I'm in my early 30s and am scared to withdraw my name.

I've been pretending that history doesn't matter, strangeness doesn't matter, only community matters.

My community has been mormon my entire life.

Reached the point where the dissonance each Sunday has been making me feel strange both mentally and physically. I am losing it a bit.

Need to make the break, but I almost wish I could keep pretending the fantastical stories were all real.

Are these feelings normal? Will life go on?

Once you take baby steps out, and get further and further away, the more normal you'll feel. Life won't just go on, it will be more liberating and more joyful than you can imagine it to be.

Edit to add: You will be amazed at the peace you find when you stop forcing yourself to believe things you know not to be true.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2017 04:30PM by Devoted Exmo.

It might be a good idea to withdraw gradually. Perhaps attend once or twice a month for a year or so, then, stop going altogether.

There's no need to formally resign until you feel the need. Start now to make friends of non-mormons. Join clubs, take classes, start reaching out to neighbors or co-workers to see if you have anything in common. Invite a nonmo to go out for coffee or a lunchtime stroll. Expand your associations so it won't be such a shock if your TBM "friends" turn their backs.

I agree with Cheryl. It's not necessary to pull the plug completely. Just step back. Attend church less frequently, just go for sacrament meeting, and/or resign from your calling. Or go inactive for a while. Don't feel like you need to resign right now.

I am a nevermo (never a Mormon,) although I have and have had Mormon friends. One of my purposes in posting on this board is to let people like you know that you are welcome among the nevermo community. Invite a nevermo out for lunch or a movie matinee. We don't bite, and we are not out to change you. Come as you are!

There are also exmo meetups where you can commiserate with people who are questioning the church, are on the way out, or who are already out. Keep an eye on this board for postings. Or, if you can give your location, someone will let you know.

Keep posting. We are here for you. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2017 05:38PM by summer.

Ditto what others have said. Go slowly and find your own core values and beliefs. Don't do anything that's too extreme.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2017 08:06PM by BYU Boner.

You are paying attention to what I call: RED FLAGS! Your ability to sort out nonsense from reality is hitting a peak.

Do an experiment.
Stop reading anything from the LDS Church.
Stop attending any meetings.
Stop doing any "calling".
Also, get involved in your community, doing different things that take up those time frames. Take classes, join a club, meet new people, go the gym, anything that enriches you. Those will broaden your horizons quickly.
Then see how different you feel.

Some resign their membership, some never do. It's totally up to you.

Hang in there. Lots of folks here care!

scaredlittlebaby, move away. And when you do, don't choose AZ, WY, ID, or CO (if you are from UT). You can do that after you resign, or you can move away first and then submit your letter of resignation.

And when you submit your letter of resignation, be blunt about it, but also be respectful. Add that you do not want to be contacted by your bishop or stake president and that they honor your request. And don't forget to tell them you'd like that waiver thing where you can wait 30 days to reconsider.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2017 08:04PM by canary21.

I gradually stepped away. I was not in a position to move from the ward I'd lived in for years. I had children in Jr. High and High school. I had just gone through a painful divorce and those kids needed as much stability as possible.

Mentally, I was out. I still went to SM with the kids, but when they went to their classes, I went home. I didn't accept any callings. I stopped paying tithing.

When an employment opportunity for transfer presented itself, I jumped at the chance. The kids were in college by then. Months after getting settled in my new place, I resigned.

Best thing I ever did!

There are lots of exmormon groups around. We can be a support to you in any way you need.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/18/2017 08:56PM by gemini.

Know your age range but not the status of significant other, children and extended family. Some basics:
1. Stop paying tithing
2. Gradually withdrawal unless your employment hinges on active participation- say SM only then after a period of time stop altogether.
3. If you have an inactive relative or friend spend time together. Seeking non-LDS human interaction is pivotal.
4. Find a service project that serves all mankind- I use the local food bank. There are others...

Gatorman
9-4
14-3 and currently in a heated battle

Sleeping late on Sunday and having coffee with your leisurely made breakfast / brunch while still in your jammies, is the best feeling ever.

Try it...

Community.

That seems to be what John Dehlin is all about.

Leaving the cult, and how and when you choose to leave, is all about following your heart.

I like the suggestion to take things slowly.

I would "feel it out." I don't know what your ward is like, or if you are in a dominantly Mormon neighborhood, or if your family is entirely TBM. These factors have a bearing on how you will choose to behave. Our ward and neighborhood were extreme in their fanaticism, gossip, and harassment. I wanted to quietly slip away, with my children, but for us, that did not work. When I quit my calling--I hadn't had a break for 30 years--for health reasons, the ward members were so nasty, and threatening, that I took my children and ran! In our case, we had to formally resign, in order to stop the Mormons' constant calling and knocking on our door. I didn't want my children to be abused.

If your ward is mellow, and they seem fine with you taking a break from your callings, that would be a good place to begin. Think of it this way--there are Mormons everywhere who go away on trips, sabbatical leave, job transfers, college. Some older people in our ward live in St. George all winter. Don't allow the Mormons to treat you with disrespect, if you need to take a break!

Don't try to explain anything. The more I explained my illness, the more the Mormons argued with me, and used my illness as leverage. You can do whatever you want, with a smile, in friendship and politeness--but do not show weakness.

"Callings" are designed to keep members locked into the church. If you don't have a calling, you are as good as free!

I give my Mormon friends the "6-week challenge." Stay away from church for 6 weeks--all of the meetings and activities. Just live your life. The Sunday breakfasts in your pajamas is a great idea! Relax, and don't force any decisions, one way or another. Keep a diary. At the end of the 6 weeks, reflect on how your life has been, and, especially, evaluate any change in these three things:

1. Are you happier?

2. How do you feel about yourself (your self-esteem)?

3. Are you more relaxed, more mellow at work, more productive--or are you lonely and anxious?

4. How do you feel about others? Are you more loving? Are you less judgmental?

5. Do you feel more integrated? Do you know your true feelings, now?

You are lucky that you have an opportunity to try something out, before jumping in with both feet. Volunteer in the schools or the community. Try other churches! I've discovered that all of them were more uplifting and welcoming than the Mormon church, but that's just me. Remember that the Mormons have no authority from God. They can't tell God what to do. Giving up the Mormon cult is not the same as giving up God and Christ.

You will have a very positive, and a very growth-inspiring experience. My children are so happy to be free of all that stuff.

now when you attend mormon meetings you will notice the weirdness.