I don't believe in a damn thing about the church, but what is the essence of what the church is made of really? It may not seem like hope but fear, but hope is what binds the church together, for the most part, even if expressed negatively.

Can we be married with this hope without the church? What I am asking is that, theoretically, what if someone were married with the hope of eternity in the church but still thought that it was somewhat of a false hope? I mean, then you can still hope to be involved with someone in a way that kind of propentiates your feelings to a higher level. I just want a hopeful marriage. I want the depth of feeling.

And at a theoretical level, can we somehow live a good life and be reconciled in the end with our accomplishments without guilt? What would be a decent vehicle for that? I mean, the BoM isn't true, but the metaphorical aspect of reconciling yourself before death always rang true to me. One that propels the feeling of your soul, as you die, into a state of hope and bliss. Maybe it's just a feeling that I get in general out of life and the things I go through, but I have a general desire to be reconciled to some kind of universal force at the very least before I die. I have a need for structure. I feel like it would be so easy to just reconcile myself with myself only, but I have a desperate need to feel connected by some kind of hope between those closest to me that is positive and I can't do that without the church, because my parents won't give it up.

Do you understand the complexity of these feelings? I myself feel these really deep emotions that need to be healthily expressed. I just wish that some kind of organization could exist that isn't a church that has these same kind of hopes, if for the sake of only hoping and nothing else, based on no other true logic whatsoever except for theoretical and philosophical rhetoric. Why can't some kind of BENIGN organization out there exist that has these kinds of forums that exist so people can come together and reason these things out? Am I supposed to make one? I certainly have the desire to make one suited to myself. I have felt the deepest anguish since coming to terms with my unbelief and I wouldn't have even considered it if it weren't for what I know my parents feel. Does that make sense? I mean, the church only exists today because of hopeful mothers and fathers that needed some kind of reassurance and were afraid of death, so we have them to blame for the Mormon church really. The church took hold of people's desires along the lines of what I discussed and exploited them into a super-cult nightmare that you see. Do you understand possibly why the church is so cultish? If we had a healthier way to express ourselves or at least a different but similar way of hoping for positive things, the Mormon church would be unneeded or at least it never would have gotten to the crazy state it's in.

Your sentiments sound very New Age to me. That will be a dead end as well, because it is all self-focused. What is true and what works is knowing Jesus the Christ on a personal level. It can happen, but not on your terms. Seek him with everything you have and you will not be disappointed.

Recently a former missionary recounted how he returned to Denmark after leaving the church and he mentioned he learned from them how to live a happy secular life.

Here's my two cents from one who paid big bucks for years for a plastic card that some men told me meant I could have my family in heaven, and that would mean happiness.

You now know that's not true and what you're asking how to deal with your inner desire for a deeper, more meaningful life than what is before your nose in Western society. I differ with the previous poster, in that I hung on to the idea of a personal relationship with a living Jesus Christ as the ultimate, but in time I came to realize that the idea of a living Jesus paying for my sins with his life was not only improbable, but downright ghoulish (a benevolent god wants a human sacrifice, moreover, his own son?)

For me, New Age is not about the self at all--quite the opposite, it is about coming to grips with reality without an imaginary friend or super-being who keeps reassuring you as you confess, confess, confess your worthiness. It is about recognizing the awesome deliciousness of life's complexity, the testimony of every living thing to a powerful creative force which we are a part of...which we influence with our thoughts...a creation in which everyone is truly equal and nobody has to pay a dime to be "ok".

We all know that if nobody makes any money, there is no advertising. So there are no missionaries for a life of quiet personal spirituality. No one will recruit you, it is something you must seek yourself because it will be unique to you. No band of merry doctrine-followers to agree that your group of beliefs is better than their groups of beliefs, just you and...the ocean. You and the sky. You and the Being that is your Soul finally noticing that you are watching your thoughts parade through your head like crazy monkeys.

Did you know there are two of you in there? And one of them isn't really you at all. Your Soul is the one judging, the one who says, "Where did that thought come from." Ironically, once you realize that, you can never unrealize it. There is no studying great tomes of wisdom (although you can if you want). Once you begin to recognize and discard the illusions that have blinded you, you begin to awaken. To be awake is to have joy in knowing reality and fully living/enjoying/experiencing every moment in the present.

There--that's it. That's the sum of what all the Great Masters taught, that the point is to open yourself up to a new way of being in the world that is not about doing, but about being your highest self. And that highest self can go on.

Do you think that Jesus would approve of what has happened to the Kingdom of God which he said was "within"? If he wanted to be thought of as living, why did he say "Do this in remembrance of me". Because he is GONE.

We don't really know what Jesus said because we are so brainwashed about the interpretation. For starters, read Deepok Chopra "The Third Christ." But most importantly, spend lots of time in nature and question everything you've ever been taught. Millions of people are awaking every day.

What helped me was Eckhart Tolle's book "Silence Speaks." It starts with this: "You may not need to read this book. You may need only to hold it to be reminded of what you already know." That deep well of spirituality that is within you will come out naturally as you free yourself to be in the world (nature) and open yourself to experiencing everything without fear of demons or being "lead astray" or any of the fearmongering promulgated by organized religion.

You are simply on the path you were always meant to travel--a PERSONAL PATH. You just got sidetracked by organized religion, which is a lot like organized crime.

Good luck, friend.