My father in law retired this past spring. My family (my wife and I have several young children) live several states away (about 4 hours by plane or 20+ hours by car). We visit when we can (at least once per year, usually twice) and have flown them out to visit us on occasion. Maybe every other year.

When I let co-workers know about his retirement, several mentioned that we could now expect more visits. What grandparent wouldn't want to enjoy more time with grandchildren, they reasoned.

haha.

Mormon grandparents, that's who.

We have seen them once since their retirement. Meanwhile, how much time has gone to the church?

They have spent 10-20 hours a week doing temple work. They have increased their time with church callings (working with scouts and the youth; think pioneer trek type activities). They have gone on church history trips.

And now, we just learned, they have submitted their paperwork to serve missions. They requested for a European location.

Argh.

How messed up in your head do you have to be to choose a religion over visiting/spoiling your grand-children? Especially grandchildren you can't see just any time you want?

Sorry for the rant. I'm hurt for my children's sake.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. You could be bitching about grandparents continually visiting and preaching to your kid & sending all kinds of mormony stuff.

Church stuff (especially the appearance of church stuff) is more important to TBM's than grand kids.

hahaha! excellent point.

I do need to look at the positive sides of life more often.

True this! We live in the same town as retired Mormon inlaws, and they are making it their personal mission to develop a close relationship with our child, both because they love her, but also because they disagree with us raising her without Mormonism... We have had to have several sit down discussions with them about not pushing their religion on child or us. They are over bearing, especially grandma, who comes to every single event possible for child, buys child entire wardrobe every year at garage sales, complains about not seeing child enough (even though she sees child once/week), and volunteered in classroom at school once/week without even telling me!

Don't get me wrong, they have definitely upped their church activity - doing an 'at home mission for 2 years (40 hrs/week), and now they are on their 3rd year teaching seminary, plus teaching primary on Sunday's.... BUT, I'm tellin ya - be happy they aren't pushy and living by you!

We haven't been able to. Given their other behaviour we'd have to say their "love" factor is far outweighed by the "mormon" factor-so in any individual situation it is impossible to say what is actually motivating TBM grandparents. The stakes (our children) are frankly too high to give the benefit of the doubt, so...we don't.

And to think--they're the church with the ad campaign 'Family: isn't it about time?'

I can relate except my rant is that I am the grandparent who fills gipped in time spent with grandkids and kids who are TBM where the cult takes so very much of their time and attention. And, the fact that I am in cahoots, donchaknow, with satan himself because I am an exmormon makes me feel like I have a communicable disease that they have to stay away from.

I shed too many tears over this one and then made the choice to just due whatever I could when I could to show them how much I love being with them. I am now called the 'fun' grandma as opposed to the Mormon grandma. I think I am making progress.

Well I sure wish you lived near us. Our poor kids could really really use a set of adopted grandparents; we are lonely !!

Upon her retirement, my nevermo friend moved closer to her daughter's family so that she could be more involved in her grandchildren's lives. Her grandson now gets off the school bus and goes to grandma's house. There are lots of fun baking and craft projects, day trips, and you name it. Her daughter has got to love having the most reliable and loving babysitter that you could ask for.

It seems their priorities are misplaced.

Grandparents, of all parents, should know how fast childhood races by. It's there and then it's gone, in a heartbeat.

All that time chasing callings and church activities, for what?

It's really sad, if you ask me.

Maybe your children could "adopt" some grandparents in your community? There are those who would love to fill that bill, who don't have any of their own. It could be a win-win for both you and them. Then when your in-laws check in from time to time from their mission callings, maybe they'll feel a twinge of "that could/should be them" instead.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/14/2016 10:25PM by Amyjo.

My parents are tim, but n laws are not, both live several hours away so my kids don't get to see either set of grandparents very often. And when we do get to see them, we get told all the fun things they got to do with the other grandchildren that live closer, sucks but I try not to dwell on it for my kids sake. It would be nice if my kids were invited to vacation with their grandparents like the other grandkids are, but I don't tell my kids about those trips they weren't in invited to and help them make the most of the time with grandparents when they are around. But it has really made me see what kind of grandma I want to be and don't want to be!

"Tbm" not "tim"

Amen. I could have written this post too. My children have NO idea of what a grandparent is supposed to be. Neither my parents or my in-laws or either set of our step-parents could pick any one of my kids out of a line-up. It is so so so sad. And my kids are hands-down awesome!!

