3) No one will mention the great success of "Hastening the Work of Salvation." [ Cowards 'cause it's a bust ]
4) Full time missionary service (with a renewed emphasis for retirees, aka babysitters for the 18-yr-olds). [ The 24/7 self-funded brainwashing ]
5) The internet will be demonized (again) along with porn. [ Only trust church websites ]
6) TSM will be sedated, unable to speak. [ No longer reliable ]
7) Satan, Lucifer, the Devil, the Adversary in every other talk. [ We're at war, God needs you ]
8) Blessings of tithing. [ The unspoken, real Mormon-God ]
9) Maybe ONE TALK, subject: translate doesn't mean translate (or some other word). [ Redefining the term as Mormonism always does when it's caught ]
10) Spiritual (supernal) faith supersedes TSCC's troubling history/facts. [ Ignorance, not facts is a virtue ]
11) No new *OFFICIAL* artwork showing Joe Smith with his hat and rock translating the BoM. [ If shown, 1/3 of the active folks would then leave TSCC ]
12) Elder Nelson, sitting as Pres of Q12, trying to act important cause he knows he'll soon take Monson's place. [ His talk will be on.....who cares? ]
13) No one from the Q15 will state in his closing testimony: "This is the only true church on earth." [ ...Why? ]
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You know TSCC is in **REAL TROUBLE** if they start talking about the ESSAYS.
BONUS: I wonder how many times the word *DOUBT* is mentioned?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/01/2016 09:00PM by jiminycricket.
--Pornography is ruining society --Strengthen your testimonies --Marriage (no mention of gays) is sacred between a man and woman --Religious liberties need to be legally protected --Get your kids on missions --Trust the brethren
Someone is going to hit the "...even the very elect are being deceived!" theme very hard.
The faithful will be told to stay away from anything that looks 'anti' and to trust in The Leaders. Someone will find a clever way to say, ¨ignore your doubts¨ until you *cross over* and you´ll get all your answers then.
I predict that neither I or my family will hear even one second of it. What a great day!
Eyring always cries. He was in the same university ward as I, and he cried during his testimonies, too.
I loved your Number 9! What will be the newly-defined word this time?
No, the church won't donate any of its properties or facilities to house refugees--they will demand that the members open up their own homes--But the church will still take all the credit, and provide all the PR publicity.
The theme of this spring conference: "Money, more money."
Neil Anderson will come out of the closet and apologize to all gay Mormons and the parents of gay teens that have taken their own lives.
Holland will give his most teary-eyed, pulpit-pounding, jowl-flapping talk to date...possibly about love, with harsh reprimanding of LDS parents that have kicked out their gay teens, etc...
Early in the broadcast there will be a token TV closeup choir shot of the only African American in the Choir that does not know about the priesthood ban.
Oaks will ramble on how the Brussels missionaries( and Oaks) have done more to further the work than Joseph Smith or Christ.
The conference center will be filled to capacity for 10am.
Because right now the tabernacle is filled to near-capacity, and no tickets have been handed out yet, only 5 minutes til the curtain rises and it's showtime.
They will talk about porn. 99.9...% of Mormon boys have watched porn at some point in their life. The church doesn't know that. Probably a mention about how the relief society is the largest women's organization in the world without mentioning that it is actually run by men and isn't actually it's own organization. But it's only a part of the corporation owned by Monson.
I predict two apostles will make passing reference to the essays. One will mention the seer stone. The other will mention that the the essays and other reference materials have been "available for years."