Did you ever walk away from fast & testimony meeting thinking, "wow, what a spiritual giant that person is. That was inspiring. I need to be more like them."

Me? Never, not once. But there HAD to be at least one, somewhere.

I heard a man who was at one time our stake president and I would go to the Saturday night part of SC just to hear his talk. He was on my "Love Council" trial years later. He had also helped me get elected to the state senate in 1978.

Well, I heard one that ended up being a WTF moment for many of us. I was a teenager. This was back in the 60's. A lady in the ward stood up and went on and on about how much she loved her husband and family. At the time, it was nothing that out of the ordinary except that she kinda went overboard on the praise.

Well..................a few months later, she ran off with her boss and they both divorced their respective spouses and married each other. He was an elected official in our small town and boy howdy, talk about scandal!!!!!

I and many others remembered that testimony and were kind of blown away.

She was probably trying to convince herself. Or trying to gaslight her husband to allay his fears that she was having an affair.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2016 05:27AM by matt.

It was never the actual *testimony* of the bearer that interested me. It was all about the cool stories--especially the miraculous and spooky ones.

I've heard several "interesting" testimonies. My favorites were -

- A guy in our ward who used to stand up every testimony meeting and tell about the "miracles" that he and his family (a boatload of kids) had experienced. My favorite was of the time he was on a family vacation and fell asleep at the wheel. His car went off of a cliff, and with the lord's intervention, it landed on a palm tree which gently bent down to lower the car back onto the road so they could continue on. Then one Sunday the whole family disappeared. My father, who was Bishop at the time, told me later that the guy refused to work and instead soaked welfare from the church/ward. After months of draining the ward funds, my father cut him off. So the guy left and moved on to scam another ward in the stake.

- One time a lady who nobody had ever seen before went up to the pulpit and started to describe her rape in detail. The Bishop jumped up there, put his arm around her, mentioned that they would talk about it later in private, and hustled her into a seat.

- Had a Stake Pres (a great guy) who was being groomed by the church for stardom. He was exceptionally good looking, a wealthy doctor, and was the youngest Stake Prez in the church. His wife was a granddaughter of a Prophet and he had future G.A. written all over him. When he spoke, members would be reduced to tears from "feeling the spirit". Not long after he was promoted to a Regional Rep, he was excommunicated. Turned out he had a secret life that included a seven year relationship with another dude.

- Went to a fireside to hear a G.A. speak. He was a fantastic, charismatic, spiritual speaker. His life experiences combined with his humbleness and powerful spirit touched everyone and moved many to tears. Everyone left having been "spiritually fed" from his wonderful testimony. That G.A.'s name.....Paul Dunn.

NO. I couldn't get past all the blubbering.

I don't think I've ever heard a Mormon "testimony" because, as far as I can tell, Mormons don't know what the word means.

"I know this church is true..." is a statement, not a testimony.

I know Joseph Smith is a true prophet of God..is a statement, not a testimony.

"I know blah, blah, blah...." a statement.

A testimony is when you explain HOW you know what you SAY you know.

And for the record, when you say you KNOW because of feelings you had, it is really more honest to say you Feel it is true.

And we all know how feelings lie.

And the prize goes to.....Gemini! I love that story :)

When my young-teen son stood up, and announced in a testimony meeting, My name is Jesus Christ, and I ....".

I've heard wonderful testimonies from only 1 man in our ward. He really had a gift with words, was not well educated, had 2 failed marriages, fell into a deep depression and had to depend on his mother for assistance as a grown man with children....

But as I say he had a gift....I loved to hear his voice mostly, the cadence, the tone, the gentleness, the true caring, the aloha spirit he was born with was so apparent...he was for real. Too bad the church was not.

I haven't thought of him for years....

Nope!

Mostly bragging...

All we ever heard were stories, wishes, thoughts, beliefs and desires (for tscc to be worth a shiFt).

There was this woman who would tearfully go on and on about how it just broke her heart to think about how great Joseph's sacrifice was and weep about how much he suffered and what a great price he paid to bring Heavenly Father's church back to the earth. Joseph, this poor innocent young boy who took on the world to restore the gospel. Then she would end by talking about how it was too much for her to even think about as contemplating the sorrow left her so weak and sad, but grateful. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen. Even as a TBM I just thought she was putting on a show to win the contest.

