Is it just my impression, or are we seeing more off-topic posts here lately? Posts about news headlines, deaths of personalities, movie questions, recipe requests, personal hygiene questions, computer technical questions, favorite foods - ALL OF WHICH HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MORMONISM or mormon recovery.

There are some posters, even long-time posters, who have started as many as four or five off-topic threads in a single day.

Yes, most are labeled "OT", but some are not. Yes, I could just skip over them, but they occupy the first page, and thus push down the legitimate posts that really deal with the topic of this forum: recovery from Mormonism.

Politics has long been a banned topic, and rightly so, because it, too, is "off topic" - why allow all the rest of this?

Please, admins, if posters cannot or will not restrict themselves from posting OT threads, can you at least put up a sticky similar to the "No Politics!" post, saying "Please restrict your off-topic posts!"?

[end curmudgeonly rant]

Yes, we have received a few emails regarding that issue. It has been slower here over the election and holiday period and now we are picking up again. We will be more diligent in removing seriously off topic threads. We let them slide for awhile. We had an off topic board once, but it got abused. If one of the new admin volunteers that I have yet to contact wants to handle - we could try again?

Please try to stick to the topic. There are many online friendships here so off topic threads have a comfort factor perhaps not found elsewhere. I am not sure the best way to handle this w/o hurting feelings. We will discuss among the admins.

I'm (almost entirely) with Richard on this one.
How many of the worst movies ever I've seen, have any of us seen any of the new movies just out, etc. etc. etc. are annoying and clogging.

I know you're swamped, Eric, but just another nod to "less of these, please." :)

I think it is because as exmos (I, myself, am a nonmo), they feel a sense of community with people who have the same likes and dislikes, when some of the exmo's real lives are smothered in mormonism.

I think limiting that is a mistake...but that is my opinion..

Thank you, Richard. You have no idea how your research and wisdom have given me direction. To your credit, I may have been one of those you refer to. I will consider your thoughts. Truly respect them. Wish I could meet you, among many others.

From the backside of my waterfall, I've found friends. Real friends. Invisible friends. Friends just the same.

I'm an introvert. Don't get out much. But you and others fill a void that would take so many words to describe. I will seriously consider your thoughts.

Be well, my friend.

IMHO we could sure use a sub-category for OT and other posts. Many of us have things so say that don't quite fit into this idiom but that we'd like to be able to tell our colleagues here.
I'm just an old grouchy retired farmer, not a web designer so don't know how that works but it's just a thought.
I am active on another site (nothing to do with exmos) and they have OT and politics sub-categories that get policed pretty vigorously should someone post in the wrong place.

RB

There are way too many OT threads. And for that matter, I see more and more political posts sneaking through.

Yeah- but where do you draw the line? Mormon church backed Prop 8 discussions? Mitt Romney- white horse prophesy talk? Mormons denying SSM, through political actions? If "the church" and high profile members involve themselves in politics or political issues, that should not be banned. The church is a business that use money & influence for political outcomes.

I agree -- too many off-topic posts, although I'm as guilty as anyone of responding to them.

Maybe put a limit on individual board members -- no more than 1 OT post per week, or something like that.

As A sometimes guilty party, I would say I like some degree of OT threads as good to lighten the day.

Maybe a little OT, but how about them Cowboys?

Joking, I'm mostly on board with policing the OT stuff. I suspect however that there is some lenience given at times for reasons that do not need to be elaborated on. I'm okay with that lenience specifically for those imagined reasons.

I would also add there seems to be a lot of threads that get exceedingly long--some over 50 posts. Back in the day they were usually always cut off at 30.

Shorter threads make reading them a lot easier.

I understand you are down moderators. If this was an administrative decision rather than being in response to lack of moderators, I vote to go back to the old way.

Yes, a while back Admin posted that they were going to let threads go up to 60 replies, instead of the old 30.

I don't see many that go up that high. For the ones that have lots of replies I just skim them if I'm in a rush or bypass some altogether. It's nice though to see a topic discussed at length if people want to do that, in one thread.

