At the end of April Mom went in for surgery to correct her pacemaker wiring to prevent the battery from draining too fast. The surgery went well and mom was recovering, but weak. On her way to bed one evening, using her walker and with Dad assisting, Mom made her way to the bed. She collapsed before she could get in. Dad was able to ease her down but was unable to help her back up, being in a weakened condition himself. He is deaf and cannot use mobile phones, even when using his hearing aids, but managed to call a neighbor who rushed over. They called one of my sisters who lives nearby who then called 911.

My Mom had suffered an ischemic stoke. Angioplasty removed the clot and they determined it was an old clot, being hard and rough edged. It was impossible to tell when it formed and it would be impossible to assign fault. It was just one of those things.

Mom was beginning to respond to physical therapy and was talking, although in a slurred fashion. Then, I think it was around May 4 that a CT scan showed two hemorrhagic strokes had occurred. On May 10 two of my brothers advised me that if I wanted to say farewell to Mom that I had better be on the road.

My wife and I drove overnight, arriving at my parent's house about 4:30 AM the morning of May 11. We rested a couple hours and then drove to the hospital to see Mom. Her breathing was labored and her eyes closed. She moved her right arm and right leg a little from time to time and opened her eyes a few times, to my mind recognizing no one and nothing.

I said my goodbyes and told her I loved her.

Dad was tiring so we took him home about 3:00 pm. My sister and her two daughters were present at 3:55 PM when Mom took a deep breath and then stopped breathing.

Her funeral was May 16.

We made another drive back out to Dad's for Memorial Day weekend. I took him, my other sister and my wife and we drove the cemetery circuit through south central Utah where Dad's ancestors have been interred.

We're back home and now I find myself in a state of deep reflection. I'm not depressed nor overly sad. Just thoughtful. In this state, I have decided to desist my FB postings on religion, out of respect for family. They all now know I'm out of the church. If they wish to ask me questions, they also know they can do so and I'll be honest but caring.

And life goes on.

My deep felt condolences. I won't be able to tell mine that I loved her when she goes. I'm glad you can.

Mine had some "control issues" or maybe even a tiny bit of narcissism but it wasn't much. She was fun to be around. We always enjoyed our visits.

Uber-TBM, though. My last visit, back in late December/early January, ended in an understanding between us, for which I am grateful.

sorry for your loss. at least she is free from the cult and at peace.

I'm so sorry, Bruce. It does sound like it was your dear mother's time to go. My own mom had a hemorrhagic stroke about six months before she died. In retrospect, although she seemed to be doing well at first, it was the beginning of the end. She appeared to be having another, fatal stroke the night that she died.

Yes, the passing of a parent is indeed a time of reflection. I know that you've heard it said many times on this board to be kind to yourself when you've suffered a loss. That is so very true. Our thoughts are with you.

Bruce A Holt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> We're back home and now I find myself in a state
> of deep reflection. I'm not depressed nor overly
> sad. Just thoughtful.

My condolences to you and to your family...

For what it's worth, my response to my Mom's death was the same as you describe your own...

...and, life does indeed go on.

I am wishing all of you well.

Life does go on doesn't it?

I remember when I lost my mom, I was 22 at the time and remember walking out of the hospital with her sack of crap and thinking "wow, the world just keeps on going, not missing a beat".

Kind of a wake up moment.

Best wishes on your reflection. I love those times.

Levi Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Life does go on doesn't it?
>
> I remember when I lost my mom, I was 22 at the
> time and remember walking out of the hospital with
> her sack of crap and thinking "wow, the world just
> keeps on going, not missing a beat".
>
> Kind of a wake up moment.
>
> Best wishes on your reflection. I love those
> times.
My brother-in-law passed when I was 22, and I remember being somewhat surprised that the grass could remain green.

Other Susan

Sorry for your loss. I'm glad that it has brought you some peace with regards to religion. That's a gift.

I was just talking to my Spanish teacher today about my mom's passing, 11 years ago (at age 88). I had never described Mom or her death in Spanish before. Just when we think the mind has exhausted a particular subject...

They never quite leave us, it turns out. But we come to terms with what's gone, and what remains. One day we'll go, too, although a part of us will remain, for awhile.

Until then, life very much goes on, in multiple languages and in none at all.

Sincere condolences to your and yours Bruce. Always a tough and emotional thing to lose one's Mom.

RB

My friend, I am with you - my heart and love. Seen so MUCH death in my life. Most of it ugly. You got a peaceful moment. That matters!

Hold your wife, family and friends. More important, let them hold you. I would if I were there.

All I've got is my tender thoughts for you. Be as well as you can...thanks for sharing.

-geezus

Sorry for your loss, Bruce. My heart goes out to you.

Sorry for your loss, Bruce. It's always hard to lose a parent, no matter the circumstance or season.

Give yourself all the time and space you need. You take care of yourself.

Just so you know Bruce, I think your thread IS On Topic. Recovery from Mormonism is about people not topics.

Your thread is clearly on topic! It's so hard to say goodbye to a parent. I respect your choice to desist from FB postings on religion. Give yourself time to adjust.

Elder Berry and SusieQ#1 I think it could be On Topic for many but I really do consider myself recovered from Mormonism. It's why I haven't been posting much lately. So, for me, it's Off Topic but if posting helps others, that's why we're here. Right?

I do hope it helps others, too.

You know, this brings me to another thought. After leaving the church and questioning the very existence of a god (yeah, I'm solidly agnostic), one might think the loss of a parent could be devastating and disheartening. The teachings of eternal existence and the longings to see loved ones again, to me, interfere with proper healing. Yes, I loved my Mom. Yes, I miss her. However, she is gone. How she affected me (and others) and who I am DO remain, though! The physical is gone but the essence continues.

Thanks to all who have expressed (or may yet express) condolences on the passing of my Mom.

My condolences to you and your family. As others have said, be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to come to terms with this difficult loss.

I, too, suffered an ischemic stroke in November of 2012 which left me with left-sided paralysis but am able to speak clearly. I was getting along fairly well and walking with a cane until I fell and broke my left hip in May of 2014 and had to have a hip replacement so now I am confined to a wheelchair.

Many HUGS to you, even if they are cyberhugs.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my utmost empathy and I understand completely what you're going through.

My condolences for your loss.

So glad you were able to travel and see your Mom for the last time. May fond and pleasant memories of Mom and family be with you and yours.

Take good care of yourself.

My condolences for your loss. Take care and be kind to yourself.
May her memory be for a blessing to you all

So, so sorry Bruce. Please take care.

My heartfelt condolences, Bruce. I'm glad you were able to tell her you loved her. Peace and wholeness for you and your family as you grieve together for your Mom. The Boner.

My condolences to you and yours.

Bruce, I lost my mom on May 4.

My condolences to you and your family.

I wish I had been close to my mom, but alas that was not meant to be.

Even tho I was not close to her, there is still a loss in my brain and my heart...I guess it's from the fact that now there will never be a reconciliation, and I will never have the mother I dreamed of having...when she was alive, there was always a chance.

Glad that you came to an understanding with your mom. I wish my mom had come to a similar understanding with me.

Best wishes going forward, to you and your family, and just keep remembering those good times you had with her....applesauce

Thank you and my best to you and yours on your loss, as well.

Sending healing thoughts your way.

Sorry for your loss.

Hoping you and the family are well. Best to your dad and others. It's good to have a mom through your adulthood. I lost mine at a young age and will always miss that. (I'll sort of miss those FB posts. I've been asked to walk my own back a bit.)

Very sorry for your loss.