I am a BIC member, BYU grad, mission, temple marriage, the whole 9 yards. Over the last 12 years or so, I went from being a devout member and defender of the faith to........... I don't now what to even call myself anymore. I don't go to church, I am familiar with all the issues of the church both pro and con, and I just don't believe it anymore. I sort of hold out the idea that maybe Joseph Smith had a valid spiritual experience as a young man, but that vision/experience quickly disintegrated due to pride, power, greed, etc....I'm not sure. But its one possibility among many. In any case, the one thing I am sure about is that the current LDS corporation doesn't operate the way I feel Jesus Christ would operate an organization (laying aside the fact that he may or may not exist).

Anyway, my TBM wife (and I mean hardcore TBM wife, served a mission as well) has handled my journey pretty darn well for being so into it. Turns out she really does like me for me, not for the priesthood power I could bring to the table (lol). I never pushed my research or beliefs on to her, but when she had questions, I would give her an honest answer. I could sense she wasn't uncomfortable with certain aspects of the church but she would always end with "no matter what, I will never leave the church". My response would end with "whatever makes you happy and brings you joy."

I think that last part finally crystalized for her and few weeks ago, she basically told me she is done. She even went as far as removing her garments. She opened up about issues she had with church leadership, the church's stance on homosexuals, the validity and accuracy of ancient records, the role of "prophets" that don't prophesy and have no better track record than anyone else, and the list went on. In the end, she basically admitted though that the church didn't bring her happiness or joy. It was all guilt and pressure and pretending.

So I am sort of in shock at this point. I believed her when she said she would never leave and now, our weekend time as a family just doubled! We haven't broken it down for the kids yet but they will be fine - the older teens will cheer and the younger ones probably will to. If they want to go to fun activities and scouts, fine with me.

I don't hold any animosity towards the church or its people. I will probably always identify as "Mormon" in some respect and they still are my people in a lot of ways. I view this life as a journey and its too short to be upset. I learned a lot of things during my time as a member of the church, and its time to move on and learn new things.

You stated,, ", I am familiar with all the issues of the church both pro and con," I am curious as to which issues you view as "pro"?

cinda Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You stated,, ", I am familiar with all the issues
> of the church both pro and con," I am curious as
> to which issues you view as "pro"?


I actually meant "both sides of the issues" rather than pro vs con. That said, I'm not one who believes everything about the LDS church is bad or false or destructive. I honestly had good times in the church growing up and know tons of great people still in it. I think it can work for some people.

the OP said:

> I will probably always identify as "Mormon"
> in some respect and they still are my people
> in a lot of ways.

I am a total soft-core atheist, with an advanced degree in satanic potty mouth (from Saucie Tech) and absolutely feel the same way.

I grew up mormon. I could say that I wasn't a tribal mormon anymore, but that would be a lie. I am the product of a mormon childhood and always will be.

By the way, I cringed when I read your title. I though she'd thrown in the towel on being married to a servant of Satan and was dumping your anti-mormon ass. So glad it went the other way!!

I'm something like 6th or 7th gen BIC on my mom's side. My dad was a convert, but so were his parents & my great aunts & uncles. So he had cousins who were BIC. Anyway…

I honestly feel like being forced to be in the Mormon cult is something that happened to me like a bad car wreck.

I never felt "Mormon". I have no idea what that means. But I do know what it feel like to be forced to pretend to act like you're Mormon.

That's probably because I'm a run of the mill, go along to get along kind of guy. It's not a better way to be, it was just an easier way to be.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> I am a total soft-core atheist, with an advanced
> degree in satanic potty mouth (from Saucie Tech)
> and absolutely feel the same way.
>

"Saucie Tech" was supposed to be our little secret!!!! Ghawd

only knows who'll want to attend Saucie Tech now!!!!

This is wonderful news. !!!! To often it goes the other way and

the marriage ends up in divorce. Yay for you !!!!!

I'm in! I love to cuss. ;o) I accidentally did it at a family reunion recently at a table full of 70/80-year-old aunts and uncles while telling an army story about my soldier son. Oops. But, honestly, what's a battle tale without a few choice swears words anyway?

Where do I register for classes?

;o)

"I sort of hold out the idea that maybe Joseph Smith had a valid spiritual experience as a young man, but that vision/experience quickly disintegrated due to pride, power, greed, etc....I'm not sure."

The historical evidence clearly indicates that Smith was a folk-magician con artist from at least 1822 to 1826. His embarrassing court hearing on fraud charges on March 20, 1826, led him to evolve his "glass-looking" scam into the "golden Bible" claims. There is no evidence to support Smith's claims (which he made beginning in 1831) of an 1820 "first vision", nor of visits from the angel Moroni beginning in 1823. He made all of that up sometime after his 1826 trial.

"In the end, she basically admitted though that the church didn't bring her happiness or joy. It was all guilt and pressure and pretending."

I'm glad that she finally realized that. My wife and I began to realize it in the late '80s, and we resigned from the church in 1998. The LDS church is a cult: it's in business for the benefit of the organization, rather than for the benefit of the members. The church's constant pressure to perform and obey is what causes the guilt and stress on its members.

I've always maintained that if every active spouse of an unbelieving Mormon would accept the facts and quit the church along with their spouse, that the church would experience about a 10% reduction in activity.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/22/2016 06:28PM by randyj.

Well done to you and well done to the wife too!