PS: When threads got cut off at 30 replies I felt constrained in replying only once so I didn't use up the thread, but sometimes if there's a back and forth going or a topic you're really interested in or have a strong opinion about or experience with you want to reply several times. Now I feel better about doing that, like I'm not going to clog up anybody's thread. I hope.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2016 08:16PM by Nightingale.

I have no problem with threads going as long as they may. I can look at them quickly and decide on whether to read more or not. I too felt constrained when they stopped at 30 if I had more to add.

RB

The limit of 60 seems to work well. 30 was too short.

I agree. We seem to have almost entirely eliminated continuation threads as a result.

Agreed, Eric.

For the first time in a while, I feel shame. Interesting.

Don't worry, it'll pass.


Mr. Bennet


``Say nothing of that. Who would suffer but myself? It has been my own doing, and I ought to feel it.''

No, Lizzy, let me once in my life feel how much I have been to blame. I am not afraid of being overpowered by the impression. It will pass away soon enough.''

Please don't feel bad.

I don't think anybody is being singled out and nobody is saying it's a big hairy deal (are they?)

PS: I didn't mean to dismiss the legitimate concerns people have expressed by saying "not a big hairy deal". I do take the points.

However, I hear the point about people needing the interaction in an off-topic-ish kind of way and see posters engaging with each other on a different level that they need. It can be "therapeutic" to be OT sometimes but still interacting with exmos who know what you've been through. Eg: The recent post about "aging with dignity". On the face of it you may think that is OT but really it's about life after Mormonism, just as so many of our topics are. It's about making decisions and how to change one's path or plans now that life has changed so drastically post-mo. Even if not stated specifically, that is some of what I get out of topics such as that.

Sure, we should all be board-aware and practice some self restraint.

And there is ebb and flow here. We go through times like this and then things change back.

The pendulum swings. Indeed.

(However, I too respect Richard's focus, knowledge, information, opinion. I'm not trying to debate his take on it).

But.

I don't think individuals need to feel bad or apologize. If you were a problem other posters would let you know, or Admin, and even then try and keep it in perspective and don't let it put you off posting or awaken the nasty little shame bug within many of us. I agree with the viewpoint and will say again that banter and lightheartedness are an important part of 'recovery' for a lot of us.

To form connections is 'therapeutic'.

To laugh is to heal.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2016 08:42PM by Nightingale.

+10,000 Good points, all.

I said this a couple of weeks ago. It got ignored.

I accused this place of turning into a version of the

National Enquirer... I think thats the reason that not as

many people were posting here, plus the same old posts were

staying up longer than usual. It was boring. Hopefully for

the people who are thinking of leaving the church or have

just left, some balance may be restored to this place and they

can find what they need to see, to help them recover. Thats what

it's all about, Recovery from MOrmonism.

As a matter of fact, sometimes I feel guilty for being here at all, since I was never a mormon and my experiences with them took place many years ago. Most of my postings could even be considered *OT* just on account of that!

I keep thinking that the courteous thing for me to do would be to just kind of back out and leave RfM to you actual R-ing from M people... I've even done it a few times, but I always come back when I get to jonesing for some intelligent conversation!

Obviously I don't fit in here, but after 20+ years of farting around on the internet, I've finally come to realize that I really don't fit in anyplace!

So I don't know...

Doxi Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> As a matter of fact, sometimes I feel guilty for
> being here at all, since I was never a mormon and
> my experiences with them took place many years
> ago. Most of my postings could even be considered
> *OT* just on account of that!
>
> I keep thinking that the courteous thing for me to
> do would be to just kind of back out and leave RfM
> to you actual R-ing from M people... I've even
> done it a few times, but I always come back when I
> get to jonesing for some intelligent conversation!
>
>
> Obviously I don't fit in here, but after 20+ years
> of farting around on the internet, I've finally
> come to realize that I really don't fit in
> anyplace!
>
> So I don't know...

I know.... trust me. You always contribute intelligent and thoughtful ideas, you are needed here in the face of the onslaught of topics from Woo woo to the top stories in the
National Enquirer... Remember that historicaly plenty of our best posters
are those who have not ever been Mormons, like you, Nightengale and Shakjula as opposed to some who have never been mormons and yet try to hide that face.

