I broke away from the cult more than 20 years ago, and from time to time I still think of my escape, which for me is one of my lifetime achievements, it really is. Though I imagine many people might see it as no big thing - like you went to church then you stopped going, big deal? But for me it is a big deal and hard won too. Particularly as my other lifetime achievements have all pretty easy to do, loving my wife, raising our children together, and supporting my family financially.

When I first began to realise that the church was a fraud it felt like I was standing on an abyss and going mad! My mind at war with myself, tumbling thoughts and a fear that's hard to explain. At its worst I didn't know if I was coming or going, with a massive anxiety that my wife might leave me because of my imminent apostasy. I of course couldn't speak to anyone about what was happening to me and had to keep attending church and doing my callings. It was nightmarish.

Well, my wife and I made it through OK. In fact my wife seemed to have a much easier transition than me, perhaps because she was baptised at 13 when her parents joined the church it maybe put a bit more distance between her adopted core beliefs and her real beliefs.

I am still free and intend to keep it this way, as does my wife. Leaving mormonism was like coming out of a tunnel I'm free and have been for years now - it's wonderful and yes I do still bang on about church because I allowed it to hold me captive for so many years but I now know what it really is.

I am very happy for you and for your wife and family, jstone.

Twenty years and counting sounds really good!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Good for you!
Me too. It's been about 20 years.

I look at people who have spent their entire life in the church and never once thought to question anything. I can't imagine going through life like that.

I'm so glad that I somehow snapped out of it. Life is too precious to spend in a cult.

It IS a big deal and you should feel proud and happy you were logical enough to see the light. Too many people enjoy the delusion and refuse to see the truth. You've saved yourself and your children from a life of being religiously used and abused.

I imagine the self-loathing I would feel if I were in the shoes of the apostles who know they are perpetuating a giant soul crushing lie. How those men live with themselves is beyond me.

Congratulations to you and your wife! You probably saved your children, as well.

I'm sure you worked very hard to earn your success in life--but I know what you mean about the cult being something very difficult. Work is rewarding, there is progress, you are in control of your life, things make sense, and you can learn and grow and be promoted. Good people are working along side of you. The Mormon cult is full of hate, hopelessness, and despair. Everyone is being lied to. The wrong human traits are being rewarded--and JS and BY are the examples. The wrong people are being promoted. Logic and love and integrity have no place in the Mormon cult, though in real life these things matter.

Family matters to us! I also feel that leaving a lying, abusive cult is one of my life's achievements--because I set my children free!

Stay proud. The real "apostates" were those neighbors of JS who left the religions of their forefathers to join a lying, polygamous, anti-Christian group of weirdo's. We, now, are putting our family back on track--hopefully for all the generations to follow.

Thank you for your post, at this time of Thanksgiving!

Beautifully expressed post. I SO I identify. I have been out for decades but still count the moment I realized the church was false as the most fortunate moment of my life because it made everything that came after possible.

My only regret is that some of the nevermo's I know cannot understand the depth of it all--that it actually was an escape as you put it. I would like that.

Best to you jstone.