I got an e-mail from a Mormon therapist who treats Mormons. He wrote to tell me I should correct some false statements and implications on my website about Mormons.

He admitted that he doesn't really believe the BoM or the BoA any more, but he sees advantages in being Mormon. (He referred to his doubts as his own "personal struggle").

He asserted that Mormons are happy people, according to surveys. The only unhappy Mormons, he says are the ones that are doubting its claims and trying to decide whether to leave the church. That Mormons in general are happy is demonstrated by the fact that when they get depressed, they get medications to keep them happy. So they are, in fact, happy.

He did not cite the alleged survey(s), but I doubt the validity of any such survey. What objective test can be used to test a person's happiness? If it's a Mormon that the survey-taker is interviewing, of course the answer to the question "Are you happy?" will be "OF COURSE! - I follow the teachings of the Church and the counsel of my priesthood leaders, all of which promises me that I will be happy. So therefore I am happy!" He gets his wife and his seven kids in, and says to them: "Tell this feller whether you're happy or not, or I'll belt you one! You're happy, aren't you?" "Yes, Father, we're happy." "Say it with more feeling, goldarnit!" "ARE YOU HAPPY!" "Yes, yes, we're very, very happy!" To the survey-taker: "See? We're all very, very happy. We're MORMONS!"

You are right, if they self report they aren't going to be honest or even realistic. It has to be another measure where there isn't a filter. A control test where their bias is filtered out.

We point to the anti-depressant usage. We talk anecdotally about our own guilt while mormon and happiness after leaving.

What do unhappy people look/act like and what is an accurate way to measure. I don't known.

Not any that I saw at SM today

It's a common misconception that all Mormons are happy. I even put myself in that category for a long time. When I strayed from 'The Church' I felt unhappiness. So that must mean the Church is true, right? Wrong.
My happiness came from an immature need for approval. When I was doing my damnedest to be a good Mormon girl, I was praised and appreciated for it. When I stopped, I was chastised, shunned, and even told that the 'light was gone from my eyes.'
Of course these things make a young impressionable person feel unhappy.
I think that much of Mormons 'happiness' is their certainty that they're getting it right. They may feel grumpy but at least they'll make it to the celestial kingdom! So any struggle or hardship should be surmountable with this enormous eternal victory in sight. I think constant praise and admiration is far too much of a motivation for most Mormons. Maybe if they used their true internal compass to dictate their actions, they would find real happiness and not the facade they so often portray.

As RfMer's, like it or not, there are indeed many happy Mormons. To think otherwise is to be in as much denial as many Mormons are over the truthfulness of it's theology.

I don't think anyone is arguing that there aren't happy Mormons. However, as a group, are they the happiest people out there? I doubt it.

Many of the Mormons in my area are clearly overburdened with too many kids and church responsibilities. They let their kids, some as young as 3, roam the neighborhood all day every day and constantly vent about needing to get away from their kids. At church they look like they're about to crack.

Last year or the year before two of the three bishopric members here asked to be released specifically because the time away was damaging their relationships at home. I've heard the same thing from every family member I have that's been a bishop. They're devout members, but they weren't happy.

I know several people that have been on anti-depressants long-term, and I wouldn't describe any of them as happy. They're just surviving.

Are most Mormons unhappy? I wouldn't argue that. As a whole, I'd say they're about average or slightly below average. I'd also say that's trending downwards as more of them start to learn the truth, one spouse leaves, kids feel trapped, etc... The number of happy TBM's is clearly shrinking.

North Koreans are happy. Just ask them.

"He asserted that Mormons are happy people, according to surveys."

I can assure you that I was unhappy the whole time I was a TBM. I always felt that I either wasn't good enough, or wasn't doing enough. This mindset springs from the church's leaders constantly telling that. When I read some of my TBM relatives' posts on FB about the church, their unhappiness comes through. They're always writing things like "We need to get this work done" or "We need to do more" etc. Living a Mormon lifestyle is like trying to climb a ladder which has no top rung. You spend your entire life climbing.

"The only unhappy Mormons, he says are the ones that are doubting its claims and trying to decide whether to leave the church. That Mormons in general are happy is demonstrated by the fact that when they get depressed, they get medications to keep them happy. So they are, in fact, happy."

And this guy's a therapist, right? He makes a good living by treating depressed people and prescribing anti-depressants, right? Well, I suppose that if I was him, I'd have his attitude too.

If you are trained to be in complete denial about the BoM, BoA, first vision, polygamy, etc, you are also trained to be in complete d Niall about your own feelings. I've known Mormons who have no idea how they feel. They know how LDS Inc feels. If it doesn't have an opinion on a subject, neither do they.

I bet Jeff Holland claims to be happy. Nuff said.

And I had another person mention to me last night how my daughter just continues to become more and more unhappy since she went back to THE church 9 years ago.

Especially so since she stood up someone at the alter back in October and wants to pretend to everyone that she is happy. She posts scriptures daily on fb explaining her reasons. It is getting ridiculous. She is concerned about her ability to receive revelation.

I got off fb again just because of this. I can't take it anymore.

As a Mormon, I was always taught that if I was unhappy, it was my own fault--that I wasn't being spiritually-minded enough, that I wasn't praying enough, or reading my scriptures enough. I was told that if I was depressed, it was because I had allowed Satan into my heart.

So, if you ask a Mormon if he or she is happy, they're likely to say yes.

