I am going through a divorce right now. Both my spouse and I left the church a few years ago. At times it has been hard on her and she has wanted to return. No problem she wanted to take the kids ok no problem with me. We have a new born baby a few months old. I work 2 jobs both jobs I love not many can say that. It takes away from my family time but we need the money and one job I get flight benefits. My soon to be ex is from the Philippines we need the benefits to fly home otherwise we can’t afford it. Family of 5 cost a lot to fly them home as often as she wants. Well last month I had a job interview in Japan. A month after my wife had the baby not easy to go but it would have been a lot more money. Today my sister gets it in her that I flew to Japan to have an affair. She believes that the reason for the divorce is because I left the church any anyone who leaves the church can have an affair. Also we had a baby before we got married. In her mind that is the real reason I left WTF that is messed up and no I’m not having an affair. The divorce is due to us growing apart. She then tells me that she is going to call my job on Monday make up stories about me. That I’m on drugs and misusing company money. I can understand a spiteful ex doing that but not my own sister. I have family that won’t even talk to me after I left the church. I haven’t spoken to my brothers in years now. My sister only calls me to attack me. This is a good LDS family if they only knew how they treated their oldest brother. I had a brother a few years ago when we were on speaking terms invited me to his wedding. All my brothers his friends and my brother in law all where in the wedding party he paid for the tux for all of them. Me I’m not joking here where sat in the back of the room back corner table away from the family. My brothers will often fly into town for conferences and won’t even say hi. One time I was at a conference as a presenter I look and I see my brother that I haven’t seen for years. I made it a point to talk to him after he acted like he didn’t even know me. Leaving the church was the best thing to happen to me losing a family over the church well that’s another story. Thanks for letting me vent sorry this is so messy my thoughts are in a million places right now.

I feel for you. Some of us share some of your pain.

Tell your sister to stop & desist. Tell her you'll sue her ass into bankruptcy if she goes to your job. If you have $250.00 to spare, get an attorney to Fed Ex her a letter, on their letterhead, stating the same. Divorce is difficult enough without having a meddling family. Nip in the bud immediately, or you'll be cleaning up this shit forever.
I know that your head is spinning. Trying to react to every innuendo will drive you nuts. Slow down, take a measured approach & things will work out. Good luck!

Tell your sister to back off, and disown her.

I had to do that with a TBM brother who was abusive and manipulating as hell. He interfered with my family before and after I left the cult.

Just cut off all ties to her, and mean it. It hurts to do that, but her meanness is more than worth it to justify your actions. She sounds demented and evil to threaten your livelihood and make false accusations.

You could sue her for libel and slander if she continues.

I've worked two jobs to support my family - it was tough to, but the difference was providing a roof over their heads or dealing with foreclosure. It wasn't much of a choice, really.

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Talaga, pogie ka ba? ;-)

Sorry to hear your troubles, bro.
Any chance of reconciliation with your asawa? This is going to be tough on the kids, but if it's inevitable, I hope you can work out ways to still be their dad.

Vent away, we're here to listen. And send best wishes.
But, yeah...TBM families can be (ok, ARE) like that.
They always need to blame. And you being an ex-mo is reason enough.
I mean, it's not like TBMs ever have marital problems or get divorced, right? :)


edit for ps: saan sa Pilipinas?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/04/2016 07:43PM by ificouldhietokolob.

I had to disown my tbm family while going through my divorce because they made me feel worse than I already felt. Being completely alone was easier than being hurt by people who were supposed to love me. It was the most difficult time of my life, but I'm much stronger for it.

With family like that, you don't need enemies. I would block your sister's phone number.

Being shunned is very painful at first! I cried buckets of tears. Each new person who shunned me, opened a new wound in my heart.

But it does get better in time. Eventually, you will realize that your life is happier without these cruel, manipulative people in it.

It's simple. I don't like being around people who make me feel bad.

My experience was similar to Eliza Snowjob's. If one thing in your life deviates from "the plan", you will be judged, snubbed, or shunned. With me it was my divorce.

Later, it was my choosing my children over the cult. It was a shock to realize that my family members never really loved me unconditionally, and they would instantly turn on me.

Anyone who wants me in outer darkness, anyone who physically abuses my children, anyone who threatens my children and me that we will be separated for eternity, anyone who wants us to fail, anyone who deliberately makes us unhappy--these people are my enemies! Yeah, I'd rather be alone.

Guess part of our healing is accepting that they aren't going to change, only we get to make our paradigm shift away from that toxic environment of having grown up in a cult. As hard as it is/was, it's the only logical choice when many of our loved ones or who should be family, stay behind.

What your sister is talking about is called "libel per se" and it is very serious business. I think you should arrange one letter to her from a competent attorney acquainting her with the downside potential to her for engaging that kind of activity.

Examples of libel per se are statements that: (i) relate to the person's business or profession to the person's detriment; (ii) falsely claim that the person committed a crime of moral turpitude; (iii) imputes unchastity on the person; or (iv) claim that the person suffers from a loathsome disease.
libel per se | Wex Legal Dictionary / Encyclopedia | LII / Legal ...
https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/libel_per_se

I have to agree with those who say you should get an attorney to write a firm letter to your sister. Can you block her number at work?

I feel for you. It is amazing how you think that your family really loves you unconditionally and then you leave the church and you find out that is was really conditional all along. It is really hard to take. Hang in there. Many of us are having to cut out our family and it is hard to break the ties, even when it's the best thing for us.

I agree w/others that one stiff letter from an attorney will put the kibosh on her nonsense.

The trouble with libel is that you may prove yourself innocent, but people will always have a mental image of you doing those things you were accused of.

I hope you don't delay in contacting an attorney.

I am in the same boat. Leaving is the best thing ever. Dealing with shitty "family forever" sucks.

Pogie this is incredibly rough.But the other posters are right.Sis is not going to respond to reason or negotiation. The letter from the lawyer makes sense. Turning your back on them makes sense, but it sounds like that is a difficult step for you to take. I hope you can connect with some others who will treat you well. You deserve to be ttreated well.

Your family sounds a lot loke mine - a bunch of crazies who can appear sane when required. They need a scapegoat on whom to vent their sadistic side, so they chose me.

It was not good for me to take on faith that they loved me. I backed away, looked at the evidence, and realized that they were only nice to me when they wanted something from me. It was painful, but very liberating to realize that they did not love me.

I served as both a tool and scapegoat for far too many years. It became almost funny how they turned on each other when I went to NO CONTACT. It wasn't really funny, because those types of personality disorders are no laughing matter.

You can't heal, fix, or force them to act out of love. They have to want to fix themselves, and seeking professional help is the only sign that they recognize a problem with their behavior. You saw that there was an issue, and wanted to heal that part of yourself. No one could force you to choose CBT, and no one can force them - they have to want it.

It is my hope for you that you realize how toxic your family is for you, and that you should never rely on them to show up, support you, or to put you first. Ignore their words, and judge by their behavior.

It doesn't matter what your sister believes, but her threats to act out on her false beliefs are dangerous to you. How did she find out about the job in Japan? If you have no contact, do you let them on your facebook or something similar?

A lawyer is an excellent idea, but you also need to be proactive in protecting yourself from her stalking behavior. Even if you did have an affair, your marriage is NONE of her business. As long as you care what she believes, you give her power. Stop making it possible for her to interfere. If it's your ex who is feeding your family information, explain that doing so could interfere with your ability to fly her home so often.

I have a feeling that your sister wants to keep you near, spoil your chances at this job, so she can keep manipulating and abusing you. Block all contact with her. Don't explain it, just cut her off.

I wish you well.