Living in mormonville for a long time and wondering whether:

mormons gossip more than others?
Are the topics of the gossip any different than those in non mormon neighborhoods?
mormons play "living up to the Jones'" more than non mormons?

or are mormons probably like everyone else?

1. Yes. The mormons have an entire community (their Ward) to use as gossip fodder. Supposedly, eveyone in this closed community knows everyone else (or should). This can be between 300 and 500 people.

2. Yes. Topics include those who might not be dressing modestly, drinking caffeinated drinks, not going to church or the temple often enough, having enough children, etc.

3. Yes. Besides competing with the Jones's in regards to 'goodies' (having a riding lawn mower, having a boat, having RV vehicles, going on exotic vacations, etc.), mormons have to compete with each other in their church attendance, temple attendance, and their offices and 'callings' in their church.

It's helps members feel involved and they think it demonstrates "caring."

"I'm worried about poor darling Sister Sylvia. I saw a coffee maker in her kitchen and a slutty book on her coffee table."

They are so overly insecure and self-conscious about where they stand in the world that everything they do is over-the-top obsessive-compulsive.

So ...gossip? ...keeping up with the Smiths? All that is on steroids.

Well all I can say is thank god for Kindles. No one has any idea what I'm reading. I can sit right in the middle of Temple Square and read really disgusting erotica and no one would know.

LOL, I use my iPhone. It's even more discreet.

I think Mormons gossip way more. There are way more commandments to keep and judge others for not keeping than in the real world. In the real world, there's pretty much one rule: Play nice. That's it.

When I think way back to 2 months ago when I was a TBM, I volunteered extensively at school events, running an auction with a good friend, and I don't remember any gossip.

I'm also heavily into paper crafting, and have a large, extended group of friends who all know each other. There is no drama unless someone doesn't play nice i.e. passing off another's design as one's own.

Even when I lived in a neighborhood (on a farm now), we didn't gossip like LDS do. We had one lady who was abused by her hubby and we all chatted about how we could help as she was hauled to the hospital and him to jail. There was no glee in the talk, just how we could support and help.

The first conversation I ever had with one of the Mos in my neighorhood started off with him trash talking and giving me personal details about other neighbors, and then asking how much rent I paid. My immediate reaction was to make a mental note never to tell him anything I knew about anyone, and certainly nothing about myself, or it would be on the jungle telegraph before I got back inside my front door. They always have (and volunteer) full details of anything that happens on our street, even when they don't know the people involved.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2012 05:42PM by inmoland.

There's a lady in our ward like that. I could tell right away and I never tell her anything personal.

My mormon neighbor is viscously attacking me in the neighborhood with lies. Any suggestions?

This happened to me as well. My nosy neighbor used to note when I left my house/came back, who visited me,

First, do some evidence-gathering and documentation (talk to neighbors, see if you can catch her gossiping and record it on the smartphone in your pocket, etc.), then confront her with it. If she still denies/lies, then do what I did: give her enough rope to hang herself. Set up a particularly juicy but fake incident she can see or hear, or have someone else drop a made-up rumor to her about you. Have fun tracking it, and then confront her.

After I became a single parent and had the nerve to go to college, the ward became a rumor factory. One neighbor loved to report all sorts of false stories to the bishop. When I visited with him, I was shocked to hear (wildly untrue) tales of my late-night club-hopping, a parade of men to my home, and apparently a drug lab in my basement.

Never let Mormons into your home (or even peer past you at the door into your home). Keep your curtains closed, your car in the garage, and tell nothing to anyone, not even trivial details (instruct your children to stay silent also). Anything they think they see or hear will be used against you. If there's nothing, they will make something up.

LOL! They would never guess!
____________

When I returned after 20yrs to the church, I was taken back by all the gossip. I have always had a hard time defining "gossip" and have asked many people about it. The TBMs gossip, imo. They go way beyond spreading information for support and it sinks to who's more rightous than who(they don't use that word, but I know).

What surprized me was how quick I could fall back into that mindset. Rather shocking to myself.

It seems to be a rock that the woman cling to, justify and live. Talking about and judging others all in the guise of "helping"

crappola

:)

there is a lot of talk about things that were supposed to stay
between bishop and member

how does that happen?

I told the Bish some private things having to do with my son's PTSD. My son is inactive Mo and my hubby is dead. In some ways I still do look to my son for answers and help. I live behind his house and we share driveways.

Evidently the Bish shared this private info with my HTs. It turned out horrible and I explained to my Bish that if he had any worries about my son that he should go to him and ask.
The ladies had took it and blew it up to be frightened of him. My son deserves respect, 7yrs active medic and disabled. The 2 ladies said they were not comfortable coming to my home and we should go out to breakfast. SLAM ME TO THE WALL! This was after I took the misshie lessons at my home.

Happened a week before I left. Helped me leave.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2012 02:03PM by mindlight.

I lived in a total TBM neighborhood for 25 years. I know I was gossip and judgemental fodder. Some of the friendly ones came over and told me some of the talk that went on. I loved it. It was amazing how they knew so much about me,,and never met me or talked to me.
I sold out and moved out of state. Love it.

