Posted by:
getbusylivin
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Date: June 25, 2016 11:55AM
Not sure who'd be the lucky apostle to clue us in--Oaks, maybe? Holland's overexposed, lately--I don't think he'll get the nod. Maybe one of the new guys?
I'm thinking at October General Conference. We learn that, while it's not okay to eat fallen members of our immediate families, it's perfectly fine to gobble those atheists who live down the block. God put them there to sustain us, after all. We need their protein to support our work in this life before we return to Heavenly Father.
"We can all agree," says Elder Vermiform Appendix of the Seventy, "that eating an apostate is far preferable to chowing down on a true-believing, devout, faithful, non-beer-drinking, frequently breeding, garment-wearing brother or sister, now, can't we?"
"Sisters, for cooking suggestions such as brining or marinades, contact your ward's Relief Society leaders."