So I've been to hell and back the past couple of years - blabbed my story all over RfM. Most folks know it. And if you could go back a decade or so on RfM, you'd see what a hot mess I've always been. (Unfortunately the old board crashed spectacularly so newbies can't read up on THAT drama, thank Gawd).

Suffice it to say, my life has been a train wreck. Some of it brought on by my own stupidity, some a result of a disability that makes it a challenge for to live normally...BUT MOST OF THE DISASTERS IN MY LIFE HAVE COME FROM BEING MARRIED TO A FUCKING MORMON ROYALTY PSYCHOPATH (really).

So I'm almost divorced. We're goodish. I'm actually having Easter Dinner at his home tomorrow. I'm parenting and grandparenting, and daughtering, and friending to the best of my ability. It's Spring. I'm happy despite some of the family horror still swirling around me. And I want to make a statement...to myself, and to my God.

I grew up really, really Catholic (and loved it), converted to Mormonism as an adult (grew to hate it), and returned to the Catholic Church, re-baptizing all of my kids. I'm a Christmas 'n' Easter Catholic now. I enjoy all the rituals with big family gatherings. I'm not overly spiritual. I believe in Karma mostly. And I'm totally fine with whatever anyone does or does not believe.

But I want this big washing away of the past. I want to start new in my spirit. I don't want a permanent, big, honking church or a bunch of Christian busyiness in my life. But I want to forgive and I want to feel forgiven. And I want an actual date in my life when I CHANGED and left all the negativity behind.

I'm giving you all of this build-up cuz I'm scared to tell you guys what I want to do. I know all my atheist friends will beat the virtual craaaap outta of me. heh.

My kids and I have been going to this super-cool beach church with the neighbors and I like it. I live in the South and I've always made fun of evangelical Christians (as both a Catholic and a Mormon). I've always thought it was just plain stupid to get to say ONE prayer and that's it...you're in! God swings open the pearly gates, you get a free pass to heaven, no matter what you do for the rest of your life. Woot! Bullsh!t.

I still don't believe that.

And I don't *know* about Jesus' divinity either. But I think he probably lived and I think he was probably a pretty good guy and I try to pattern my life after the principles he taught.

So tomorrow, I'm thinking of going to that big ole church and going down for the altar call and getting "saved." Mostly for the emotional release, and mostly for the forgiving/being forgiven. I don't believe I'll automatically get into heaven. *rolls eyes.* And I doubt much will change in my life.

But I want a big, powerful experience where I can put the tragedies of my life behind me and start fresh. I want to symbolically claim my life again and invite the universe/Karma/God to travel with me from this day forward.

What do you guys think? All opinions are welcome as long as you are nice. ha.

;o)

Well, sure, why not?

Just think of it as a sociological experience. :)

Sounds like you just did claim your life again.

Happy Easter, Shannon.

Each day is a new beginning.

We're all searching for meaning and purpose.

It's what matters to you that counts, and how it makes you feel.

I hope you have a fabulous day whatever you do.

With all the sadness and tragedy life throws our way, is it any wonder we look for meaning and understanding? Finding our inner strength and compassion sometimes springs from our own losses, and rebirth.

I bet hitting 'post message' was a bit cathartic.

Good luck tomorrow!

Enjoy your celebration. Easter sounds like an appropriate, symbolic time to do such a ritual. But you got me thinking, something to break with the past and move forward does sound very cathartic. It's been a long time since I broke with the church, but never thought to celebrate or mark it. Something with a psychological impact might be quite healing.

Let us know how it goes. May you have a brilliant life ahead with lots more happy times. Sounds like it's been a matter of clawing your way to where you want to be. Take whatever measures you need.

Shannon, if it makes you happy, do it. I can guarantee that it would make a whole lot of other people in that church happy!

As for me, I've been reveling in the pagan aspects of Easter. For the last month, I've been completely interested in anything that reeks of bunny, the goofier the better. I now have lots of cheesy decorations up, but it pleases me, so who cares?

Participating in a symbolic ritual on your own terms is great! I find have found Easter time to be a time of new beginnings, myself. It isn't religious for me (although I might go to a service every few years) but just a time for a positive direction.

One thing I do, is get Easter Lilys or other flowers that grow from bulbs, for my Easter sunday.

What matters is what YOU need at this time in your life. If this is what you feel will help you cope and move forward, then that choice is all yours to make. As one of those who knows your background (via RfM), I think you've done remarkably well in getting to the point you are at now.

There's still a LOT on your plate, and if this offers strength and support for you, then do it. And we non-theist friends won't bash you! We've all worked on finding our own best way out of TSCC and on with our lives.

Hugs!
TG

I agree with another response that symbolism can be so meaningful and healing and so go for it! The altar call can be and mean whatever you want.

I've always felt that Easter/Spring is a time of renewal. Whatever symbolism goes along with it, on our own terms, is good.

I can relate to feeling that you want a certain day to be a memorable marking point. Perfectly understandable.

I've been involved in a situation lately (no specific details as it's all confidential, sorry) that has me praying (loosely speaking) for an Easter miracle this year. I generally feel that you make your own "miracles" happen. But sometimes your energy is sapped or you run out of ideas or you just need someone else to step in once in a while and help for a spell. So that's where I was at with this situation in which I didn't have the energy needed or the time or the resources.

Today, the whole thing came together and got resolved and other people stepped up to the plate, with almost no effort from me. A woman who helped me I realized later was a local church minister. Another minister was involved, who I happened to just bump into. This is all on behalf of community members who have a great need that I couldn't meet on my own.

I said to both the ministers, feeling great relief from their abundant offers of practical assistance, that I had prayed for an Easter miracle this year and could actually feel it happening. The female minister said to me, "Well, you got your resurrection!" I thought that was a great way of putting it. A synonym, to me, for rebirth and renewal and hope and new beginnings.

