I have been posting for months about how I needed to tell my parents that I no longer consider myself to be a mormon.
I still haven't done this. Why? Because I am scared. Because I have been conditioned to believe that everyone's feelings matter before mine. I am incredibly passive. I hate asserting myself. But I am ready to do it, and I need help.
I am tired of trying to find the baggiest clothes I have to hide the fact that I took off my garments. I hate having to bite my tongue every time my apostate aunt comes up in conversation. I hate chewing gum like a fiend to cover up my coffee breath.

It isn't me. This isn't me. This isn't the me that I can be or the person I want to be.

We were all raised as Mormons to put EVERYONE before ourselves. Beyond that some of us were made to feel that doing anything at all in our own best interest was anti-Mormon.

Time to take yourself back. You are no good to anyone until you are your own champion.

Just like on the airplane--put your own oxygen mask on first, and then help everyone else. There is a reason for that and it's called common sense.


Doing what you are about to do was the most traumatic moment of my life. It was also the best one because it made an honest man of me and I chose that over any possible consequences.

Good luck.

Overcoming a fear that's been hammered into you since the day of your birth (if you're a BIC) isn't easy. It's damn hard.

All I can tell you is: once you DO overcome it, and be honest with your parents, you'll feel a feeling of freedom that you've never felt before. Even if they get mad, or yell at you, or disown you, or whatever else (that your worst fear can imagine) happens: YOU get to feel honest, open, and free.

Try imagining THAT feeling. Then act to feel it.
It's worth it.

Then say, "No, the mormon church wasn't working for me, so I want to try other options, but I'm still me and I'm fine."

After that, you don't have to explain or try to get them to understand. If you're an adult, you have a right to go to any church of your choice or to no church at all.

Good luck. We all understand your hesitancy.

It sounds like you are an adult (since you used to wear garments). I assume you don't live at home, so they can't kick you out. So yeah--it's time to stop biting your tongue.

I would suggest doing this by degrees. I wouldn't start out by blurting out that the church is all BS. But start out by defending your aunt. Wear what you want, and if they notice you aren't wearing garments, then tell them that your underwear is none of their business. In fact, in all reality, your beliefs are ALSO none of their business. But I do get it if you want to clear the air.

I'd still stick with chewing gum after coffee, though ;-D.

I am an adult, married with a 3 year old. My husband is supportive. I actually think he may be quick to follow :)

If telling them has financial and other (your personal security or living arrangements) implications that complicates it for sure. Wishing you well whatever path you take.

RB

It doesnt. I don't depend on my parents for anything. Except love and support, because I do love them and hate the idea of dissapointing them.

The church has taken so much out of me though, that it will be worth it to tell them. I just don't know how :(

Thanks everyone for your replies. It means a lot to have your support

There is nothing like the freedom of leaving it all behind. I was a BYU student when I stopped wearing garments. I deliberately wore a white blouse to show there were no garments. I waited to see if anyone would dare to ask me about my underwear - no one did.

Have you spoken with your "apostate" aunt? I assume she would be delighted to know you are a fellow traveler and she might have some ideas on presenting this within your family.

The nice thing is, there are no rules of having to tell them or not. Some of that depends on your age and situation.

I am 38 years old and now 7 years removed from my Mormon belief. I wanted to tell my parents quite a few times over the last 7 years. Ultimately I have decided not to. I decided I didn't want my parents to go to their graves thinking it was something they did wrong. In fact I have chosen not to tell anyone on my side of the family. That is the nice thing, you get to decide who knows and who doesn't know your situation.

If you haven't done it already, I suggest giving your apostate aunt the good news, let her know she's no longer alone, before telling your parents. You will want to get all the support and allies you can beforehand.

And don't worry about "letting your folks down." At some point in their lives, they've been disappointed before, and they're still alive. They will find a way to live with it.

If they throw a tantrum, calmly point out that they're acting like children, they need to grow up, and you will get back to them when they're prepared to act like adults.

What you just said in your post to us is perfect. Ask your parents if they want you to be happy. Ask them if they want you to be who you are or do they want you to pretend to be something you are not. Hard to imagine them telling you anything other than they want you happy and to be yourself.

Ask them if you had a job you hated and didn't fit you, would they want you to leave the job. Ask them if you should vote for who your conscience says to vote for or follow a crowd of friends.

Then you can apply all that to church. I hope you can do it. Let your love for them show in all you say and reinforce that not believing in their church has nothing at all to do with your love of them and for them. Give them a chance to love you unconditionally.