I'm with saucie on this one too. I love your contributions, doxi, and nevermos are most welcome here. Please feel welcome to carry on!

I appreciate all the good laughs I get from saucie's posts too.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2016 01:44PM by Nightingale.

Doxi, please don't feel that a nevermo like you cannot post valuable insights and comments! My objection to so many OT posts was because of the *content* of the posts, not the status of the person posting. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear in my original post.

Richard- always been fond of that name; it was my father's name- you were quite clear, as always. Wish I could write as well as you and quite a few others... especially now that I'm retired... I have zillions of unfinished outlines and manuscripts, each one more abysmal than the rest!

I try to take one day at a time, but lately a whole bunch of days've been ganging up on me!

Doxi, you are loved here. Keep posting!

Thank you, all.
You have no idea how much I needed that today.

Having a not-so-pretty-good day here.

Doxi, please allow me to add my (off-topic? <grin>) thanks for your posts. There are some people's posts I *always* read, yours are at the top of that list.
As for your not so good day...

*internet hugs*

:)

I mean no offense to anyone by this, but when I posted here regularly along time ago, this was a common complaint.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2016 08:29PM by laurad.

so why hasn't the real question been asked?

Why are OT topics posted? It would seem to me it a symptom of another issue.....

I plead guilty...and i am truly sorry...and i will cease!!!

Perhaps i was incorrectly thinking at times that adding a little shared "humanity" of common-place activities/likes/interests to our online monikers might make us seem more like real people to those who've taken the leap to visit here.

I've often wondered sometimes though if we are perceived by ANY interested newcomer reaching out here as the stereotypical one-track herd mentality anti-mormon or ex-mormons who their leaders warn them about associating with.

I too Sir Richard Packham owe you a huge debt of gratitude for your absolutely wonderful online Home Page and the information you have provided me and others.

But as well i've also enjoyed your OT topics you offer on the same page. Since we haven't met personally...i feel those topics give me a little bit more insight into the total exceptional person and individual that you are...even as trivial as they may appear to be.

I realize there is a fine-line here on RFM with OT topics...and i may very well have crossed it occasionally and unintentionally.

And for that i sincerely apologize to the board-at-large for doing so...however infrequently it may have been.

Or so it seems to me...

I sort of agree with a percentage of OT posts (25-40%).

Most 'on topic Mormon' posts have been beat to death by most that are regulars. I get the feeling many members that have been here longer are 'recovering' by not posting on 'Mormon' posts ------ even when they are well prepared and presented.

I know there are some that are really good on 'anything Mormon' and it is great that resource exists here. I just am not sure of the 'demand'. Are we getting that many new people here or not and are they reviewing most 'Mormon posts'?

There are probably always some new people lurking in so maybe some 'great' old posts should be brought back by the Mods periodically for 'review' or to open again and let go to 100 if needed just to keep the percentage of 'on topic' threads over 50-75%.

Also, agree with the longer 60 post threads as there is some back and forth that could 'kill' the thread if shorter (30).

People don't have to read and/or respond to all threads! I certainly do not read everything and respond to fewer but everyone is different.

However, whatever is decided by the mods/others is ok with me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2016 12:19AM by spiritist.

I don't mind the OT's. If I don't want to read them I just don't.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2016 09:02PM by aquarius123.

All in favor, please manifest. *raises right arm to the square*

It appears the voting has been unanimous.

"The notes have been noted".

I agree, at times the OT threads tend to clog the board, especially when it looks like a sock puppet bumps them to the top.

I agree with Richard.

And for the love of god don't reverse the thread length policy; threads were getting closed left and right, and now 99% of them just run their course naturally, like at most forums.

Please.

I'm guessing it would be easy to make an OT subforum but if it's not feasible than don't do it. Some probably want it and some don't. I say Eric makes the decision; it's his forum.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2016 12:17AM by midwestanon.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2016 05:43AM by steve benson.