Tonight, the other minister called me with more offers of amazing help I could only dream of and calmly and quietly said to me, "this could be your Easter miracle."

Nobody means it literally and everybody is well aware of all the bad situations in the world where miracles are needed and don't happen. We don't use the word lightly and don't take it for granted.

But in my little home town this year, almost without effort, amazing things are happening for me and a community situation that has arisen. I am going to call that a miracle. A little one, in the scheme of things, but I'll take it.

Symbolism. Rebirth. Easter. Take what you want of it, find your own meaning, use it as a talisman or whatever inspires you, gives you hope, is something to grab hold of and remember.

Everybody could use a new start once in a while. Easter is a good time for it. Why not?

Here's hoping for a great Easter Sunday for you, Shannon. And if you feel so inspired and go forward for the altar call, I hope you feel refreshed and lightened and hopeful from it.

You deserve it!

Go for it, sister!

(((HUGS)))

La catnip. . .

My Jewish dad went to mass with us only one time. It was Easter. Mass was in Latin. I was sitting next to him. I remember the fabric of his coat.

Happy Easter everyone!

Shannon, your Easter memory will be a beautiful one like mine are. Hugs, hugs, hugs to you!

I had left Christian Science 10-15 years before (gradual disengagement), and was in A.A., but felt that "Higher Power" was too vague, both spiritually and intellectually sloppy, and inadequate to be "Truth." I had been reading all sorts of stuff, even Swedenborg, but also Walter Martin's "Kingdom of the Cults." (I still recommend it, Shannon.)

I attended the Crusade out of curiosity. My thoughts, then was that the "born-again" thing was nothing more than a psycho-emotional "peak experience," probably helpful for people who "need" that sort of thing--sort of like what you're describing and seeking.

I was really surprised at myself when I answered Graham's invitation. I didn't feel especially ethereal or out-of-body or anything like that, but a unique feeling that "this is what I have to do" combined with an objective ("not-me") sense of direction. I've never experienced anything like this, before or since. The man I was next to when I prayed the sinner's prayer was an obese, bearded fellow, turned out to be one of the follow-up counselors. He's a computer scientist, so having an egghead to talk things through after helped validate the experience for me.

My suggestions, Shannon: Don't minimize or dismiss the experience, but don't expect too much of it. I'm not sure one can pinpoint true conversion, but a singular "moment" may be useful. Find a fellowship/Bible study with people (especially women) you are intellectually and socially comfortable with.

Get a good study Bible in modern English, and don't let it collect dust. I STRONGLY recommend the ESV Study Bible, with excellent notes, charts, maps. It will open up Christianity like you've never experienced before. My recommendations for a start:

Matthew 5,6,7 (The "Sermon On the Mount")
"Prologue" Of John's Gospel (1.1-18), "In the Beginning was the Word..."
John 3 (The "Born-again" chapter)
Luke's Gospel, which is the best mixture of Christ's life, miracles, teachings, and interactions with those "outside" Jewish orthodoxy: the cripples, women, gentiles, sinners...

"ArmToTheTriangle," who hasn't posted in years, said (paraphrase) "Mormonism is the last 'Gotcha!' which says, 'If you can't believe in us, we'll so poison you spiritually you can never believe in any religion!" I think he is true in too, too many cases. I never had a burning-in-the-bosom, and I can never argue it to the satisfaction of an "IfICouldHiToKolob" or Packham or such. But this is the Truth by which I understand myself and the Universe, and by which I attempt to live.

And to everybody else.

When it comes to big, powerful experiences, Evangelicals seem to know their shit so if that's what you want, go for it.

Your a very spiritual person Shannon, and I think anything that beings you closer to God is OK. I like what you said about it being a "Beach Church" that reminds me of our Tybee Bar Church on Tybee Island,here in Georgia. Less about appearances and more about the brokenness of people and a sense of community. A real belonging. My best to you for a happy Easter.

I've been thinking lately about the idea of rebirth, a totally new start. It's good and healthy to think that way, and Easter is a powerfully symbolic time to start all over again.

My first thought is that the evangelical church isn't quite worthy of you. Don't give them credit for something you've already gotten started yourself. It was your effort, your sweat and tears that got you to this point. I'd suggest that you enjoy Easter Sunday with them but work out your future and your salvation later.

Second, why not keep your prayers to yourself? Keep them private and sacred to preserve your own identity. You can go home, or even better go out in the woods, and have the greatest experience of your life. Praying in the Sacred Grove may have been the only authentic experience Joseph Smith ever had. Just imagine how much better off everyone would have been, especially him, if he had just kept it to himself.

Whatever makes you happy and fixes you on a course to a better life!

It's your thing - do whatcha gotta do!

I think publicly performing an act you KNOW isn't what it claims to be (and from your post, that's the case) is dishonest and more than a bit silly.

I understand WHY you are thinking about it. I do. Both from a personal "new start" perspective, and from a "I'll get support from others" perspective.

But I think it will do more to give you personal confidence, strength, and a "new start" to NOT give into base urges, overly-simplistic "symbols," and something that won't *actually* give you a "new start" -- and simply face up to your life as it is, decide to start doing things differently, and then do them...without the public dishonesty.

Hey, it's your choice...but you asked.

I'd just add that if you want to live a "good" life, you have to really pick and choose from among what the bible jesus character is quoted as teaching. Some of it is rather disgusting, and not "good" in any sense.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2016 08:37PM by ificouldhietokolob.

Whatever works for you, Shannon!!

Shannon, how was your day? :)

Very nice. Beautiful service. Thanks for asking.

;o)