I am 44, single/divorced male, living in beautiful Salt Lake County. I want to meet and date wonderful women, but i am surrounded by a lot of active and devout mormons(which is not what i am seeking). I want to go out with exmormons, or those that are leaving the faith. What are my options and how can i find women leaving TSCC.

Any suggestions on finding and meeting women in that category is greatly appreciated.

Go to the Exmo Conference! Circulate!

Get on FB and join exmo groups.

That's how I met La Saucie. I only have another five years of payments to Facebook and she's mine, free and clear!!!

what are some of the exmo groups on FB?

¿ who was bar ?


¿ who was frozen food section of local grocery ?


¿ who was starbucks ?


¿ who was religion section of bookstore ?


¿ who was strip club ?


¿ who was backpage dot com ?


¿ who was neighbor ?

Most of those are terrible ideas. Do not hit on women in random public places. That's harassment.

Do, however, join a club (exmo meetup group?), take a class (salsa or swing -- women LOVE men who dance and men are scarce at dance lessons). Reach out to people you can help: volunteer for a food bank or Habitat for Humanity or teach people to read at the library.

Stop worrying about dating options and start worrying about making yourself the best Self you can be. Do what you love. Give your time, talents, and resources to people in need. Build relationships with friends and family. Make new friends. Focus only on those things.

I'm told that what's supposed to happen is you'll meet someone organically. It'll be a volunteer who is as passionate about (insert charity here) as you are. Or a fellow hiker, paddler, biker, whathaveyou. Or a friend of a friend that you met at a party. Put yourself out there, in social situations where you have the chance to talk to people and get to know them. That is the answer.

Also pro tip: Do not, ever, ever, try to date a stripper.

I met my first husband in a grocery store.

I met the man i've been married to the last 26 years, in a bar.

My son met his wife in a bar.

My daughters husband used to be her neighbor.

I have a friend who also married her neighbor.

I have two friends and 2 siblings who married people they met online.

I met my current wife at a bar. A weight lifting bar. At a gym. Lol!
To me, it doesn't matter where you meet, it just matters you meet!

Okay, well, then good luck building a nice, loving, stable partnership with that stripper you met at the titty bar.

I'm thinking you didn't mean to address Madalice or myself. Neither of us mentioned a "titty bar" as an option. Honest mistake, I assume. Cheers. ;)

I have a big group of friends range 30 to 50 who all are exmo. And there are tons of exmo in the fitness world in Utah.

You could also show up to conference with a sign. One side could have words that expose the church, the other side could advertise you're single and ready to mingle.

There is a secret xlds singles facebook group, seems like most of them are in Utah.

Go to the meetups in Salt Lake and get involved with the in-person groups.

Join meetup.com go on the activities that mormons wouldn't like happy hours, hiking on sunday, etc. There are all kinds of meetups, not everyone in SL is mormon.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2016 11:20PM by onendagus.

How does one get invited to this secret FB group? I am interested.

That's the secret of secret Facebook groups. You have to know a cool kid who invites you into the club.

It is called XLDS Singles. One of your facebook friends who is a member has to invite you. Or you can add the organizer as a friend with the message you want to join the group and she will add you. email me if you want her contact info: mebacougar@gmail.com

I've heard lots of advice--only date a nevermo, only date an exmo. Just like leaving mormonism--do what you feel comfortable with. Its not like you are getting married, right? Date both types. You will learn something from each kind.

It depends where you are at right now and it will change. If you date a nevermo while still obsessing about moism, it might freak them out after a while and they might not understand the obsession. So go for an exmo, they will get you. Later if you start moving on from exmoism, date a nevermo or another moved on exmo. Its all good.

For me, I stay away from dating exmos. I've got my own baggage and can imagine they've got theirs, too. I come to this site to read and discuss leaving the morg--when I want--but how many times is that subject going to come up when I'm with an exmo? I don't need to discuss the morg 24/7 with someone. I want to find _other_ things in common, not our mutual disdain for the church.

Try dating sites. I'm about your same age and I've had good success going out with lots of women. It also matters, uh, I guess what you look like. I've dated 32-48 year olds and gotten in the sack a lot. All nevermos. My experiences would blind you about how many and how often. And they are all very nice women, thank you. It's been mostly nurses this past month.

