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Posted by: Snowy ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 04:19PM
Frozen

Let it go! Let it go! Just kidding, not THAT Frozen. Lol.

I have only posted a few times here, but already a few people have picked up on my problem with boundaries and people-pleasing.

Anyway, I have been on a several-month people-pleasing binge, and it's starting to take enough of a toll that I'm getting angry with myself, which in this case I think is a good thing, as it's turning into a motivator to change.

One thing that has me mad right now is knowing how much I freeze up and not do anything. Out of an underlying fear of disapproval, I end up not pursuing my own goals. I don't want to hear other people's criticisms. And/or I feel like I "should" (there is that word I hate!!) keep my time free so that if they say "jump" I can jump. I look around me, and I'm currently noticing all the things I have put off or pushed aside, and how I've neglected myself.

I saw a Rotary Club sign at the park last week, and their slogan said Service Above Self, and it just made me angry. What a nice sentiment, sure, but I struggle so hard to do that in a healthy way that my slogan is probably Service To Everyone Else All The Time No Matter What And To Hell With Your Self.

Anyway, I guess I will channel my anger into courage. The courage to say no.

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 05:11PM
Re: Frozen

I get what you are talking about. Been there, done that.

Sometimes it helps to get outside yourself, and imagine that your best friend was doing for everyone except herself (or himself), and running herself into the ground, neglecting her own desires, self-care and goals.

What would you tell her (or him)? How about you be your OWN best friend.


One other thought: often we do no true favors when we rescue and do for others what they should plan ahead for and do for themselves. When I've let people take advantage of me, the anger I've felt toward myself is sometimes almost as bad as the resentment I've felt towards them. It's not a relationship building experience.

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Posted by: desertman ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 05:57PM
Re: Frozen

In order to survive I have a policy
I have to take care of me first.
Then I will be able to take care of my family.
After that comes Church and country.

I am who I am and I don't need anybody's endorsement to be that.

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