I've been out over 3 years...

But one of my biggest problems was every time I returned for a visit due to a concert or other special occasion, I am singled out to give closing prayers in the meetings...

Same when I used to be active, and visited another ward... it happened like clockwork..

"Brother Smith, could you offer the closing prayer?"

I knew it was coming...

WHY DO THEY DO THIS? I'm inactive.. only come once in a while for primary performances or when my wife is really pushy...

and I ALWAYS get asked to give the closing prayer... it bugs the hell out of me!

If they were smart, they wouldn't put the inactive guy on the spot to offer prayers...

Oh, and then when I come back ONE TIME... then the missionaries start up again.. and then someone in the priesthood calls and wants to "meet" with me... we all know what that is... a calling.

All I want is that if I go to please my wife... to be left alone!!

Is that too much to ask these people?

I bet if you were to pray in a style that is YOUR way; not the Mormon way then they'll never ask you again.

"Heavenly Mother,

This meeting was way too long and now it's time to go.

Good bye!"

You may have been joking, but I think that's very true.

To answer the OP, I think the reason they do it is because they think getting you to pray might make you get your testimony back and be active again.

"Is that too much to ask these people?"

Apparently, the answer to that is yes.

My advice, remember that it's okay to tell them no. Repeat as necessary. Eventually, sometimes they get the hint and stop asking so much.

When I was active, there were many people that would say no, to talks, prayers, callings, etc. You won't be the only one.

"I could, but I don't want to." Perfect answer.

My Dad does this to me every time we visit for dinner prayers. There we'd all be, ready for a nice meal and he'd look over to me and ask me to bless the food. When I was just inactive, I didn't mind so much, it was just a little awkward... Now, It's very awkward, I don't believe in God at all and it's more than a little weird to thank a non-existent being for food that being wasn't involved in preparing.

I think I'll have to figure out a way to politely say no next time. I'd love to give a joke prayer, but he's not the type to handle that well...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2016 12:41PM by Finally Free!.

My TBM dad used to always ask me to say food prayers when we visited, knowing full well I was out and didn't believe any of it.

One time he asked and I said "no".....he asked why. I said "I try and be thankful for the things in my life all the time, and reflect on that often, so I don't feel the need to pray over specific things at specific times like food." You might try that approach.

That worked for me....so then he started asking my children to pray...3 year old girl and 5 year old boy....never said a prayer in their lives. When he asked my son, I explained that he wasn't in the habit as we didn't pray in our house and he didn't really know how.

One time he asked my daughter and before I could intervene, she happily agreed to say the food prayer.....I asked her if she knew how and she said she did, so we all just went with it.

Everyone folds arms and bows heads around the table.....and my sweet little girl begins to pray by singing....."dashing through the snow, in a one horse open slay"......in her cute little kid way of speaking. It was awesome.....even the TBM's laughed.

That seems like a good approach. I might just do that!

I would have loved to have been there to hear that "prayer" that would have been hilarious!

Thanks for sharing!

"I pledge allegiance, to the flag....

applesauce

They probably put you on the spot because because they believe that if they get you to participate, you'll feel the spirit and then want to become active again.

When my daughter was 15, she was called out of the congregation by the bishop with no prior warning to bear her testimony. He announced it over the pulpit, so she didn't feel like she could decline. She's now an adult, but still talks about how that experience traumatized her and continues to affect her.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, my daughter had told the bishop that she wasn't sure she had a testimony. In order to fix that, he had her come to his office for almost weekly interviews to discuss her lack of testimony and what she could do to improve it. I certainly wouldn't have allowed this if I had known. I suppose he thought that "inviting" her to bear her testimony would somehow strengthen it. I'm happy to say that his efforts had the opposite effect.


Edited many times to fix lots of typos and add this final thought:

My mom was the Relief Society Pres. many times over the years. She often commented that there were many people who declined to say prayers when she asked them. So I don't think you should feel uncomfortable just saying, "No, thank you." Even active members are doing just that. Whoever is asking you to say a prayer has probably heard it many times before.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2016 03:27PM by want2bx.

I had actually turned down a prayer once...

The guy who asked me just stared at me... not saying a word... and kept staring.

REALLY made me uncomfortable...

Then I said the prayer just to appease him.

A nice phrase is "I'd rather not." You're not actually refusing, just saying you would prefer not too. And you can repeat it ad infinitum. If asked why not, repeat "Because I'd rather not, but thank you." It's not rude, but just be persistant. "No really, I'd rather not." It's a very useful phrase.

