouldn't dare go to the party and expose everyone. I once avoided my abusive brother, who wanted to stay at my house, by telling him my children and I would be leaving town, and needed to keep the house locked because of the dog. My brother was pushy, and told me he was coming, anyway. I sent my kids off to friends overnight, and locked the house, and turned off all the lights. I didn't have anyplace to go--people don't understand abuse, and I was embarrassed. I cowered in my back, upstairs bedroom, while my brother yelled and pounded on the door for about an hour. He even got the neighbors, and they came to my front door with my brother. Finally, they were all convinced I was out of town. I had plugged in timers to turn certain lights on and off, let the mail pile up, like I wasn't home. I let the dog out every night and early morning, when I knew my brother would be sleeping. He came back to the house twice more, on that visit.

I don't know if you want to go into complete hiding, or just "retrench" for a few days. Grocery shop ahead of time, in order to avoid running into people in the stores. Cook yourself your favorite "dinners for one", and use crystal and silver, if you have it. Pamper yourself. We all have friends who go to health spas whenever they feel like it. Give yourself a facial, mani, and pedi. Don't answer the phone. Don't watch the news. I consider the news to be outside contact. Read, instead. Go outside into nature. Go to a different beach, where no one knows you.

Movies on TV are the best! If you stay in your pajamas, that will keep you from sneaking out of your house. Wear CUTE newest most favorite pajamas, take a long, hot bath, wash your hair--otherwise you will get depressed.

In my alone times, I was happier if I accomplished something--nothing huge, but tackle those little tasks that have been bugging you for months, like washing the windows, mending clothes, clearing out the clutter in your drawers and cabinets. At the end of your lonely time, you'll have a nice pile of things to donate to Goodwill. Do something nice for someone else, if you can. Sing, dance, be free, because no one is there to watch you, or to judge you. See what happens!