I don't like the idea of picking up women at bars, BUT...I've heard from a few women that they feel disadvantaged about being able to approach a man in that environment and wish more would talk to them. I'm just sayin', they are often going there for a reason, too.

Why assume that a female ex-Mo will automatically want to talk about the Morg 24/7? For many of us, it's in our past (maybe distant past at that), not our present, and we've moved on. Refusing to date someone because their past included a certain religion seems a bit, well, prejudiced. Just saying.

I'd prefer to date an exmo. That's a huge thing to have in common. Especially if family and friends on both sides are tbm. We would be able to relate and understand what each other are going thru/have gone thru.

It's just my personal preference. I started getting to know someone who asked me about my religion...I told her that I used to be LDS. She told me that she was baptized the year earlier and hadn't been going to church much.

BUT, it seemed like whenever we talked, she wanted to bring up her membership. Should she go back? What should she say to the RS president? Her experiences. It just went on and on. I had to tell her that I just couldn't date a current or exmo.

OK, I agree that in most situations with exmos, it probably isn't going to be an issue or the subject of the church isn't going to come up a lot. But like the other thread about "tiggers," it's one of mine and even if it comes up once a month in conversation _I'm_ going to be uncomfortable and have to retrace issues with the church in an unprepared moment. I can choose to come here and read, comment, etc., and I like it that way.

....and furthermore ;)

How is it prejudiced? Everyone has preferences, I have mine. I don't date white, blonde women because I they don't appeal to me. Maybe because my ex was that and I have a negative association or something--but it's not a prejudice, it's a preference.

And I don't want to be in a situation, years on, when an exmo says that she's thinking about going back to church. It happens and I don't want to even think of the possibility of that divisive cult coming between me and a woman again.

I get that you don't want problems down the road. If a date keeps mentioning church and seems like they're not over it, that could be a red flag and reason to look elsewhere. Same thing if they keep obsessively talking about the ex-spouse.

Prejudice is when you make assumptions about a person based on their membership (or in this case, former membership) in a particular group, without getting to know the individual.

Many of us want nothing to do with TSCC ever, ever again -- much like we would not want to belong to any other hate group or cult we found abhorrent -- especially since we already experienced the horrors firsthand.

I am in agreement with you and understand better what you were trying to say (but I didn't understand). Thanks :)

My StalkerDog™ would come back as a ghost and bite me in the tuchas if I didn't suggest volunteering at an animal shelter or joining an animal rescue group. You can even volunteer to rescue a particular breed of dog or cat. If you find something like that appealing at all, just Google "[whatever breed you want] rescue"- For example "Maine Coon Cat rescue" and find something in your area.

It's a great way to meet nice people who are not arrogant types. A bullying person would not be interested in rescuing!

Just a thought.

[Edited because I'm an idiot]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/28/2016 04:31PM by Doxi.

there are options ?

there is tinder
Bumble
farmersonly.com
match.com
eharmony.com
the local bowling alley
facebook
the local grocery store

Find people like the rest of the world does. They go to bars and drink themselves into everyone's bed. If you wake up next to someone with teeth, put a ring on it.

Date a never mo...

Don't limit yourself with the ex-mo identifier. Salt Lake County is only 60% Mormon... so lots of beautiful, fun, never-mo women too.

The best way to meet women to date is to be out in the world doing the activities you love to do. You will soon meet women out enjoying the same things. If you are attracted to each other.... it will all happen naturally.

You're probably not ready yet. And that's OK. Look yourself in the mirror.

Are you healthy? Do you take care of yourself and have your shit together in life? Do you have a sense of style that's you? When's the last time you updated your wardrobe? Are you excercising? Eating right? What's your grooming habits? Do you smell? Good Hygiene? Is your car and house clean?

Ask some close friends for an honest perspective. Working on some of the above things will make you appear more attrCtive and give you greater confidence.

Think about what makes you happy. What do you enjoy doing? What activities do you like? Get really into it. Meet new people, even people you aren't trying to date. Expand your social circle. Get good at planning fun activities. Invite others along. Smile a lot. Be kind and friendly to everyone.

So much about relationships and meeting someone is just timing. Keep at the above and don't worry so much about dating. It will happen organically.