She was very hard to top.

The only truly sincere testimony I ever heard: A woman moved to our ward. Several times divorced, dyed black hair and thick mascara to match, about four kids each from a different husband. She was very sweet and became the cub scout leader. One time she stood in church during testimony meeting and began by saying she really wanted to "believe" that Joseph was a prophet and the church was true and hoped to "know" like every else did someday. Well, you could hear a collective drawing in of breath from the congregation that could have pulled a sailboat back to shore from roughest seas. Saying "believe" instead of "know" simply wasn't done. Poor thing didn't know the rules to the game. I was so embarrassed for her and I was only ten. I knew the rules to the game by then.

Sure, a few times. But I've heard other great fictional tales, too.

When I was at my most brain-washed, they all sounded good. Instead of seeing the tiniest little kids as morgbots I used to think how adorable they all were, and that they were in Jesus' care, same as the rest of us.

It was after I left for awhile, and then returned it started to appear more contrived. The older I got, the more contrived it became. My dad and stepmom hated the blubbering that went on in F&T mtgs, which is why my stepmom never went to any of them. My dad was only too happy to oblige her. :)

The majority of testimonies follow the "formula." From the youngest ages to the oldest, they all sound pretty identical. Nothing new there. Same old, same old. That is part and parcel of the brainwashing inherent in being a Mormon. Learn the mantras. Repeat after me: I know the blah blah blah blah blah.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2016 11:17AM by Amyjo.

Once or twice.

I do remember an elderly gentleman that bore a simple plain testimony with true feeling. Almost everyone was either in tears or close to it.

Don't remember what he said. It was short. I thought that is what a testimony should be.

That was almost 40 years ago. Never felt or heard the like again.

I never heard a 'valid' testimony of the church. Where 'spirit or anything supernatural' validated the church, JS, etc. etc. were 'true'.

One person I met (that had numerous experiences) claimed that and I had a 20 minute discussion with him (very long because he was on high counsel) to discuss it thoroughly. In the end, I believe it was clear what 'spirit' told him and it was not what he claimed ----- he 'assumed' too much. Spirit doesn't lie.

However, I personally and a few others did give 'spirit experiences' where life was protected, pain/fear was removed, or information was obtained.

These type of 'experiences' have nothing to do with any specific religion/belief system other than the person relating the 'experience' was at least 'open' to it enough to recognize and remember it. I am still remembering, many years after, some experiences where I 'knew' information and used it to my betterment but never worried about what it was (intuition, spirit, etc.).

I always heard really good testimonies from lots of people in my ward growing up. At least they thought in their own minds they were great. Me not so much. Tho only person who stands out though was the one elderly man who when he stood up to bear his testimony you could almost hear an audible gasp from the whole room. If it was at the first he would use up all the time. If it was at the end you knew you were going to be there for another 30 minutes at least. Every month we were given an update on his garden (in the summer) his grown kids and how he missed his dear sweet wife. I think he was very lonely and did not have anyone to talk to during the week. I think this was why none of the bishops over the years never stopped him from going on and on and on. It was shortly after he passed away we were instructed to keep testimonies short, sweet and to the point. No more rambling on about un-related topics.

I remember the best testimony ever.

We had a bishop that would call people to the stand if there sas a lull in the action.

One day he called an older man I was sitting next to. The man had dozed off.

I shook him gently and pointed to the pulpit.

He got up. Wiping the sleep from an eye. Went to the pulpit and promptly gave a closing prayer.

We all got up and bolted for the exits before the stunned bishop could regain control.

Tough post to follow, here goes, one cute (probably just an anecdote), the other I can vouch for:

1) A Baptist pastor called on a deacon for opening prayer. The deacon replied, "Reverend, I haven't had a quiet time in two months, I've been calling in sick at work when I just wanted a day off, and I've been arguing with my wife all week. I don't think I'm in the right spiritual state to pray for the church service." (I told that to my pastor. He laughed, but now he always talks to people before hand about their participation.)

2) Christian Scientists have "Wednesday Evening (testimony) Meetings, where they are encouraged to share healings obtained by CS "treatment." There was a Sunday School teacher I respected greatly, who had remarkable healing testimonies. The best was when his WWII tank was hit by a shell, and he was rendered blind by the blast. In a hospital, he had people read the Bible to him, and his sight came back!