We live in Mormondumb and people gossip quite a bit. My TBM neighbor that lives across the street has always been very friendly to me but talks so much crap on everybody. It makes me wonder what she says about me. I wear tank tops and my neighbors almost make it a point to look at my shoulders when we're having a conversation. It's like they want me to know that they don't approve.

I get that with tank tops, too, but it's more like nervous discomfort from a couple of the guys, who always try to look down or away when forced to speak to me, and run away as soon as they can, before I can even finish a sentence or get out a "thank you", or whatever. One of them actually turned his head all the way to the side wall by my door and stared at my doorbell instead of looking me in the face when he had to come to my door for something! (I was wearing a very low-cut, cleavage-y tank top). Poor guys, you gotta laugh. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2012 06:11PM by inmoland.

I work in a small office and it's impossible to avoid hearing the other conversations going on.

Recently a coworker was visited by a man who once her home teacher but had relocated. They began to discuss the woman who had bought his former home. They discussed how she didn't attend, how her son didn't participate in scouts, how she didn't accept invitations to RS meetings, etc. They then strategized how to get her active and how to go around her to her son......you know the drill.

Finally, I had to speak up. She is a grown woman who has the right to make decisions about her life and her son's activities. You don't know her reasons and even if you did you don't have to like or agree with her reasons. You do have to respect her privacy and allow her to make her own choices without interference or gossip. You certainly don't have the right to approach her minor son without her permission.

They looked at me like I had grown another head. Although later my coworker (a convert) told me sheepishly that I was right.

Mormons are always trying to categorize people, and will lie in their gossip, in order to do so. I was a single woman, therefore they thought I must be having some kind of sex life outside of marriage. I wasn't, so they invented a sexual affair between me and my singles co-chairman. We did date, but they were wrong. What they didn't know was that he was gay.

If you miss church now and then, you are becoming a "less active" and they start love-bombing you, and giving you extra callings, to force you to go to church more often. They over-involve your children.

If you officially resign, you are an apostate. According the the Prophet himself, even TSM, you are "The lazy, the offended, the wicked...who want to sin." They will lie about you, to fit you into that category. My TBM neighbors decided I was "offended" because my children were abused. Well, yeah. What about the abusers? They were promoted to SP, mission president, bishop.

My Mormon neighborhood doesn't like it when good things happen to apostates. One neighbor came into our driveway last week, to ask if my son owned his new car, or was leasing it. He didn't like to hear that my son owned it. They do ask intrusive questions. One neighbor asked why my daughter had only one child, and had stopped. I told her to please not ask my daughter about that, because she had had 2 miscarriages in a row, and was having a hard time dealing with that.

None of this stuff ever happened in our normal neighborhood, outside of Utah, where we lived before, or working in the schools there.

We all know how gossip goes along with prejudice, hatred, fear, and phobias. I didn't like listening to it, and had to leave the room, sometimes. I'm so glad to be away from that. My neighbors are shunning me, and I hope to keep it that way.

Definitely worse in Utah, where all your neighbors are in your ward so you all know each other. Outside of Utah, not so much. Utah Mormons are a whole lot different than other Mormons when it comes to gossip and a whole range of other things.

I think one difference is that Mormons are a lot more aware of their neighbors especially in Utay.

Think about ward boundaries in Utah. Someone can live across the street and if they aren't in your ward they hardly seem to exist. That's more how it is for non-Mormon's I think - you meet some of your neighbors but you interact with your own friends, etc.

So yes I think neighborhood gossip exists more among Mormons simply because neighborhoods interact a lot more.

Utah is definitely gossip central. It's the nature of the LDS church to try to know everything about everyone. That's why everyone is assigned spies....I mean home and visiting teachers. After the home and visiting teachers return and report, all the nitty gritty can be discussed in ward council meeting. Then it really spreads like wildfire.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2012 04:41PM by want2bx.

In most neighborhoods, you're just not that intimately connected to that many of your neighbors. However, in Utah and some other Mormonville areas, you may know every person in a 3 square block radius because that's all it takes to make up a ward. So yes, the gossip machine is much more active and sophisticated than anywhere else and is constantly in motion.

It's the worst with mormon women. For one thing, they're usually not all that educated or have any sort of professional job. And they pit themselves against the ones who are and don't have time to play their silly little games.

And no, they don't play "keeping up with the Joneses" as well as anyone else, they play it better. For many mormon women, that's the only thing they have to give them any self esteem is thinking they have things their neighbors don't and thinking all the neighbors covet them. I know someone who it seems her only joy in life is thinking people are jealous of her even though she has all the things she has for the sole reason that her husband is a crook. But yeah, whatever floats their boat.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2016 09:51AM by NormaRae.

My, how Christlike.

Well, I think it comes from the brainwashing that you are all part of the big LDS family/tribe, just like siblings will trash talk to other siblings.

It follows then, that not only are you part of a big same-religion family, you are stuck in the pressure cooker of that big monolithic group, and despite admonitions to be humble, you may find yourself trying to show off and get attention/approval in that massive "family".

It's the ultimate "Marcia Marcia Marcia!"