I went to an Atheist group meeting the other day.
And realized I didn't fit in.
It ended in a heated debate between a Libertarian and a Democrat, who was also an Evolutionary Biology professor, who tore the poor banker to shreads and told him he was a fucking idiot. Telling him he didn't know shit about Evolutionary Biology, announcing she had a 9:00 lecture on the domestication of dogs she needed to prepare, backed up her wheelchair and left.
I left with her.
Her, I get. I liked.
I'm not Mormon/Post Mormon or ExMormon or anything Mormon.
I'm not a theist, nor am I an Atheist. I believe the word "God" has been overused to the point of being a cliche, so why apply it to myself?
I'm not a Christian nor am I Anti-Christian.
I'm not a Deist, nor am I Pantheist.
I'm not Gnostic, nor Agnostic.
I'm neither Republican or Democrat.

Maybe I'm like Walter Sobcheck in the Big Lebowski,
"No you're not wrong Walter, you're just an asshole!"

Maybe I'm just Human Being, emphasis on the "Being."

Maybe I'm just a Homo Sapiens Sapiens and I'm perfectly content trying to live up to that potential we all have to become what our name means.

I don't get why everybody in the world feels a need to identify them selves with a STRONG group identity.
Like Sam Harris said in "The Problem with Atheism" What's wrong with just being a kind human being and debunking bad ideas wherever we encounter them?"

But society makes up stupid rules like, "No religion or politics!" because nobody can handle the fucking truth and their egoes get bruised if somebody speaks the truth in front of them.

Instead of defending the truth, they sulk away and give you the shunning silent treatment, MORmONs have mastered.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2016 04:42PM by Susan I/S.

I've always felt like that. But then a neighbour of my sister, who is a psychologist, told me that it's kind of a hallmark of people who have Asperger's. They tend to always feel that way.

When I've been through an awkward social moment, where I feel it more strongly than at other times, I'll sing the elf song from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, "Why am I such a Misfit?" That's kind of my theme song for myself.

Greyfort Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> it's kind of a hallmark of people who have
> Asperger's.

Or maybe a novelist?

What's the difference? ;)

woodsmoke Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What's the difference? ;)


That's just my point. We (most of us) live in a world that demands that you be upbeat and gregarious every moment of your life, but in fact most of the people who produce our greatest works of art and literature are the misfits, the chronically depressed, and the cynics. Maybe art can come only from those who are inclined to self-destruct. I firmly believe that those are the types of people who need to be listened to the most.

I'm agreeing.

Sometimes I feel like I fit in with these people.

http://www.break.com/video/windows-95-launch-party-3003979

Amen amen amen!! It's a very misunderstood place to be

Yes. :(

Yes. I took grade 12 so I could get some classes I need to write my college entrance exam and get into Ricks and knew no one. I was a fish out of water for most of that year. Luckily I could hang out and drink with my old school pals on the weekends and raise hell. Never even went to my HS grad.

RB



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2016 03:27PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

The idea that you must find people just like you to "fit in" is, in my opinion, a Mormon artifact.

I am overjoyed when sitting with tatooed, pierced, swearing people like my best friend (Like Cheryl, I look like a RS president! We've joked about it....). I love nothing more than seeing lots of diversity around me. It reminds me of how unique we all are and how that's perfectly fine. Bring on the assholes! There's room for them in the world too!

Recently I saw a documentary about the Communist Museum in Budapest, Hungary. It's the actual building where Hungarians were tortured in the basement. There's the devices, the eavesdropping stations, and the guided tour talks about those terrible times.

A lot of it sounded like Mormonism, including the mention that the Communists tried to make everyone dress the same, look the same, and say the same things.

It is healthy to remember that we are just women among women, each of us unique and annoying in our own way. Personally, I attend an Atheist breakfast once a month and I look forward to the substantive conversation with people who know a lot of facts, have read a lot of books and are not trying to convert me.

It's an old hackneyed phrase, but there's good and bad in all. I remember fondly the wonderful sincere Mormon women I used to think I knew, realizing now that I never really knew them at all because they weren't allowed to tell me what they really thought, just mimic the script they were taught.