I like this, I'll have to remember it when I visit my folks.

"Ghawd and I are NOT on speaking terms at this time. Pick someone else."

Have fun w/ it, example:


"Thou Great and powerful Eloheim, commander and chief of Kolob and well the entire universe...I really like thee. Thou art the best God in the universe, and well thanks for all you do. Anyway..gotta run. In the name of dear baby Jesus. Amen."

It was when the bishop asked me to give the closing prayer that I first realized that I was on my way out. I knew inside myself that I really didn't believe any of it any more, but hadn't said anything to anyone except my wife.

If I remember correctly, I simply told the bishop that I didn't feel that I should, and suggested he ask someone else.

As for blessing the food at the parents' dinner table, I don't think they ever asked me, after I had left. Good thing - I might have said simply, "God, bless this food, amen."

"Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat!"

That might not work: it's about what my brother says and if the food is getting cold, I call on him! To really avoid ever being called, just say a LONG prayer like fifteen minutes and you'll never be asked again. And don't forget to give thanks for finding your keys etc.

I guarantee that the first time you put your hands in the air and shout OH God Hear the words of my mouth, people will never call on you again. Works every time.

Lol!!

Maybe just say "No thank you."

Another option, approach the person in charge before meeting starts, and say, "Please don't ask me to say a prayer."

My answer: "I'd rather not!"
They will quit asking.

Give a rendition of this and you will never be asked to pray again, ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYiWydDyMIE

That should do it. I was also thinking of the closing prayer from "The Meaning of Life";

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fINh4SsOyBw

It surprised me that it took this long before Ricky Bobby was brought up.

Good heavens~!! I have avoided seeing this movie because I thought it would be silly. Obviously I was wrong. I've never heard a more fervent, sincere prayer in my life!

A (Mormon) girl I used to work with was taking a physics class at BYU. And at the start of every class the professor would call on one of the students to give the opening prayer. She didn't think there was any need for an opening prayer in a science class, so she was ready for him when he finally called on her. She opened her purse, pulled out rosary beads, knelt on the floor and said several "Our Fathers" and Hail Marys." Needless to say they didn't have an opening prayer in Physics class after that.

My father asked me to bless the food shortly after I'd left the church (which he knew about). I said "No thank you." And that was it. He never asked again.

Best solution is to say, NO, or I would rather not

Second best solution, have a small unoffensive prayer ready to say. Keep it as short as possible, Something like:

Dear Heavenly Father
May we All strive for world peace
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen

For meals just say 'Bless this food, ITNOJC amen

My freshman year in high school, I had early morning seminary. I went for the first month, but because of sports, I stopped going. The last month of school I attended one morning. The teacher asked me to give the opening prayer, and then at the end asked me to give the closing prayer. I skipped the rest of the month.

The last time people have asked me to pray, except for at meals, I have said 'no.'

It's that simple. I don't give a damn if people consider it rude or not.

Never liked the fact that someone could be put on the spot to say a prayer or hells bells, called on out of the blue to give their testimony or give a talk. I think it goes against the rules of decent boundaries and empathy to do this as you never know what is going on for that other person. Maybe they have a stuttering problem, dread of public speaking, don't like to pray in public, are having a day straight out of hell where to offer a prayer would be impossible, and on and on and on with the possibilities.

And, a big factor for me was the male authority factor due to my childhood situation. My reaction was...."What makes this arrogant so and so think he can just put me on the spot to do this?" I don't care that he has the priesthood. Plus, as I was indoctrinated more into the cult, this reaction of mine to authority at church built in by years of emotional abuse at home
brought on lots of guilt followed by shame. My feelings were at war with each other and being young and uninformed of what was really going on, just added to the whole situation.

How many ways are there to say "No"? I actually listed them once, and I used to use them when I was Mormon. Over the years, it got old, and the more polite forms of "No" turned out to be useless. Any explanation or excuse is just an opening for Mormons to argue with you, judge you, and embarrass you in front of others. I was called to the pulpit in stake conference, to bear my testimony in front of a huge crowd. I stayed seated, and shook my head, slowly. They asked again, and I smiled and waved them off. They asked again, and I sat in my seat, frowned, and kept shaking my head. When I got home, I cried. I was angry to have such extreme group manipulation and humiliation aimed at me like a weapon. I was beginning to understand that Mormons could be a nasty, invasive bunch. I never went to a stake conference again.