Yes, i have my shit together. I think I am one of few men who actually takes care of themselves in wardrobe, hygiene, home, education, grammar, family, etc. I have had many close women friends comment that I am a catch, and they aren't blowing smoke up my ass. Its just the issue that the large majority of people I know now, and the women I meet, are all TBMs. Which means I am immediately a disappointment to the women who are expecting the perfect, eternal soulmate. A worthy, righteous man to take them to the temple. You know the drill. I consider that my non mormon dating options are very limited, so that is why i created this post in the first place.

"I have had many close women friends comment that I am a catch, and they aren't blowing smoke up my ass."

Generally speaking, if you're a decent single guy and a "catch", you don't have to do much looking. The women will find YOU. Decent, single women outnumber good single men probably 5 to 1.

"Its just the issue that the large majority of people I know now, and the women I meet, are all TBMs."

Maybe you should just get out more to places where TBMs don't necessarily go. For instance, my wife and I are karaoke singers, so we go to bars and restaurants that have karaoke. We've made lots of friends that way. Most TBMs would consider that kind of activity too "worldly" or time-wasting, so the kinds of people who do it are more laid-back and fun-loving. Just participate in things that you're interested in, and you'll meet people. Hell, if you live in SLC, I'd bet that you could call up Sandra Tanner, and she could come up with half a dozen good non-Mormon women for you to check out.

I'm a 61-year-old happily married grandpa, but if it so happened that I ever looked for another companion, I would ask around in my circle of trusted friends. I'd also look for a professional woman, like a teacher or healthcare worker, who has a decent career and stability. As an example, one of my oldest friends, a tile contractor, left the church, and his blue-collar TBM wife divorced him. A few years later, he met and married a professor of psychology at the local university. It was quite an upgrade for him. It's a lot easier for a good single guy to meet women than the opposite.

Why do you want to meet women and date?

Good friends, or family, can be more relaxing and fun to be with. Taking a class is more interesting than boring conversation. You will save money not having to pay for entertainment and meals and date-appropriate clothes. Shopping, getting a haircut, washing and detailing your car, dashing from one bar to another to another church to a football game to a book club to an AA meeting (lots of singles there) and taking photos and writing on Facebook and meeting strangers online and begging your friends to fix you up on a blind date...do you really want to do this? Wouldn't you rather go skiing, hiking, join a conservation group, garden, cook some nice dinners for people you already know, go to some concerts with a pal, play in a band--there are about a hundred other things I'd rather do than go on a tedious DATE. I'd rather babysit my sister's kids. (Actually, I met someone at the playground, and we dated for several years.)

I was a million times happier, once I gave up the idea that I had to find another spouse. Actually, what people say is true. When they tell you to stop searching for a mate, and start living your life, listen to them. I did have several nice relationships with single men (among a lot of indecent proposals from married men--gag), but these were old hometown friends who were divorced or widowed, a few neighbors, some set-ups, and an old BYU acquaintance I ran into on the ski lift. I went back to the university, at age 40, for my career, and surprisingly had more dates than I could handle, and I'm not that pretty or flirty.

We all had something in common.

Learn the value of solitude. Learn to not be dependent on others for your happiness. Get to know other men, as well as women. Get a dog (a warm furry one to hug and keep you warm at night). Be nurturing and caring towards others.

My favorite of my boyfriends was featured in a Salt Lake magazine, as an "eligible bachelor" and it was upsetting to observe the silly manipulations that women would design, to try to just meet him. If you have money, business connections, and are tall and fit, you will have no problem at all meeting women in Utah! Yes, it is that superficial.

I ended up dating Mr. Wonderful only because I went out of my way to be friendly to two shy women, who were alone in the corner at a business party. We stuck together during other business parties, too, and at one party, the brother of one of the women was with his sister, and naturally we met.

You are wise to not date Mormons. Don't limit yourself to only ex-Mormons, though. Widen your parameters. Include different races, different age groups. Try something new. You will do fine--I promise!

Wife #1: in a coffeehouse
Wife #2: in a bar
Wife #3: next-door neighbor
Wife #4: online (she was a hooker)
Wife #5: in a Mormon church

That should clear things up for you.

I was divorced at 40 and went to a local church's (not LD$) divorce support group. You can meet a lot of interesting people there. But many of them have a lot of baggage or have serious issues to work through. I did meet my current wife there, and we've been happily married for 18 years.