First, I later learned that blindness can from a concussion may be temporary--the condition may have been self-healing. But(second) it gets better: he later dumped his wife for a younger woman. The abandoned spouse delighted in telling everybody that he made up his testimonies, just to impress us!

Unintentionally funny, blubbering, fantastical, delusional, frantic, by rote, by coercion, by coaching, yes. Good, no.

Yes, by Paul H. Dunn.

A member revealed during testimony meeting that the resurrected Joseph Smith was present at the setting apart of the first president of our stake.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/01/2017 02:03PM by idleswell.

I'd like to say I had, but I could never hear anything over the wailing of babies :-(

3 years investigating
baptised 16th Dec 2016 changed mind 18th Dec
took up smoking 23rd Dec, and haven't been to church since.

Noisiest church EVER and that includes the Kadena ward in Okinawa, Seoul Korea, and the Wiesbaden ward in Germany

My favorite was the old dude who got up and said AIDS was god's curse on the 'homosexuals' for their sinful ways.

This was an old man- mid 80's I'd say- but not senile. I think I was 12 or 13 at the time. My mom remarked that older people probably got away with saying stuff like that because they were, well, homophobes and bigots and probably still thought that black people shouldn't have the priesthood. She was also apparently nostalgic for the fact that her father, my grandpa, apparently had once given a similar sounding testimony in his own Ward. Oh well, birds of a feather. Not a great or a good testimony. I just remember it being a... Shockingly mean-spirited one, and something I hadn't heard much of at my tender age.

Only a handful of times. The reason why is because Mormonism is very superficial and repetitive. To break that cast is very difficult to do.

A college student in our ward won the prize for blubbering. He would get up almost every month, and my friends and I would brace ourselves, and see if we could get through it without laughing.

It's always 100 times harder not to snicker or snort--when you are not supposed to laugh, because something is supposed to be serious.

One Sunday, all of us girls were sitting on the stand, to sing. The guy gets up and says what a sinner he is, and then starts sobbing. I relax my stomach muscles and exhale slowly, which helps stops the laughter spasms. I'm an expert at stifling. My friend, however, was not as experienced, and she tried to bottle everything up, and hold her breath--until everything exploded with a KKKKKHEHEHEHEHE. After that, we couldn't breathe, and tears were streaming down our faces. We couldn't leave, because we were on the stand.

A while later, I saw him smoking a pipe on the escalator at Macy's. A "sin" hardly worth blubbering about.

The best I've heard was in the last year. Chris Garcia, one of the pastoral team members of the UU church here, spoke of his father, who had just passed away from cancer. Chris spoke of his father's heroic efforts to make his final days meaningful and happy. He talked about his dad's bucket list, mentioning that he also "had a list that SOUNDS like 'bucket list,' but begins with an F," hazardous things that he had always wanted to do, and now did, because there were no longer any consequences. He bore a firm testimony about making our lives meaningful and happy. We were all in tears. This likely would not have happened in Mormondom.

Also, just FYI, the minister used the term "bullshit" during her sermon last Sunday. A guest speaker a few months ago managed to work the word "penis" into her sermon. It's ever so less boring than sacrament meeting.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2017 07:27AM by cludgie.

There was a woman in our ward who used to get up just about every month to bear her "tearfulmony". She would tell about the latest troubles she was having and would ask everyone for their thoughts and prayers. So this one time, she gets up and was asking for everybodys'prayers because her son was in drug rehab. Then she said: "I just love the ....family and their son is also in drug rehab with my son and they will also need your prayers." You could have knocked everyone over with a feather. The poor family got up and left in a hurry.
There are 2 talks that will always stand out in my mind. The first one was given by a man who was,IMO very smart. He liked to collect masks from all over the world, so he brought several of them to display while he gave his talk. He proceeded to say how all of us are actors, and depending on what situation we're in, have several masks that we wear and walls that go up. He was spot on. The most memorable had to be the time when this family that was assigned to speak brought some never to be forgotten displays. The dad got up,reached for some things under the podium and held up a couple of rifles and guns! Don't remember what the topic was supposed to be, but boy howdy! He demonstrated proper care of the guns. The next Sunday, the bishop got up and announced that there would be no more displays during a talk.