So, I haven't officially resigned yet. Although I don't consider myself a member anymore.

I know there's the quitting website and I am registered and have been for months. My question is this: when I send in the stuff, will the bishop be contacted? If so, I know he will inform my wife, something I don't want to happen! (Read my previous posts). I don't want the conflict and her telling my kids horrible things about me. My wife is close to the bishop and his wife, so there's no doubt he would tell her as she is the primary prez. Is there a way I can make it so he doesn't know, or make it so it's a breach of whatever if he discloses the info? I am not legally inclined, so I need help on the legalities of resignation in the way I need.

If I can't get those wishes, maybe I'll just let it go until a time in which my wife finding out wouldn't make as much difference.

So your wife would find out. The mormon church is a rat nest of gossip and it's a good idea to assume they'd find out if anyone resigns.

Most likely the bishop will be notified. When I resigned this year (sent letter to SLC) I got a letter in reply that a they don't process resignations in SLC but will forward my letter to my local bishop for him to process.

Sorry to say that just letting it go might be the better decision for the moment.

I knew it was handled locally, so I wrote a letter to SLC, then cc'd the bishop. I used standard suggested language, but also put a strong privacy clause/threat in it. Our inlaws are I. Our ward and I still don't think they know. We resigned last summer. But for wife, I think she'd find out.

Other things to consider.... Tithing settlement sheets, and stake directories, which shows 'member' contact.

If you use the attorney at the site i think you're talking about, the BP is not supposed to contact you. Our BP still told anyone who would ask about us in the ward, so leadership roulette is still in effect. You could email the BP and ask him to keep it confidential and hope for the best. Our BP didn't contact us as per the attorney's request when we resigned, so there's that.

You could threaten legal action if the BP discloses. The attorney's letter uses strong legal language, that might intimidate your BP.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/01/2016 03:47PM by contrarymary.

Even if you use the attorney website, it's likely that your Bishop will be notified, even if because your local records will be updated by the main system in Salt Lake.

The bishop is under no legal constrains at all as to whomever he wants to tell. You can request confidentiality, but there is no reason to expect that he'll obey that.

So, if you don't want your wife to know, then you may want to consider staying a member, at least for now.

There is zero confidentiality to be had in the LDS church as others have indicated. Never forget that.

However, here is the rub. You have a bigger issue and that is the relationship with the wife. Do not think for one instant she won't find out. That would be a highly naive and foolish assumption at this point.

You will lose all trust if you do this behind her back. I highly recommend you explain as best you can your position and intentions before resigning. This may take some time to do but think about it. What will you truly proffer by resigning on the sly? Everything bad and nothing good as I see it.

Take the advice from one of the guys who made these mistakes as I transitioned out of the church that this is a no win action. The church no longer owns you, your actions or your mind. Don't let the paperwork cause more damage.

http://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

To them, this is the bishop's job. No matter who you send it to, they will forward it on to him. You can word it how you would like but they do what they are going to do. It is best to send it direct to COB because 98% of the time if it is sat on it is by the locals. If your wife finding out is a no go for you, I would say that resigning now is a no go too.