Such a waste of humanity, men and women alike.

Thank goodness we can celebrate being part of the human family world wide, in all the glorious diversity.


Kathleen

I second what Kathleen has posted. Try being a little existential--we're all weird so why not welcome the weirdness that makes people fun. Best wishes! The Boner.

The 'need to fit in' ----- is what governments and religions depend on to keep control.

Feeling like you don't fit in is really healthy!

For many years I felt like I did not fit in anywhere . I was right.

This caused a lot of unfathomable pain for many years.

Oddly enough, in mid-life I began to treasure not fitting in anywhere. I began to like my odd quirks rather than try to fix them to make myself presentable. I began to enjoy not being agreed with. This made me feel exotic. Mysterious. Indefinable. This freed me. This let me do and be exactly what I wanted to be with no further agenda.

I came to like that. I came to like the odd quirks others.

I built my own life and filled my world with just what I wanted and then invited other people in. Some came. Some stayed. Some were horrified. Some of the interactions and exchanges have been exhilarating and fulfilling---and often temporary. But there is always a next one. You never know what's around the corner but it's okay because you find your own self to be a bit of fun.

I think the labels or "strong identities" as you put it are just the manifestation of the need of introverts to not just be "one more" and for extroverts to be part of "the in crowd." These seem to me to be basic human needs along with a need to feel superior and not just another brick in the wall.

Some really do want to be just another brick in the wall as long as that wall is in the "right" building, like a Mormon Chapel. Others aren't interested in putting walls up at all.

I didn't fit anywhere in the church when I was as mormon as they come. Being bused to school from the poor side of town left an opening for ridicule and bullying in a predominantly mormon school where the more rich are seen as more blessed by God.

And it didn't matter that people would say that I was beautiful. At school, I didn't hear the compliments. But, I did feel the shunning of other girls. Especially, the wealthy ones. I suppose it's possible...the jealous one's. But, I don't know.

Seems the poor were all despised.

It "mattereth not" in the church how really good a person is or moral or kind. You are never deemed worthy or enough. For many of us...you can't win the prize until you go to heaven. You know that place you've never seen or been?

What matters is 5.5 kids, that you can take several vacations a year, that you have a lovely large home and are well provided for, that you wear the right jeans, that you can brag about your kids missions and temple marriages. And prattle on for an hour about any and all gospel related nonsense!

So, glad to be out of that bull shit!

there's a whole community of people who literally hang out in hammocks on a nude beach and make jewelry to sell to tourists, out of shells and rocks all day long.
I think I could hang with them.

Koriwhore - One of the problems I have found is that no matter the premises going in, each group ends believing in the same weird stupid sorts of crap. That includes non-theist groups as much as theist groups. I attended a few meetings of the local secular humanists, and it was completely ludicrous - NO different in essence than a religious meeting: just as many evidence-free dogmas, just as much black-and-white thinking...it was pretty much all the same.

Agree with that--a lot of the religious meetings/groups I've been a part of have been very 'us vs. them, everyone else is stupid'-y. I went to a few atheist groups a few years ago just to see what they were like; it was pretty much the same. 'LOL theists' was basically the theme. It was funny for a bit, but it gets old fast.

Some of us don't travel well in packs. I howl at my own moon.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2016 05:14PM by donbagley.

It's funny because I have been contemplating this all day. Since leaving Mormonism I can hardly stand to be around any of my old friends and family. Even if they are not Mormon. I am not sure if this is a good stage of moving in another direction, or if I am isolating myself in a bad way. I am so tired of listening to other people's dramas and opinions. I just want to get clear in my own head what my ideas and thoughts are. I know I am hurting many people by pulling away, and so then guilt sets in and I tell myself I am not becoming better through this behavior. But I honestly don't miss these interactions, and forcing the few I do is just painful. I too wonder if I will ever fit in anywhere, or die a lonely person.

