Posted by:
Adam's good friend Steve
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Date: March 04, 2016 04:59PM
This is something I'm not proud of. It happened a long time ago.
Remember Boyd K. Packer's talk about beating up gays? Well, I almost beat up a guy because of it.
It was a few years ago. We were having a ward barbecue. I was standing around minding my own business when I saw Earl approaching. Now Earl is an effeminate guy. Everyone thinks he is a closet homosexual. So Earl comes up and says, "Hey man, what's up?"
I reply, "Not much, Earl."
Then Earl gets a nervous expression and says, "Hey, can I tell you a secret?"
"Okaaay, I suppose." I replied, nervously. I didn't know what this guy was going to say and wasn't sure I wanted to find out what his secret was.
Earl looked around to make sure no one was listening, then stared right into my eyes and said, "Your anus is mine."
"WHAT??" I replied in shock and horror.
Earl continued, "I am going to rule your anus. It won't be in a loving and tender way either." He then held up a clenched fist and said, "It will be with an iron fist."
Just then Boyd K. Packer's talk went through my head. I remembered him saying that we needed to protect our chastity from the evil desires of homosexuals. I lunged at Earl and went to hit him but the missionaries jumped on me and pulled me off.
As we rolled around on the ground, one elder yelled, "What are you doing?"
I pointed at Earl and said, "He's a homo! He said he is going to rule over my anus. He wants to fist me!"
The two Elders looked at each other in wide eyed shock. Then they looked at Earl.
Earl held up both hands and said, "Wait a minute. What are you talking about? I said I am going to rule over Uranus. You know? The Planet? Uranus has always been my favorite planet in the Solar System. When I become a God, I am going to rule over it. That's my eternal goal."
It took a few seconds for everything to sink in. Then we all burst out laughing. We laughed for a good 5 minutes straight. Just when we were beginning to settle down, one of the elders said, "Why do you want to rule over Uranus? I hear it's a real crap hole." That got us rolling on the ground laughing for another 10 minutes straight.
With the misunderstanding straightened out, all four of us went out for Diet Cokes at the local strip club.
So the moral of the lesson is, don't take Boyd K. Packer's advice when you think you spot a homosexual. It might just be a misunderstanding.