I'm compiling my notes so I can start writing my exit story, and I noticed a few particular issues that show up a lot. For instance, it took me a long time to get over the guilt complex. Also, feelings of paranoia.

So, in no particular order, I struggled with: overcoming guilt complex, paranoia, persecution complex, and depression.

It's been so long since I left that I've forgotten a few things -- thank goodness for volumes of journals to remind me -- maybe discussing it will prick my memory with something I might have missed.

What issues did you struggle with?

This biggest issue for me, and the one that took the longest to resolve, was feeling foolish embarrassed about having believed something so patently ridiculous for so long.

Getting used to the idea that life is worth living. It's not a rat race to the CK.

Life is what matters, and in fact it's all that matters. Living for the afterlife is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I want to kick the nearest GA's butt up to the ceiling.

There are probably a lot of things I could mention, but what popped into mind first is, I was shocked to discover I didn't have any REAL friends in TSCC. For nearly 30 years of adult life I went along thinking that I had a full social life with lots of close friends. Wow, I quit going to church and learned that it was all superficial; I was suddenly toxic to everyone I knew. That was hard to deal with, but now I see I'm better off to have learned it was all just a pretend society.

Personally, not much. My biggest struggle is that my wife is still in.

If she ever made it out, Mormonism would be in my review mirror getting further and further away.

Fitting in with regular people. I had few social skills and didn't really know what constituted normal adult behavior.

Stray Mutt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Fitting in with regular people. I had few social
> skills and didn't really know what constituted
> normal adult behavior.


^this.
I can't tell you how many non-mormon people told me, the first year or two I was out, something along the lines of, "geez, were you raised in a commune or something?" because of me not knowing what normal adult behavior was.
I even had a girl, after one of my first non-married sexual encounters, tell me "Honey, you're so broken!" because I suggested that we should get married after having sex.

It took me a few years to learn about the real world. I'm just glad I encountered so many patient people along the way who helped me do just that. :)

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm just glad I encountered so many patient
> people along the way who helped me do just that.
> :)


Yes. I encountered many more patient people than critics.

Yep! Having sex was the same thing as getting engaged! After all, she was about to, or had just, given up her most precious possession, her honor, her virtue! So of course a gentleman had to offer assurance that our plight would be troth

How did I forget that? Yes, that was one of the biggest thing I struggled with for many years after. I was constantly asking people, "is this normal?"

I struggled with finding underwear that fit correctly. I'm not thin and trim.

I have struggled finding my true identity. Constructing a complete concept of self. Caring about what others think of me. Dealing with isolation, whether it is self inflicted or by shunning. All still problems I am trying to work through.

I had no issues with the cult or it's doctrines when I resigned. I kicked all of that shit into the sewer it belonged 45 years ago when I quit attending church. I would have had a tougher time explaining my decision to resign to my mom that to my dad. But they're both long dead so it's moot.

RB



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/12/2016 05:58PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

The main thing was that I had a Mormon-Church-constructed
personality and world-view. I found myself STILL doing
knee-jerk responses to seeing someone drinking coffee or
smoking. I had to redo my whole understanding of right and
wrong. The whole idea of "purpose" in life suddenly collapsed.

Mormonism teaches you to be a good Mormon. It does not teach
you how to be a human being. I had to pretty much re-build
myself from the ground up--things which would usually happen
over a whole childhood.

So my advice is to be patient with yourself, and to realize that
the Morg conditioning runs deep. They carefully installed the
buttons in you. And they often delight in pushing them.

All of that.

When I changed my mind and realized I did not and could not believe the claims of the LDS Church, and I left, for good, I struggled briefly with filling the time slots that had been filled by church work. So, I got busy taking adult education classes for a few years! I also started a Red Hat Society in Santa Barbara that was great fun. Met so many women and made new friends. I also spent more time writing (my hobby) and reading. Still do!

I was a convert, as a young adult, so I never fell into the trap of feeling guilt, shame, etc. I knew full well who I was and knew I was always "worthy." I didn't raise my kids in that guilt-ridden, shame filled, conditioning either.

After I left, I thought I was fine, that leaving the cult would pretty much solve everything. Unfortunately, a lot of damage to my psyche had been done and I was in a lot of denial which I then recreationally suppressed for years.

I couldn't sublimate my emotions or actions after having suppressed them for so long since you know, we're supposed to keep sweet and all that.

Exmos often mention that they missed out on all the joys of young adulthood, but it's sometimes a "grass is greener" issue.

Getting therapy, a correct diagnosis, and having stability in my life made a massive difference. I still struggle, but people can learn to live AND thrive even with mental/emotional roadblocks with support and therapy.

Freedom--to have to wrestle with complex issues and decisions without pre-regurgitated Mormon views. The Boner.

I struggle with trying to like coffee. I mean, I really want to, if only to symbolically oppose TSCC, but I just can't. But I've found that a cup of tea is, well, my cup of tea. So, I'm claiming success.

It took me a while to let go of needing to ask permission to be who I wanted to be. For the biggest part of my adult life, I had to wait for permission to pray, to speak, to teach, to take a damn meal to a neighbor. There was always someone "with authority" that needed to say it was o.k. I even attended a book club once where the stake president had to approve the books that were being read. Although, I was alway a bit of a rebel it took some time to realize that the power was within me to live the life I wanted and to share the gifts that were mine to give the world. Egads, it is a cult that takes years to escape from!!

That kind of mentality, the seeking permission thing, led me right into a bad relationship right when I left. Because I was always seeking permission, I must have looked like a blank slate to him, and he was all too eager to create a new me. And I was all too weak to realize it until it was too late.

That I didn't leave sooner. I knew better. I really did. Why did it take so long?

I had this unrealistic idea that others, especially close family members and friends, when I shared my reasons for leaving Mormonism, would also start the journey to discover truth as I saw it. I expected them to see some truth in what I said and start looking right away into sources, books and the internet, as I had.

When it did not occur, I was devastated. It took quite a while to be able to put this in perspective along with all the other emotions I was feeling.....you know, anger, betrayal, guilt at having been so gullible, etc.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/13/2016 01:46AM by presleynfactsrock.

Knowing that I drug my sons into this nightmare.

First it was fear that my family - who live a long way away - would find out I had left. Then it was the guilt, will sister so and so notice the bottle of wine in my groceries, then I started occasionally attending a different church, fear the family would find out.The fear can be crippling. Here am I, enjoying my life, living it on my terms yet still so heavily indoctrinated that I worry about how my "apostasy" impacts others. Having great post mormon sex certainly helped. I mean, I am definitely going to Mormon hell now, and mormon heaven is not palatable to me.