No one with any real sense of Standing For Something continues in active Mormonism when they discover it all started with a con artist who basically abused his gullible recruits for his own glory and gratification.

It's causing a lot of harm with it's Plan of Heterosexual and Polygamous Happiness and follow the prophet/priesthood nonsense.

Good luck with the rest of your journey out.

I was relieved to find that your topic was not what I expected from reading it. I thought you wife had thrown in the towel on your marriage. I thought oh no, here we go again.

Congratulations to both of you.

You give me hope. Half my kids are out with me. Other half and DW in. DW is most the most honest, caring, intelligent, and well read person I know. We are solid and our relationship continues to grow and deepen after over 30 years of marriage - and yes we still have 'the hots' for each other. She actually, without my saying a word about garments, bought me my first set of underwear telling me that she figured that since I don't believe I probably did not want to wear garments anymore. She is 100% about putting our family before church - and one of our kids has come out as LBGT. Yet she still outwardly believes even though she's read the essays and know many of the issues. And it drives me nuts that TSCC is the one topic that is incredibly difficult for us to talk about. It is a veritable puzzle to me that she remains in. But who knows what the future holds.

mannaz Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You give me hope. Half my kids are out with me.
> Other half and DW in. DW is most the most honest,
> caring, intelligent, and well read person I know.
> We are solid and our relationship continues to
> grow and deepen after over 30 years of marriage -
> and yes we still have 'the hots' for each other.
> She actually, without my saying a word about
> garments, bought me my first set of underwear
> telling me that she figured that since I don't
> believe I probably did not want to wear garments
> anymore. She is 100% about putting our family
> before church - and one of our kids has come out
> as LBGT. Yet she still outwardly believes even
> though she's read the essays and know many of the
> issues. And it drives me nuts that TSCC is the one
> topic that is incredibly difficult for us to talk
> about. It is a veritable puzzle to me that she
> remains in. But who knows what the future holds.

Yes, it was a taboo topic for us at times too. If I spoke too strongly when answering some of her questions and making my case, she felt like I was trying to persuade her and steamroll her (I can get excited when I'm passionate about something and trying to make a point). She had to move at her own speed which was a lot slower than mine. The church gets woven into every facet of your life - how you think, how you feel, your opinions, your thoughts - its just harder for some people to unravel that and figure out what is truly "theirs" and what was implanted via the church and its culture. But its great that your wife puts family first - as long as that continues you'll be fine. Good luck!

Enjoy your time together and let us know how it goes with your kids when you have the time or inclination to write about it.

Stories like this just make my day.
And you & your wife's LIFE.

I'm happy, I'm sure you two will be, too. :)

I too thought your wife was quiting the marriage! I'm glad that's not the case, and that she's seen the light!

nomonomo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I too thought your wife was quiting the marriage!
> I'm glad that's not the case, and that she's seen
> the light!

Sorry for the misleading title! (I know a couple of others have mentioned it). It made perfect sense to me when I posted it. I should have added "on the church" to the end.

beware of (family) back-lash.

Leaving the Morg / Morland is a tough road, the longer one has been a prisoner, the deeper the pains of leaving, alone OR with family left behind...

your 'friends', assigned or otherwise, will whine, moan, cajole you to come back to fellowship (men) or whatever it is for women...

just sayin'

Small suggestion. Take it or leave it. I humbly suggest that if your son/sons wish to stay in scouting for more than just continuing established friendships with their Mormon friends, maybe you should find a scouting group within another church. I've heard many posters confirm that the ward will swoop down on your children and try almost anything to influence them against their now apostate parents. Not a good position to put your children into.

Happy, oh so happy, that your wife has seen the light and happiness of a new life with you, instead of the corporation, at the center!!!! Hurray for your entire family!!!!

Now you'll be on the run from the Bishop and SP. Like Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier in "The Defiant Ones".

I hope you're watching John Dehlin's Mormon Stories podcasts. They're helpful if you can't just chuck the whole thing.

Yay
Yay
YaY for you, your dw & wkids!
It's amazing what patience can bring.

Blessings!!

what are the pros ?

Dave the Atheist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> what are the pros ?


Structure!

Guidance!

Discipline!

just like the nazis ?

They and the fascists got the trains running on time...

"I sort of hold out the idea that maybe Joseph Smith had a valid spiritual experience as a young man, but that vision/experience quickly disintegrated due to pride, power, greed, etc....I'm not sure."

I'm always surprised when mormons express this sentiment. I think it expressly points to a loser god who, out of all people born in all times and places, would pick Joe Smith to be his new fangled, modern profit. I guess they don't believe in an omnipotent god after all.

The only conclusion I can draw is that Joe was a gold digger the whole time. He found religion to be better than a shovel. There really was nothing noble about Joseph Smith beyond the virtue of being human.

From Devoted Exmo,

" out of all people born in all times and places, would pick Joe Smith to be his new fangled, modern profit."

This has always been my thought. Of all the people in the early 1800's, JS? Really!!??

That was enough to say it's all BS.

I think Samuel Clemens would have been a much better choice. His big flaw was being too honest. I don't think God could cope with that when it came to creating the one true church.

One word: Congratulations :-)

Wonderful! It's so great to read posts like this. Congrats to you and your family.

congrations OPie ~



IN ~ on ~ positive thred ~



IN b 4 ~ OPie is doing it right ~


positive thead is positive ~