Give your own personal spin on "No." I like, "No, I don't want to." It's stronger than "I'd rather...not...." You don't have to explain why--you just choose not to. You choose not to give in to group coercion and public arm-twisting--I think they aren't playing fair.

"No, I don't want to."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,!!"

Even then, the Mormons might not get it. They have no respect for your boundaries. Good luck with the "I want to go to church with my family but be left alone" thing. You will end up paying them money and cleaning the building anyway. You can't change Mormonism. Go find a better church--there are tons out there.

Personally, I am glad to say the prayer because I can make it as long or as short as I feel like. Indeed, when we have people over I make sure that those I first ask with demur So I can call on myself because otherwise a TBM will give a routine Mo prayer. Being invited to give the prayer I am happy. But if asked, I will straight out refuse to read anything out loud from any bogus mo scripture.

Putting me on the spot would piss me off so much. It got him off the hook, and totally cornered me.

I said "no thank you" to an invitation to lead a prayer. I thought my response was polite enough. But the guy looked surprised and asked "Why not?" At that point I was done with being polite. So I said with my sweetest Relief Society smile, "I can't do that because it would violate my deeply held beliefs. I love everyone, but still have my own standards."

Obviously this is not an appropriate response for your situation. You could say no thank you, or if you really want to be as polite as possible, try to discuss it with whomever will be presiding beforehand.

I've seen this done often a morg functions. I wonder what the motivation is. To assert authority by embarrassing someone? To make the person feel like an important part of the group? Do they believe if a non-believer just mouths the words then they will start to believe?

next time say sure, then reach in you pocket and pull out a crumpled piece of paper and start reading this.

Hello. How about that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it sin city. Haha. You guys might not know this, but i consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home i knew he was one of my own! And my wolf pack, it grew, it grew by one. So there were, there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was o- i was alone in the wolf pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought “wait a second, could it be?” And now i know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, In Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, i make a toast.

You could do the "thumbs up" thing, but I think it's more of an evangelical thing.

Maybe they're tired of all the usual suspects offering prayers. Ah, fresh meat! Maybe the dude in charge thinks he's being inclusive and respectful by giving you a part in the show.

"No" is a complete sentence. Pretend the person asking is Chad le Clos and you are Michael Phelps, and glare appropriately.

So, your wife is still TBM? Probably best to use a firm but polite "no," in the interest of preserving domestic harmony--if you do anything outrageous you could offend your wife as well as the ward leadership who deserve it.

But, if you do try the alternate approach, I would be in favor of a prayer to someone other than Mormon god, but spoken in the same tone of voice they use and using the same grammar, so it takes them a bit to catch on. Something like, "Dear Master of Earth, we bow to Thy power. We thank Thee, O Satan, for the carnal desires Thou hast bestowed on us. Prosper our secret combinations, that we might live to serve Thee. We ask this in Thy name, even Lucifer, the Son of the Morning. Amen." Then sit down like nothing out of the ordinary happened.

That was an issue with me when I was a Christian and I use to hate it because I hated praying out loud. I always found it insulting to expect someone to pray out loud without asking if it was okay with them first. Luckily as a female, I didn't get it as often as my male counterparts did but it happened every once in awhile in a small group setting.

Just a suggestion:

I had an 85 year old neighbor that had a birthday party thrown by her husband.

When it came time for the cake, following tradition, everyone sang the Happy Birthday song.

Right after that, her husband said, "Now sing Happy Birthday like the Kiwanis". He was a member for years.

All the Kiwanis attending starting singing, no one on key, no one with the same words, no one starting at the same time. It was total chaos and the biggest laugh of the event.

Maybe something in the same manner, all gibberish, might end you closing prayers or meal blessing for all time..... or the start of a new tradition.

I never prayed in SM once. I always felt prayer was very personal and I was not comfortable praying in public. I had a bishop tell me I needed to practice praying so I could give a prayer in SM. He just didn't get it. I gave a few in places like R.S. I have "anxiety" issues, too, but I gave plenty of lessons to adults, etc.

I think it should be a choice, not a requirement. If you tell them no often enough, they quit asking.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/10/2016 06:06PM by cl2.

You realize, of course, that they are calling on you to say the
closing prayer BECAUSE you are inactive, not in spite of it. The
Mormon mindset is "our church is so clearly awesome that all we
have to do is get someone to feel part of it by participation
and/or calling(s) and they'll reactivate."

Here is one non-religious prayer that can be used before meals --

"We are thankful for abundant food, good health, and the company of loved ones and friends."