I guess the simple reality is that not all old people are going to be like Zebedee and Hester Walton. And live their lives, 12 hours a day cherishing their family. Some people just don't like kids, plain and simple. I never knew my grandfather well until I was in my 20's. His intelligence and experiences from horse and buggy times was too distant to relate to children and Nintendo games. Remember those from past generations did not venerate childhood. Kids had responsibilities, adults didn't appreciate play time. If I was loud, or said something out of place, I'd get slapped, or worse. children feared the elderly.

This is what I remember from the relics of Edwardian times.

don't feel sorry for your kids, feel sorry for your parents who will never earn their (your kids') respect nor feel their love.

I live in the same town as my parents who run around after my tbm divorcee brother's kids, picking them up from school twice a week, taking them out for trips, etc.

My mother has taken to telling people that I keep her grandchildren from her, but there have been numerous times arrangements have been made only for my parents to have 'no recollection of making arrangements' and kids are let down with no apologies. My kids no longer desire to visit their grandparents; they'd rather spend time playing at/with anything else.

Just today, my father called and dear husband answered - an offer to bring the kids over this weekend was refused. I suppose I bring it on myself for daring to tell them the church lied to us all and now admits it lied.

My kids are lucky they have a never mo grandmother who, although she lives out of town, they see more often since she is always inviting us over and we have a spare room for her so visits often likewise.

This supposed 'family oriented' church is a joke.

The suggestion to adopt a granny locally is a great one - I'd bet your family doctor knows an isolated elder person/couple who don't see their own grandkids much and would help surrogate grandkids thrive.

Mormons are a great example of how not to live your life.

My dad's Catholic parents were the type who didn't really like being grandparents, as things were extremely formal at their house, and everything was planned down to the minute. There was a picture of my grandma with her great grandchild, my niece as a baby and you could tell she didn't really feel comfortable holding her on her lap.

There was no making cookies or baking because my grandma had OCD about keeping the house clean, and the thought of grandchildren rolling out dough would have caused a major anxiety attack. She was the type to wash the dishes completely before putting them in the dishwasher, and would even wash paper plates with soap and water before throwing them in the trash which was at least double bagged.

On the other hand . . .

My relatives went on a senior mission and felt great relief, especially the wife. She got two years without having to put on Christmas for some 30-odd descendants. And Thanksgiving. Funny that was the one thing she mentioned about how great it was to get a mission call.

So in some cases the grandparents might be relieved to be free of grandparent duties, even if for only a short time.

Now of course they are both getting on in years (in their 80's) so they have an excuse.

We learned to stop complaining and be thankful-fewer meant less time for their influence to be felt.

Will hurt their children trying to spoil, indoctrinate and ruin their g-kids.

I am a grandparent of nine and a great grandparent of four. I love them all, but they get on my nerves when they come to visit. I normally will socialize with them until I start to get grumpy and then I will retire to some secluded part of the house and hide or feign sleeping. Seeing them for a few times a year sounds good to me. One at a time is not too bad, but when three or four arrive at the same time and the house appears as if it has been hit by a tornado, I tend to wish for them to leave to go tear up their own house. I hope you don't think of me as a bad Papa, but I raised my kids and did it without much grandparent help. Oh, by the way, my Dad acted as I do so maybe we really do turn into our parents as we grow older.

This is an interesting thread. I don't have grandchildren yet, but hopefully will in the next couple of years. All of my friends who have grandchildren adore them and tell me all the time how much fun it is and how they love spending time with them.

I loved both sets of my own grandparents. My siblings and I didn't get to see as much of my mom's parents because they lived farther away, but we did spend time with them in the summer, usually 2-3 weeks. There were 6 of us and they loved having us 2 at a time so they could spend quality time with us. My mom was an only child, so her aunts and uncles were the only ones we had on her side. They were a close family and we got to spend time with some of them as well in the summer for several days to a week. I have wonderful memories of those summers.

My dad's parents were a bit more well-off and lived closer, so we saw them more often and they had the means to be very generous to us when it came to birthdays, Christmas, etc. I can't say I loved them more, but they were the grandparents with the goodies. They also had many more grandchildren, although I was the oldest and I think a bit special <grin>. Again, we would take turns spending a week or so with them in the summer. They had grandchildren with them all summer long. They loved it, too. I remember my grandmother saying to me, "Now don't tell ANYONE, but you're my favorite." I found out years later she said that to all of us. LOL.

To this day, I miss them all. I feel sad for people who, for whatever reason, have never experienced loving grandparents, it can be a very special relationship.

DebbiePA Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
I remember my grandmother
> saying to me, "Now don't tell ANYONE, but you're
> my favorite." I found out years later she said
> that to all of us. LOL.
>


Now that is a canny granny - making each of her grandchildren feel valued and special.