So following on from my last post about promptings, it's got me musing about my old pre-LDS life. When I joined the church I literally went from one end of the spectrum to the other as far as morality, hedonism etc goes.

Does anyone else look back and wonder how life would've turned out without the church? I guess I'm talking more to converts. Have any of you been able to return to your old ways?

I was a wild child at 14, had no role models. Joined the church at 18. I will give credit for it keeping me out of trouble till I was older and able to make better decisions. But I think it did to some extent keep me locked into teens mindset. When I left final time at 56 I still had to learn for myself what my moral compass is without the church telling me.

My "old ways" were always moral, even outside of Mormonism--especially outside of Mormonism.

I never did believe it was OK to have sex with someone else's spouse. The Mormons were never able to convince me that polygamy was OK, either. I did my share of lying, when I was a Mormon, and I'm relieved to get back to being honest and genuine. Putting up a facade of perfection was exhausting.

Having sex without love or friendship is an emotional lie--it expresses nothing--it brings you nothing (except diseases.)

I have always obeyed the laws of the land, because life is easier that way. When I was a teen-aged driver, I speeded sometimes, and I would stay out after curfew. Now, as an adult, I have nothing to rebel against. Well, maybe I rebel against the evil cult.

I'm an athlete, so I have no desire to make myself sick with alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sugar, jell-o, funeral potatoes, lard, and other junk food. My own preferences! I'm allergic to wheat, so I don't have anyone making a big fuss about my not eating the sacrament bread. It was easy to go back to wearing pants and Victoria's Secret underwear.

My personal moral codes and boundaries come from my own observations and experiences, and not from Mormonism. Most people are probably too moral to be Mormons.

I have gone back to childhood, and seeing God in nature, and believing in a Creator of the Universe. Mormonism taught me what God is NOT. I have always liked the teachings of Jesus. I believe in unconditional love, but I don't believe in Mormon-style forgiveness.

This sifting out of the bad and the good can seem difficult, but keep at it. It does take time. Just don't swing too far the other way, because that is rebellion. If you rebel too much, that means that the cult is still controlling you. I didn't hurry to join another church or another group, because I didn't want them to influence my beliefs, either.

It can be fun to develop your own NEW set of beliefs and values, because now you are free to follow them--at last!

If my "old life" is judged by others to be "hedonistic", then I don't care! I am responsible for my career and children and possessions, my children are honest, kind, loving, and successful. We are good parents, good drivers, etc. Is it hedonistic to spend weekends playing?

You need to give up on those old Mormon judgments, and stop judging yourself. Relax, and let your true self rise above all the Mormon brainwashing.

You both raise some interesting points. By the church's standards I was probably an unconscionable reprobate. By the world's? Maybe a little less so.

Morality is a strange thing is it not? In my pre-church days I thought nothing of the occasional fling with married men. My morality in that (if I can call it morality) is that I've never, not once, kissed and told.

Life then was about pleasure, pleasure for pleasure's sake. Sex, drugs, the theatre. Teachers and actors alike were all fair game in those days. It is only sitting down now and looking back that I see how far I departed from who I was then. The pleasure has died.

I have a lot of thinking to do.