So, I begin to have flashbacks, panic attacks, and nightmares.

I talk to my step-mom, a NeverMo PhD Psychologist, and she tells me that those are characteristics of PTSD, and, in her opinion (she's an expert and has known me for over 30 years), is caused by Mormonism.

By fucking Mormonism.

27 years in that goddam cult, and I have PTSD flashbacks a year and a half after leaving it and the fucked-up, TBM ex-wife.

Stupid fucking goddam cult.

Good news is, it will eventually go away, as I learn to put it into perspective.

No, I'm not getting therapy for it. No more money to anybody after pissing away a quarter million dollars to tithing. I don't have any more money to spend on the insanity.

I'd rather spend my money on beer and pizza and bad movies.

Goddam cult. Not that I'm pissed off, mind you.

I am nevermo but from what I've learned about the cult, this doesn't sound at all preposterous to me and, matter of fact, I would be surprised if you are the only one suffering from some, or all, of the very real symptoms of PTSD, after leaving. Good luck in, hopefully, learning to manage, and live with it.

I suffer from PTSD, also. Thanks, stupid cult!

I remember driving to the ward chapel with my mom one Sunday. I can't remember what year this happened, but I was probably 21-22. I told her I was having a panic attack, & she told me I had to go to church anyway. That I just had to fight my way through it, & if I couldn't, then I was just weak.

I've also dealt with PTSD due partly to the cult, but mostly because I was in an abusive marriage.

My dark flashbacks are mostly of abuse and bullying, much of it Mormo-centric. What an awful cult.

FLA, I understand not having the money to spend, but there are free resources. Google. Knowledge helps; you can now name the affliction, and find out specific ways to ease the symptoms.

Beer and movies can actually be one of those things, but there are others. Anger, even rage, is part of the healing. You need safe ways to off-load it.

Learn about it to benefit yourself. I don't really know how to write this next part, so please brace a little. The longer you suffer, the more the morg steals a free and healthy, happy you. Find out about it, deal with it, and break free, all the way.

$250,000,000 in tithing? that caught my eye. Wow you must have made a lot of money in one lifetime!

What's the secret? do tell...

Frodo says $250,000 in tithing, not $250,000,000. A good amount to be sure, but with a long working life and a good annual income, that 10% can really add up...grrrrrr.

There's an actual term for this, though it's not all that prominent yet. Religious Trauma Syndrome. And it's very real.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2016 06:46AM by oneinbillions.

Thanks for that. I researched a little and found a lot of good stuff about RTS. Nice to see this as a sub-set of PTSD because although symptoms are shared with PTSD, it seems to come from a long drawn out slow burning trauma rather than a big explosion.

Religious indoctrination seems to be so much more insidious because it so easily passes for something "good."

It never occurred to me PTSD was caused by the cult. I could see it causing anxiety attacks or depression.

In many ways a good percentage of the population "likely" suffers from some form or degree of PTSD. How could we not? Between 9/11, Columbine, wars we've been witness to, crimes against humanity sometimes in our own families or by people we love/d.

From watching the news and movies with all their violence, murder and mayhem. Is it any wonder more of us *don't* have PTSD?

After more than a decade since I resigned and walked away from the church, there was a news story about the opening of the Gilbert temple on the TV in the lunch room at work one day. One of my co-workers said "..I wonder what goes on in there". In my mind I said "you want to know... I'll tell you what goes on in there"(planning to tell him in front of several others, about the pre-1990 death threat penalties, the pay-lay-ail, and the stupid hats, the appearance of Satan, etc). When I opened my mouth to tell him, nothing came out despite my attempts to speak, and I started having a panic attack. Rather than taking a risk of having some kind of psychological incident in front of my co-workers, I didn't make a second attempt. I told myself "it looks like you've got some work to do Steve". Shortly after that incident I found RFM. Too bad that same opportunity hasn't come up again yet. But I'm ready now when it does.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2016 09:10AM by azsteve.

All of my mental health issues are rooted in my issues with Mormonism-Anxiety, Depression, Panic attacks, Agoraphobia with Panic Disorder.

Really, the fact that I was a habitual drug user for 10 years and a Heroin/Opioid addict for half that is almost an aside. I have been clean for 2 years now, and my anxiety and depression was way worse while sober than while using.

Like tons of addicts, I was self-medicating, dealing with all the pain and self-hatred I had from feeling like I was worthless for not measuring up to arbitrary Mormon standards. I started feeling like that when I was 12 years old. Some asshole counselor in the stake presidency gave some fireside about all the reasons that someone should believe in God and Jesus (i.e, believe in the Morg), and he gave a list in descending order, like number 1. was 'sincere desire' and the worst reason was 'fear', like fear of going to hell. I realized that everything I 'believed' in was nothing more than conditioning. I was so desperately afraid that if I did something wrong, everyone would disapprove, I would be unloved, unwanted, and eventually live in eternal damnation.

I don't know if my thoughts about it were that cogent as a 12 year old deacon, but I know that I remember thinking when that 1st counselor or whoever he was gave that talk, that I only believed because I was afraid of the consequences of not believing, and wondering if there was anything sincere about that. It's one the handful of things that broke my shelf, and at such a young age, it was way more than I could handle emotionally. I was too immature, too young, learning all sorts of other stuff about life, JUST starting puberty, just coming into my own with things like school, friendship, hobbies, and a few years later, after my shelf crashed and I realized it was all nonsense, all of that got taken away from me, because my parents wouldn't let me have any kind of life if it didn't involve being a Mormon.

I'm still in therapy for these issues, and making these connections have been invaluable in trying to undo some of that damage, and cobble together a sense of self-worth outside of parental acceptance, and just putting the church completely behind me. I don't really know if it's PTSD, but I've heard RTS tossed around before too, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if the constellation of mental health issues synced up with RTS.