So I recently resigned from the church, but my wife still practices. I had a question that I have never fully understood. I was not in the church for long (3 years) so I have never understood the "logic" behind why TBMs are affraid of those who are not a part of their faith. My wife tries to get me to not hang out with some work friends who are nevermos (i do anyway) and it always confuses me. Is every Mormon like this?

I don't think it's so much that they are afraid, they just have absolutely nothing in common. I do know mormons who think it's prestigious to have a token non-mormon friend. But still, the people they really socialize with or interract with will all be Mormon.

You know you have a problem when it gets to the point that you just can't stand hanging out with mormons, even when you're still involved in the church. That's where I got. Should have been a major red flag much earlier than it was. When I moved back to Utah after living far away for a number of years, I really didn't socialize other than going to lunch with people I worked with. I just felt like I had nothing in common with those people, especially the women. When I left the church I found other exmos. They were so smart and fun and it was amazing how all of the sudden I had a social life again and loved it.

NormaRae Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I do know mormons who think it's prestigious to have a
> token non-mormon friend.

Can you explain why. I got the impression that Mormons try to avoid heathens like it's contagious or something.

Probably something that they think is edgy. Or they think it makes them look tolerant (which the ones I know like this ARE NOT). Real reason is probably because they wish they were normal and are living their lives vicariously through their normal friends.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/10/2016 12:46PM by NormaRae.

I think there are a couple of issues going on. Mormons have the thinking done for them, so in order to avoid conflict (defending the faith) and go with the flow and live the easy life they choose to avoid what is different.

Secondly, and likened to avoiding conflict, they don't want outsiders to taint their beliefs. Being next to something evil might rub off on them like the plague and then oh my heavens, what would they do?

Back when I was LDS I thought the whole idea of being Christlike was to have friends that were not Mormon or inactive Mormons. That made me such a weirdo. My TBM parents gave me the fish eye when I explained such a concept. And I thought, "Yeah, that comes from the Bible, you know!" Like I have said before, I'm a bit of a nonconformist. I guess I should have seen my resignation coming from way back. ;o)

I spent a week at scout summer camp last year -- they apparently couldn't find enough "active" fathers to help support -- and the young men's pres came up for a couple of days. There are some activities in scouts where boys from different troops get together -- like Order of the Arrow. Any time one of these activities was talked about, the YMP would say something like, "well, I don't think that any of the parents would want their boys hanging out with non-members." So yes, there are some members who are so wrapped up in their religion, and so afraid that their "values" will be corrupted by outside influences, that they are afraid, terrified even, of any extensive contact with non-members. Not all members are this way, maybe not even most, but there is a fair number.

Simple

They can't associate with people that aren't members. If they can't convert you, then you might help move them to the dark side. Members can't take the chance that some fun or bad habits might wear off on them. They don't want to be in a position to see a normal life and be tempted. They like to mingle with their own kind to avoid awkward situations.

makosuki is right.

When we first moved to Utah, the Mormon neighbors were really friendly....until it became clear that we weren't going to convert. Then we were dropped like hot rocks.

Mormons don't have the time, energy, or interest in developing friendships with people they don't see on Sunday. They are too busy with their church jobs and don't really have anything in common with non-Mormons (what it there to talk about outside of callings, conference, girl's camp, boy scouts, etc.?)

Even among Mormons, friendships are tentative. They form, dissolve, and reform along ward boundaries.

The mother of a friend my DD had know since 2nd grade told her daughter that if 'My DD' wasn't going to join the church, then she shouldn't waste her time being friends.

That pretty much sums it up.

They don't know how to relate to anyone who isn't interested in mormon topics and gossip. They're not familiar with the topics and interests that never mormons discuss. They're afraid the non-mormons are laughing at them and they're afraid the non-mormon poor morals and attitudes will damage their testimony or make them want to drink tea or wear sleeveless tops.

I remember being nervous around non-mormons when I first left because I wasn't confident of how I should relate to them and they seemed rather boisterous and self satisfied compared to me at that time. It takes a little time an effort to adjust to a set of friends with such diverse and unpredictable attitudes.

Here is an experience I had with what you are asking about. I think Mormons don't understand non-Mormons and form false conclusions about them. Many are quick to judge and make faulty assumptions about those who are not like them.

A few years ago, one of the combined YW lessons was an activity about the differences between Mormon moms and non-member moms. Many of the young women took this as an opportunity to rip apart non-Mormon moms, who were described as: "Doesn't have the gospel, gets her hair and nails done every week (self-centered, superficial), spoiled, worldly, nice, and thoughtful." The girls who came up with the mean descriptions were laughing and having a good time making fun of non-member moms. I was furious at how poorly they secretly felt about their school friends' moms. I threw in one of the kind words, describing my own mother. They were also fully aware I was a non-member, so by default my mother was not either. I had to feel bad for the foreign exchange student with us as well (I'm positive she wasn't a member). Their demeanor changed when they described Mormon moms as: "Prayerful, humble, fun, busy, pretty, beautiful, loving, reads the BoM, devoted, and gentle." Instead of laughing, they took on a reverent tone. Thankfully, the leaders got the lesson back on track; the goal the leaders intended was to show that only difference between the the moms was a lack of Mormon gospel. Unfortunately, the girls soured the lesson.

If the teens grow up into adults like this, then I am not surprised at the exclusiveness of a lot of adult members. I'm not surprised if many members feel this way about non-members. I feel that it would tone down in adulthood, but the disapproval remains.

Yes, they think they're better than everyone else. On a Facebook page for one of the youth dance groups, some high-school girl said she liked being with people who had the "same standards." You can't get any more Christlike than that.

I really wonder if the parents of exchange students are aware of what living with an lds family entails for the student!

I have watched it for years, and there is no way in hell I would allow my child to be in such a situation!

Heavy proselityzing foisted on kids that are very far from home!

He said that he should be my only best friend. Geeze, he was gone 12 hours a day, and she and I both were at home with little kids, so it was natural for us to bond. She smoked, but never at our house. I think that's why he was upset. Time went on and we moved, but I didn't keep up the friendship. What a shame, as she was a true blue friend whom I could always count on. Damn cult!

It's because you may find that drinking is fun! When I left Idaho and moved to SLC, I met a bunch of Catholic people. They were a blast, and they drank, and they were the nicest people I had ever met. :)

First of all, religion is not about logic or reasoning, or factual evidences. It's about faith based beliefs in metaphysical, supernatural, visionary claims that are very powerful. They seem to come from a different part of the brain from logic and reason.
There is an old saying that applies to religion: you cannot reason yourself out of something you did not reason yourself into.

My personal view is that the believer lives in a state of faith which has an element of fear attached. It must be continually shored up. The claims by faith can be eroded as they are not based on facts, and the testimony is also subject to failing as it's often tenuous. That is why they repeat it a lot.
Therefore, they insulate themselves by sticking closely to their LDS friends and associates.

Stepping out of that comfort zone of the "tribe" in Mormonism is often too difficult for many believers.