I just posted this essential Gospel Essay on Mormon Stories ...
http://www.mormonstories.org/sam-young-living-law-of-common-consent-voting-opposed/comment-page-1/#comment-533088Greetings to All of You Blessedly Clueless Sweeties,
As I listened to Sam's truly entertaining tales of personal enlightenment, including all of the confusion surrounding Masturbation and the Law of Chastity, it became obvious that I must share my own Crystal Clarity on that subject ... with the objective of blowing the clouds of obfuscation and uncertainty that are plaguing nearly all of you dear people, however well-meaning you might be.
So ... listen up, everyone. You are the first to read my all new (so NEW it's about to be written down for the first time right now) . . .
THE LAW OF CHASTITY FOR DUMMIES
Core principles are fundamentally important. It is not possible to fully understand or embrace anything without a clear internalization of the underpinning fundamentals that ultimately drive every nuance of a belief or practice, including the Law of Chastity.
What is the Core Principle upon which every aspect of the Law of Chastity can be clearly understood? Try this on for size, and note how much this core principle rings true in your own psyche:
THE ONLY FUNCTIONAL PURPOSE OF HUMAN SEXUAL BEHAVIOR IN THE MORMON CHURCH IS TO GENERATE MORE TITHE PAYERS TO GROW AND EXPAND FINANCIAL SUPPORT AND PERSONAL BENEFIT FOR THE BRETHREN WHO OWN AND CONTROL THE CHURCH, AND ALSO FOR THE BENEFIT THEIR INSIDER RELATIVES AND FRIENDS.
Is that blunt enough for you? Want proof? Then read on. Here is the complete set of ...
LAW OF CHASTITY COROLLARIES
Warning: These are direct and graphic, so fasten your seatbelt. These will clear up Sam's and John's confusion about when and whether masturbation is OK.
1. The only acceptable (temple worthy) way for a Righteous Mormon Male to experience orgasm and ejaculation while awake and conscious is when his naked penis is inserted into the vagina of a human female to which he is lawfully wed, and preferably in the Temple.
1a. The worthy Mormon penis never contacts any other opening, orifice, cleavage, appendage or zone of the female's body. Reason? Only one specific orifice generates new tithe payers. All other receptacles or stimulations are off limits. No exceptions. The Law of Chastity has absolutely nothing to with pleasure or fun, which is only tolerated (not a moral sin) if there is some risk of generating a new tithe payer during the process.
2. The only acceptable (temple worthy) way for a Righteous Mormon Female to experience her own sexuality while awake and conscious is during copulation (orgasm is optional and unnecessary) when her vagina is occupied by the penis of a human male to which she is lawfully wed, and preferably in the Temple.
2a. No object other than a Mormon penis shall ever be inserted into the vagina. The only exceptions are insertions for purpose of feminine hygiene. This does not include any fingers, miscellaneous objects, battery operated devices, etc., in case you are wondering.
3. Masturbation is ALWAYS and FOREVER a direct violation of the Law of Chastity. There are no exceptions, not ever. How so? Read the Core Principle again.
3a. It is impossible for a Mormon male or Mormon female to masturbate a new tithe payer into existence, therefore masturbation is a no-brainer violation of the Law of Chastity.
3b. Masturbation is a moral sin and violation, no matter if you are young or old, male or female, married or single, gay or straight, dead or alive. Period.
3c. If you masturbate, you are a vile and unworthy sinner who should feel racked by intense guilt unless and until you confess to your bishop and repent of your vile worthlessness in the eyes of God and Jesus, whom you have sorely disappointed with your wanton debauchery of your sacred my-body-is-a-temple.
3d. But remember, Jesus hates the sin, but loves the sinner. So just repent as soon as possible and you'll be fine and not have to live with yourself any longer than necessary as the vile and disgusting excuse for a Child of God that you have made yourself into.
3e. If you repent for a while, but then in a moment of weakness, find yourself helplessly relapsing back under Satan's spell of sin and debauchery, then that shows how much faith your really have and how strong your testimony and commitment to keep the commandments and temple covenants really is now, does it not? Is this the best you can do? Are you really THAT weak and faithless?
4. Regarding same sex sex, this is another no-brainer. It is a biologic impossibility for two males or two females to generate a new tithe payer together as a result of their mutual sexual behaviors of any kind whatsoever. This is the core reason why The Brethren simply have never, cannot now, and will not ever tolerate homosexual practice of any kind at any time for any reason as anything other than a Vile Moral Sin Next to Murder. The reason is dirt simple. No new tithe payers. Check the core principle again.
Congratulations are now in order, dear Gospel Doctrine Students! Now you know everything you need to know about the LAW OF CHASTITY! See how clear it all becomes once you understand the Core Principle?
There are more issues of note, which I will cover briefly. You may be wondering about the Law of Chastity when the Mormon female becomes infertile due to menopause. Well, The Brethren are willing to overlook this annoying glitch in natural human ageing. I will remind you that under the original Law of Celestial Marriage (still alive and well in the Hereafter), this menopausal infertility problem was easily solved when the Righteous Mormon Male simply recruited younger, hotter and not to also mention FERTILE females as new polygamous wives. Let the new tithe payers keep on coming! Under the core principle, infertile females are sexually useless, although they can still do chores, help raise their younger sister-wives' new tithe payer kids, etc.
So there you have it! The THE LAW OF CHASTITY FOR DUMMIES in a nutshell. Consider yourself fully informed. You are now equipped to confidently answer ANY question about masturbation and sexual behavior and practice. If there is no risk of generating a new tithe payer, the behavior in question is a vile sin that must be confessed to your bishop as you surrender your temple recommend or get sent home from you mission in disgrace.
(Differing perspectives are invited. However, if you have a differing opinion, good for you, but you are simply wrong. If you don't believe me, ask The Brethren. They know all about the Core Principle. After all, THEY invented it, and THEY continue to vigorously enforce it ... to this day.)
And a sincere thank you to Sam for bringing up this confusing Masturbation question that's too embarrassing for most people to discuss openly. It needed to be discussed. Now it's all cleared up for everyone, thanks to Sam and THE LAW OF CHASTITY FOR DUMMIES!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2016 08:38PM by beyondashadow.