Gone girl, I can so relate to this! I seem to isolate myself more and more both from the mormon and non community at large.

Had way to much of the mormon judgements and superiority complex. And way to much of the other popular opinions.

I don't know if this is a common process upon leaving. For this, I am glad that you brought it up. Perhaps, it is a part of separating ourselves to re-find and create ourselves without all the influence and un welcome opinions of others.

I do also realize now that I do need people though. Despite, my acts of separating myself from them. So, am working on ways to bring them back into my world, to set boundaries I was never taught to have, and to choose who can stay. Best luck to us both! :-)

And I also have grown to just not care. I am very picky about who I spend time with. My boyfriend is also quirky and we are entirely different from each other, but it worked years ago and it works now. His family is thrilled he found someone who puts up with his quirkiness.

My son and brother are the same way and we very much identify with each other.

I was like satans sister. I was as mormon as they come and I didn't fit in ANYWHERE. I learned to just go to church and come home, tried not to socialize with anyone. I went because I believed and for no other reason. I'm so glad I don't have to socialize with THOSE PEOPLE anymore.

I feel like I am in a similar position. I find that I spend much of my time biting my tongue. Those at work and in my neighborhood are fairly religious and when they discuss science, politics, and religion, I am usually not on the same page as them. Any comments that come to mind in such discussions would probably offend everyone in the group. Many of these people are overly sensitive to opposing opinions and it isn't worth the effort trying to tiptoe around their feelings.

I didn't really feel like an insider as a Mormon, yet that's who I was for the first half of my life.

Rebelled as a teenager, and hung out with other rebels and black sheep from mostly LDS families, until moving to the west coast and finishing high school in Silicon Valley.

At the time I was a folk singer/songwriter who identified with Janis Joplin and Joan Baez, both outsiders as teenagers in their hometowns.

Just watched a documentary this week on Joplin's life: Little Girl Lost. We had some things in common. Both left home early, and moved to the west coast, both in music. I sang some of her songs in high school, and same with Joan's.

Strange but the town I finished high school was the same one where Joan dropped out at age 16. Funny how life took us in some parallel paths.

Joplin always felt like an outsider, who escaped into drugs and alcohol, and of course her music. Joan's escape was as social activist. One's still with us today, thank goodness. Both were/are great musicians many like myself drew our inspiration from.

Being a Mormon is all about being the same. That's just boring.

Especially when it has so little to do with individuality or uniqueness. It was like a wet security blanket. After so long it just became smothering and then suffocating.

Glad to be freed from it, but still have ties to it as long as I have family who remain in it.

Being my own person doesn't make me feel like an outsider any longer. I've come into my own. Self acceptance and the acceptance of others in my little world affirms that I'm at peace in terms of my place in the world. Although nothing is static. Life is about constant change even when we're standing still.

I've spent my life learning to roll with the punches. I didn't ask to be born, let alone born a Mormon. I'm thankful I've been free thinking enough to be able to figure it out and leave to make a life outside of its parameters.

And yet I still retain many of the same values I was raised with, while eschewing the religion itself. I'm still rather conservative, just not the way Mormons view the world. Have come full circle though from a teenage liberal to where I am now. If anything I've become more accepting of diversity from raising children who had a quite different upbringing from my own. Embracing change is part and parcel of a life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2016 09:27PM by Amyjo.

Yep.

My mis-fit-ness was emphasized last week when I seemed to have been the only one who was mourning the death of Dan Hicks...

Oh--I so feel like a loner--especially driving home just now, past crowded restaurants, on Saturday-Before-VD-Eve--home to a dark house and a dog.

For some strange reason, I'm happier than I've ever been. I don't have to pretend to be popular, or intelligent, or talented, or special in any way. Both my parents were from Mormon Royalty, and they looked like movie stars. My father was on the BYU football team, and a gifted business man. My mother was a ballet dancer--on the stage--and was offered a movie contract. Of course, they expected me to be amazing, too.

Maybe part of my alone-ness is that I've always known the truth about myself. Minus the nice clothes, house, car, good manners, good grades, being pleasing to others--I always felt like a fraud, inside. The truth is, that I am nothing.

