My friend is out on his mission in the states. I thought he wasn't a TBM when he left but he started saying stuff that led me to believe that he was becoming more indoctrinated. He just told me that he's very depressed, goes to bed as soon as he gets back to his apartment because he's had teenage kids throw rocks at him, tell him to shut up, etc. He said he doesn't understand why they are so against Jesus, to which I replied "They aren't, they're against Joseph Smith." (He's in the bible belt area)
Then he went off on a rant about how the church is true and the BOM is the foundation of LDS. I didn't say anything else at that point, just returned the conversation to everyday stuff but I feel like the veil is lifting. Thoughts???

Just let him know that you are there for him. Everything he says or writes to you is likely not private, so is very different from having a face-to-face, private conversation.

Your response to him was like more rocks being thrown at him. Too many people are already telling him what he "should" believe. If you want to be his friend, zip your lip when he is hurting and vulnerable.

I like your response that they aren't against Jesus, they are against Joseph Smith. No need to follow up or keep it going, but that is a good nugget to get some thought going. Besides, nothing wrong with stating the truth or offering your own point of view and letting it drop after was great style.

Talking to him about the day to day stuff is really important. It gives more support than you would imagine. You are a good friend.

Is he emailing you on a semi-regular basis? This is probably against the rules and he might get slapped down if he is using the corporate er missionary email system. Maybe he has a cell phone and is texting. How is this communication being done?

I totally agree that telling him everyday stuff is a breath of fresh air to him.

Before I left on my mission many of my friends couldnt even tell that I was mormon. Some knew of course but it wasnt something I routinely talked about and my behavior didnt always reflect it either.

Then I went on a mission and for that time my life became only church.
When I wrote or emailed those old friends, I talked about the church.

In my experience, I became so indoctrinated and filled with nonsense that I found it difficult to talk about anything but the church.

The bad news is, youre friend is very much depressed. He is learning to hate the church that is centering his current predicament. In addition to being depressed he is going to likely latch onto the church for awhile has the situation worsens.

The good news is, he is gonna be out of his mission eventually. And his settings will change. And he will start coming around to his old self again.

My advice is to be there for him throughout both of these phases. He is going through a nasty situation and he is gonna need some support.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2017 02:42PM by nonsequiter.

I was a pretty heavy doubter, got talked into going on a mission, and when I went, I decided to devote myself wholeheartedly to the cause and the church. So I probably sounded a lot like your friend.

It took me about a year into my mission before I finally figured out that no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't going to believe...and I stopped my gung-ho, facts be damned, be the best missionary you can be stuff. I finished out my time, came home, and left the church.

I suspect your friend might be in a similar position. It's easy to get convinced that your inactivity or doubts before leaving will all be swept away by the magical missionary spirit, and you go all in for it...only to have reality hit you in the face at some point.

I would suggest just being yourself in e-mails, don't pander to his attempt at zeal and faith, and do as you're already doing. Let reality him in the face, and be there to assure him it's OK when it does.