One summer Sunday, I arrived home from church and went to join my parents on the back deck, who were relaxing and enjoying a cool drink.

I flopped into a deck chair and breathed a heavy sigh.

My mother looked at me and asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

I said, "Yeah, sure."

She asked, "Why doesn't your church make you happy?"

I was so startled by this question. I just went, "Huh?"

She explained that every Sunday, I came home and I look tired and spent. She thought that church was supposed to be uplifting, so she couldn't understand why I needed to chill and shake off church whenever I came home on Sundays.

I hadn't even realized that I was doing this. It was a very confusing experience for me, because I'd basically been told by the Church that it was there to make me happy. So why wasn't I happy?

It took me years to figure it out.

I was the same way every Sunday. I think most Mormons are. My TBM wife is the same EVERY Sunday. She comes home complaining about something and then needs to take a nap. I don't know how she doesn't recognize what a drain church is. Of course, if I brought it up, she'd probably argue that being bombarded by the spirit for three hours just takes it's toll on you.

Definitely agree and see the 'drain' that church/Sundays cause on my TBM relatives.

I can vividly remember a lot of complaining about assignments, people not helping, noise, boring lessons, etc. etc. and having to take a nap each Sunday after church.

I still recognize complaining and being tired in my TBM relatives while I normally work out for a couple hours and never tired anymore on Sundays where I take a nap. That applies especially to those families with young kids.

Church seems to throw the kids off schedule so they get cranky or full of energy after church (depending on age).

Happiness is a 'state of mind' so anyone, undergoing anything can be happy if they want to be!

Mormons take great pride in saying that they have the happiness market cornered. They have the secret recipe that all of the world is looking for. Remember that classic film, "Man's search for happiness". Everyone outside of the church, only thinks they know what happiness is.

So they are conditioned to always say, "yes I am happy". Then go home and take their antidepressants.

Yes, I'm sure many are. My husband was a happy person. I was happy, about as happy as possible under the circumstances of my life while a member. What I didn't know at the time, is that I would be much, much happier without the overlay of the religion and it's intrusiveness. People are generally happy with some areas of their lives and not so happy about others. It's the general nature of our lives.

Mormons will self-report being happy because in their own little bubble world of limited experience and knowledge, they believe they are. And in the context of that world, they probably are. I would have reported being happy when I was in my 20s even though I can look back on it now and see how miserable I was. But I was miserable compared to how happy I am now. I was happy compared to the people I **thought** were unhappy. If that makes any sense.

So it hurts nothing. We all search for happiness and if that is what makes them happy--let them be happy. Some people actually need that kind of controlled life. So of course, this person would say that Mormons are happy until they start to doubt. Duh... Hello! When they start to doubt, they realize that maybe there is more out there for them. Ignorance truly IS bliss.

I would tell this therapist that a) the day Mormons are a happy people is the day that he is out of a job, and b) the high volume of anti-depressant prescriptions in Utah speaks for itself.

One of my brothers is a licensed family therapist, trained/licensed from BYU with his PhD in psychiatric social work.

He's raised a large brood, most of them adopted through foster care. My sister-in-law spent the majority of their marriage suffering from what she described as chronic fatigue. I believe it well may have been depression she was masking for all those years.

Meanwhile their younger children were raised by the older children, because she was too tired to cope with all of them. The oldest children were their biological ones. The younger ones were not as attached to the family - they were the adopted ones from pretty messed up homes in Utah.

For supposedly being sealed to their large family of adoptees, I was surprised to see that the adopted ones are not listed on our family heritage website. Only the bio kids are listed.

That brother has traditionally been an apologist for all things Mormon, including the history of the church from J. Smith on down to present day.

Are they happy? If you asked him, he'd say they are. If you ask their oldest adopted daughter, she'd tell you something different. She was cut off from them after she served no more purpose to being an indentured servant in their household to his wife, apparently.

Last I heard she's living in Provo, and told me herself that her adoptive parents have all but forsaken her because she's moved out of the home where she was treated like a maid while the older (bio kids) were treated like royalty, and she was forced to be home schooled and labeled as a slow learner when she wasn't.

My dad when he was still living used to tell me that she was in fact highly intelligent. That my brother and his wife labeled her as slow in order to keep her "wings clipped" if you will.

Now she's on her own, and just a hurt and bewildered adult child. So no, she isn't a happy product of her LDS family. And though I can't speak for my brother, I'm calling his bluff if he were to say they are happy or well rounded.

His world view may be warped from having grown up Mormon. But there's where it stagnated.

I doubt anyone can be truly happy in this crazy world of ours. I settle for a modicum of inner peace and stability, if that's even possible to achieve. Joy I can claim however, but that's irrespective of my having being LDS.

It was a great moment to realize that I still had joy after leaving TSSC. Even more abundantly than what I'd known as an LDS. They don't own the rights to it, it was never theirs to begin with.

I'll trade my inner joy for happiness any day. Happiness is something I believe you can cultivate to a degree. Joy is just something one either has or hasn't, but it doesn't depend on circumstances. It's a state of being.

Even if they ARE "happy" (which I doubt), there are more important things in life than just being "happy."
Like being honest.

And as it turns out, generally, being honest helps you be "happy." How about that.

They will not know true happiness until they get out of the box and realize the presents are/ the real presence is really on the outside, if your heart knows the truth on the inside.

Problem is Mormons are taught to think and believe they know/ have the truth ("happiness") and so therefore search no longer, dig no deeper, live no stronger!