Me and my TBM cousin who lives in Utah used to be best friends and now he won't talk to me anymore. I recently tagged him in a really nice post on Instagram and he followed me and then all of a sudden a couple minutes later he unfollowed me and he hasn't talked to me in a couple months and I miss the amazing times that we had together at the beach and now he's just being ignorant and acting like I don't exist and it doesn't make any sense and it's just so unfair. I know he's going on a mission right after highschool, I just don't understand because most of the Mormon friends in my life that I have had left me for good. And my non-Mormon friends treat me like gold. I just wish I could get him back-I miss our friendship so badly. beinfo around Mormons makes me feel like life is not meant to be lives unless you are perfection like "Cinderelly Cinderelly cinderelly!! Uugghhhhhhh! ):
-thanks guys (:-



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2017 03:48PM by sunbitch.

It's super-important to unplug from how others respond to you. Your opinion of yourself should have nothing to do with what others think or why they think what they do. They have a right to shun you. They have a right to be assholes. They have a right to be wrong. Whether they're Mormons or not is immaterial.

The real question is: what kind of a person are you? Are you kind to strangers and to those less fortunate? Are you honest? Are you polite? Do you live within your means? If an elderly person or pregnant woman gets on the bus, do you stand up and offer her your seat? Do you treat children and animals gently? When you receive something from someone, do you sincerely thank them? When someone does something awesome, do you praise them?

It's YOUR actions that matter, not theirs. Don't let their criticisms (or flattery) go to your head. Counsel yourself.

Trust me on this: people who would "shun" you as soon as you don't believe *exactly* like they do aren't people you want in your life.

It's your cousin's loss. The church indoctrination and peer pressure got him. Maybe someday he'll snap out of it, realize what an ass he's been, and ask for your forgiveness. That might even happen on his mission. :)

It must hurt the most to lose someone you shared deeply felt moments with. Now you find out what it's like to grieve the loss of a loved one, while they're yet living!

It is painful to deal with. It sounds like you're the more sensitive one of the two, or the cousin wouldn't be doing this.

Maybe when he matures more he'll come to see how wrong he is. Either that, or he'll get more stuck in the rut he's in.

Be extra gentle and kind with yourself. You've done nothing wrong. All you've done is to separate from a religion that totally brainwashes its members into the same cookie mold. You made a conscious choice you didn't want to fit inside that mold, and as hard as it is to break free from all that conformity, you're taking a step forward into time with all the uncertainty life brings. That takes a great deal of courage.

Be happy despite circumstances. Happiness seems to be the best revenge when dealing with avenging Mormons. They don't want you to be happy, because it flies in the face of everything they're taught to believe about "apostates." Only you aren't an apostate when you leave on your terms. You are freer than your cousin - who is still hog tied, even though he can't see it now.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It must feel terrible.

Life is a lot richer when you have many different types of friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. I work for an urban school system and it's exposed me to a lot of people whom I probably would not have met otherwise. And I am the richer for it. I always tell my students, what a boring planet this would be if everyone were *just like us.* And yet, that it what some people insist on.

When your cousin goes off on his mission, I would send him a warm note wising him a pleasant experience. Take the high road. Demonstrate to him what a kind, inclusive, tolerant person acts like. At some point down the road, he may remember that.

That is really painful and I'm sorry. We always hope that our loved ones will love us no matter what. I like what summer said- Take the high road. But I'm sure the pain is real nevertheless.

They think they might force you to return to church if they back off and show you that you need them and the church to survive.

He might return to being your friend after his mission and after he has some time to mature.

For now, he doesn't want to talk to anyone who might dampen his testimony or who needs to learn a hard lesson through shunning.

Damaging the friendship hurts him more than it does you. I hope your other friends will help fill in the void a bit. Good luck.

A lot of us have been shunned by Mormon former-friends, former-loved ones, and even by TBM family members. We have survived. Snarkiness won't kill you.

When we left the cult, my in-laws disinherited my husband and me and our children (their own grandchildren.) Yes, it hurts! It makes you cry a lot.

It has nothing to do with you. This is just Mormon Standard Operating Procedure. When we resigned, we were active volunteers in the community schools, and we started attending another Christian church. We were good citizens. We didn't rebel, either. I think this is important, right when you first leave, to not openly rebel, or loudly criticize. This is part of "taking the high road."