I really identify with those of you who never felt you belonged, even when you were active TBM's.

I seriously worry about myself, and Ohio State, Gone Girl, Cl2, Satan's sister, and other ex-Mormons who don't enjoy being around Mormons at all. I have a serious question:

Are we becoming full of hate, just like the Mormons? I hope we haven't come this far and worked so hard, just to end up being snarky, prejudiced, and judgmental, after all. For example, I feel very uncomfortable socializing with a group of Mormons--to the point I feel almost sick. They will make a racist comment, or make fun of someone who is handicapped, or rip on gay people, and I actually feel my heart-rate speed up! I don't like confrontation, so I just stand there awkwardly, planning my exit.

Once I escape, I don't go back, either. Last Christmas was one of my happiest Christmases ever--and I didn't go to any of the parties. I sat home and babysat my grandchildren.

Am I getting early-onset Alzheimer's? Do I have Asperger's like my brother?

Here's a good point:

When we quit the Mormon cult, we suddenly have more free time, in which to pursue the hobbies and activities we love. We are no longer TOLD what to like (such as RS crafts and genealogy) and told what to hate (political and environmental activism, music that is not LDS, R Movies). OK. My favorite hobbies are reading, gardening, hiking with my dog, exercising and staying fit, playing the piano, re-modeling our house. The point is, all of these activities are done ALONE!

The only socializing I choose, is with my family. Other socializing is draining and depressing. I come home wishing I had never gone to that place. We need to appreciate our inner happiness. Solitude is under-rated!

nonmormons as a mormon. I had quite a few nonmormon friends, some who are my best friends from when I was 20 years old who I met at work. I felt more comfortable with nonmormons than mormons and I could never get dates with mormon guys, but I could date almost any nonmormon I wanted. I was SURPRISED that I was actually considered attractive because I had never had a date in high school from mormons.

I have quit talking to some mormons because of the new gay policy and their attitude. I just yet again got disgusted with my daughter and her actions and cut her off. She can either treat me with dignity and respect or she can leave me alone. I'm tired of getting my heart broken by her. But I actually do associate with mormons, just recently making 2 good mormon friends.

The thing is--MANY MORMONS talk down to you, as though they are oh so wise and if only you'd figure it out. I'm older than them and I HATE that condescending attitude. Come live my life and then tell me who is wise.

When I first went inactive, I had no time whatsoever to pursue hobbies. I was raising 2 kids and working 2 jobs. I still work. My hobbies ARE cleaning the house, spending time with my boyfriend, MY DOGS. I don't even have time for reading, which I won awards for in school. I have a pile of books I've bought and just can't seem to read (I think it is because of my job.)

I have no idea how I had time to be a mormon.

I hope we are not becoming full of hate cl2. The majority of my interactions are still with Mormon friends and family. I choose to still interact with them on an increasingly limited basis because I do love them and the history we share of raising our children together and the fun experiences we have enjoyed, and still do on occasion.
The problem is, I can only show a version of myself that fits in their box. When I try to pull them forward with an opinion that isn't part of the group think, it gets awkward. I'm frustrated because I want to have more authentic experiences with the people I have spent so much time with. But that just isnt going to happen. So I have been pulling away. I am a pretty social person,so it surprises me how much I enjoy spending time alone lately. I don't feel hate, as much as just a call to realign and find balance. But I want to get to a place where I attend a family event that doesn't feel like a sacrifice on my part. I truly would like to move away, experience a vast new world and come back once a year to visit. Gotta get the last child graduated first though!!

I grew up fitting in with Mormons but not wanting to. I wanted to fit in with nevermos, but didn't. Fortunately, I found a career where being a misfit was valued so, ironically, I fit in.

Yes, I have felt that way.
But, after mormonism, being happy with myself, and content with the way I am...I don't care. I gave up the need to change myself to "fit in" a long time ago. I'm me. I don't "fit in" lots of places (churches, for example). Don't care. :)