I think it may not be salvageable.

I really wish I could lay it all at the feet of Joseph Smith. Sure, he made things much worse, but if I'm honest, he's just a sideshow.

She neither trusts, nor respects me. She won't talk to me about anything, because I'm mean and yell about how wrong she is. She tells me things that aren't so, without much remorse. She can't apologize - really apologize. Sorry, but it was really your fault! She can only sympathize with her tribe. Even then, it takes her effort (and I'm not in the tribe).

There's more, but I don't have the inclination to go on.

I'm not perfect. I don't always put her first. I read that in a relationship both parties need to do more than half. Sometimes I don't quite get to half.

I'm not interested in enduring. Life is both too short and too long for that. Enduring looks like the best we can do. The kids see it. And they're scared. Rightly so.

Counseling hasn't solved it yet. I don't know that it can, since it's all my fault.

The worst thing, is that I'm hopeful. Things will get worse before they get better, but they will get better. Either we reconnect and meet each other's needs, or we part ways and I don't have to be steerage class any more. Either way is better.
Right now, being apart sounds better. And that makes me really sad.

I have some experience with this. I have been you.

It is hard when a spouse is not trying, and they are getting their emotional needs met from the cult, and cult members. It kinda makes you do and say crazy things.

Often acting like a young child, trying to do anything that will get attention from your parents, even if that attention is because of negative actions and words.

You are in tough situation. Your spouse is probably a master at manipulating things, and sometimes if you try to explain what they have done to damage the relationship, you just cant put your finger on it, or it sounds petty when you say it.

When I was in the middle of divorce from my husband and inactivity from the church I finally came to realize that aside from the church craziness it was his overall personality that really bothered me. When I drew boundaries for my soul I figured out that he wasn't good for the further growth I wanted in this life. That epiphany made my decision very easy. Hang in there, you will figure out what is best for you.

Sounds to me like you aren't at all sure what you want. And you are correct, if you are mean to her and won't fix it, she should leave you (at least until you stop doing that).

Both people in a relationship need to be willing to recognize that they are part of the problem (it takes two to tango). If one person blames the other person for everything, they're unlikely to progress and divorce may be the only answer, and possibly the best option for both of you, especially if you stick with therapy afterwards and work toward finding a balance in your own life and seeking healthier relationships in the future. It's good you're getting counseling; that shows you are willing to grow, which is necessary if you ultimately want to end up in a relationship that is founded on trust and equal respect.

It's been about 2 1/2 yrs since my wife packed up and left with the kids. Hurt like hell to have a marriage of nearly 7 years shatter in an instant, but it was the best thing that could've happened, and it really had to happen. Wish you all the best. Sorry to hear you have kids who will be affected.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/03/2016 12:48AM by exldsdudeinslc.

Thanks for understanding.

Except for lolly18; I think you missed my stream of consciousness boat. But you did raise a point. Do I know what I want? Yes. Yes. Yes.
Can I have it, with my current spouse? I'm not at all convinced. The woman I asked to marry me, and the woman who shuts me out and minimizes me, wouldn't know each other. Can we both change? Sure. Will we? I'm afraid not.

Thanks for listening. Like I said before, I have hope. Because after this storm, the clouds will break. I'm just not sure if I'm in a bad afternoon shower, or a hurricane.

Have a great day, and hug someone you love.