It has been almost 10 years, and when we added up all our Mormon experiences before and after leaving, over time, we became more and more convinced that we didn't want to be around people who didn't like us. Now, the shunning is reversed. If we're invited to a Mormon wedding, for example, we mail a gift and a nice card, that they can read--but we don't make ourselves go there. We feel uncomfortable, knowing how the Mormons feel about apostates.

In the last 10 years, almost half of my cousins (on one side of the family) have left the cult, and MOST of their children are not being raised as Mormons. Once again, we are close, and we have fun at reunions.

Hang in there. Change is inevitable.

Please don't take this personally. I know--that's what everyone says--but I mean it. It is them, not you.

Sunb, I know it hurts, but want to affirm that missing him and hurting about it can and will get better. It's totally okay to cry and to miss him.

I would like to ask you though, if you had known how cold and cruel he could be, would you have become so close to him? Sometimes we see that sort of behavior beforehand, sometimes not, but I'd like to offer you this -

This ex-friend has left you with a gift of wisdom that you now can always have with you:

If you like someone, and then see him or her treating others in a way that you would not appreciate being treated, it is time to back away from that person, no matter if you think that person would never "do that" to you. How that person behaves is about his or her needs, not about others, and not about you.

This person has taught you about a$$holes, up close and personal. As you grow, learn about and experience life, someday, you can find that learning about a$$holes early in life has helped you to make more healthy decisions for yourself.

It is good to remember, but not dwell in, the pain that knowing this person has left behind. Some of the most valuable lessons in life can be painful, but rewarding.

I wish you healing thoughts. Safe hugs to you.

Our whole family went inactive last September, and in a few weeks everybody in the ward knew about it. The nasty Mormons threatened and harassed us, and the less-nasty ones shunned us. We had to officially resign, in order to make them leave us and our children alone. It was an upsetting experience, but it made us all the more sure that we no longer wanted to be part of this hate cult. We already knew we couldn't follow JS.

We cried, at the loss of the Mormon friends and neighbors with whom we had shared our life. Our children grew up together. We cared about them, and we thought they cared about us. Suddenly, they stared past us and walked the other way, and treated us like we didn't exist, when they saw us. We started shopping and hanging out in different neighborhoods, different stores, so we wouldn't get our feelings hurt all the time.

When our first ex-Mormon Christmas came around, we were afraid we would miss the Mormon parties, and the gifts of baked goods on our doorstep--but we didn't at all! We concentrated on giving, instead of getting. We did some community service with the "coalition" of Christian churches in our neighborhood. We worked on "Sub for Santa" with the people at my work.

We went to another party, on the same night as the ward party, and celebrated not having to be in the ward gym, with people we felt awkward around.

We skied on the Sundays and holidays, went to The Nutcracker, rented a cabin and went snow shoeing as a family, saw Zoo Lights (instead of temple square) went to the luminary at the cemetery and put wreaths on my parents' graves, had two gingerbread-house-making parties (one for the girls, and cabins-n-the-woods for the little boys. A Christmas open house for all our non- and ex-Mormon friends and relatives, who accept us as we are. No church service on Christmas Day, and we spent the day in our new pajamas, eating Hickory Farms, and lovely treats that people brought us.

This is the truth--we had more treats than we had ever gotten before! Maybe it was because we did all that volunteer work, and that we gave those parties. We also had more Christmas cards to display.

Mormon shunning is a mind game! They want you to feel sad, left out, and unpopular. Actually, it's reversed, because the majority of the population are not Mormons, and think Mormons are very weird! While the Mormons are busy alienating people, you can be out there making friends wit lots of really nice people.

What turned it all around for me, was something I read in a paper about psychopaths:

"Stop asking yourself, 'Do they like me?'
Ask yourself, 'Do I like them?'"

An excellent and appropriate response to leaving TSCC.

One of my grandmothers was a never Mo in the Morridor, who made a quality life for herself, surrounded by friends and family, right up to the end.

She lived well and on her terms, and was at peace with all who knew her. Knowing her as well as I did makes me realize it's very possible to live well as an ex-Mo or never-Mo even when you're in the thicket of them.

Mormonism hurts/ harms by loving = pushing others away. Ironic, no? Conditional. God [and dog] is UNCONDITIONAL. No comparison. Be with those who treat you like top dog. Not the plague.

For Every Action, There Is A Reaction. Mormons are taught to act through inactivity with ("non)saints".

Be with those who treat you like gold, not mold (Mormons of later days). You'll get over their ignorance and pride, and delusions.

"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." --Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Your cousin is not as smart and caring as you thought. It's his loss because you are the smarter braver one with a better future.