Benson's baaaaack! Welcome back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIPS4LyveJs

I don't necessarily agree that off-topic things are bad. The forum here is a large group of mostly like-minded people. We often have questions about something that is not directly on the topic of Mormonism or leaving it, but is a valid question that can be bounced off a group of people that we mostly trust. I don't know why that should be an issue unless the topics are persistently silly. For instance, have a lot of questions about brain tumors these days. If I ask someone else on RfM about their knowledge of brain tumors, is that a bad thing? On this board people at least respond. I can throw a question out to one of the many other boards specifically designed for the topic of brain tumors, and never-ever get a response.

Cludgie, if you have a question about brain tumors or anything else, by all means put it on the board. Everyone here has been helpful to me when I've needed assistance.

I don't mind O/T posts at all. It just seems like lately, half the board has been O/T. I just think the number of O/T posts needs to be dialed back.

Agree, Richard. I've made the same point, only I was immediately told to just ignore them. I think they're a waste of bandwith.

I mean, I don't care if you're looking to buy a new computer. Don't come to RfM asking what's the best one. There's plenty of other forums for that kinda thing.

If no one responds to a post, on or off topic. It quickly fades away.

Don't like O/T? Don't post on that thread...


But-bye, post!

As a Canadian, I reserve the right to make an OT post if the Toronto Maple Leafs make the playoffs, advance to another playoff round, and definitely post when we win the Stanley Cup.

Just saying...

Oh, also if I actually break 80 on my very tough usual course, or get a hole in one.

So that would be a rare occurrence then, 6 iron, if you wait for the Cup to post. :)

Of course, rooting for the Vancouver Canucks, I don't have much room to talk.

Now I've made an OT post on a thread asking for fewer OT posts. I do sincerely apologize but the hockey talk is irresistible.

I'm not concerned about a few off topic posts as they tend to give more insight into the individual poster. Get to see a different side of them, so to speak.
I'm quite capable of scrolling over any post I am not interested in.

I'm of the opinion that off topic posts are generally acceptable. When someone walks away from the mighty morg machine, they might have an off topic question such as:

what kind of underwear to wear now that garments are gone,
what is a good coffee to start with,
what should I do with my extra time,

However, that said, when I visit someone's house, I'm expected to abide by their rules and if they want me to leave my shoes at the door, I should do that. I've been guilty of participating in off topic posts, but I will repent now (kinda).

I can see both sides, but I'm a guest here and will bow my head and say "Yes".

sunbeep Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm of the opinion that off topic posts are
> generally acceptable. When someone walks away from
> the mighty morg machine, they might have an off
> topic question such as:
>
> what kind of underwear to wear now that garments
> are gone,
> what is a good coffee to start with,
> what should I do with my extra time,

Since those topics have to do with adjusting to being no longer Mormon, they are certainly not off topic.

I am probably pretty guilty about the off topic threads so I am sorry.

I have noticed that there has been a lot more off topic threads and I agree that we need to have some form of balance when it comes to the off-topic threads.

I can't speak for Richard but I think he means a certain type of off-topic posts. Like maybe really totally off-off-topic.

Asking about alcohol or coffee may seem OT but in reality it's pertinent to the exmo experience, in light of Mormonism's injunctions against both.

Talking about books and music can be therapeutic, a distraction, a healing moment perhaps, but is on-topic to me in that Mormonism takes up so much of one's thoughts and activities and time and perhaps their early life that after people get out they need some insights about how to survive. It's like entering an alien culture and needing to find one's way from the beginning.

I often say that Mormonism encompasses all of life, unlike other churches where people go for an hour on Sundays, if they want, and the rest of their time they conduct their own lives as they see fit, according to their own standards and choices. Therefore, there is not too much that is seriously OT.

I appreciate Richard's focus on the major topics of Mormonism and how much he helps people with their questions.

I still think that most posters here don't have to feel bad or worry about what they are posting.

But I've been known to be wrong. A lot. :)

Okay, I'm out.

I love your posts. You demonstrate the ability to find happiness despite what some might consider adverse circumstances. I love your strong spirit!

me too.

We are not making a radical change. I enjoy your posts getbusylivin.

Yes, GBL, your posts exude happiness and a great writing style! :)