It is a long and silly story but it ended in MIL and SIL telling my TBM husband that I am abusive since towards him as I abuse his heart and religion....when they know no details of our relationship. They only found out I am no longer a member maybe 1 year ago. I have been out for 5 years lol. Point is they have unfairly judged me, they have accused me of being abusive which i find extremely offensive all because i do not believe in the mormon relgion. Would you even bother maintaining a relationship?

Wow. That's a startling lack of detail on which to advise someone.

Do you love him?
Does he love you?
How long have you been married?
Are children involved?
Why are your inlaws free to speak to your marital affairs, and why do you feel compelled to give their words such weight?
What is "your" side of the family like; are they supportive of you; likewise involved in your marriage?

What are your options in leaving?

Do you know what "gaslighting" is?

No idea what gaslighting is.

MIL has been repeatedly pushy to me about religion and tried to be more involved in marriage than she ought to be. I have already told her so amd tried to set boundaries. TBM is very active as is his mother and sister. Yes I love him and there are children.

My ex MIL said the same thing to me.
She had not stepped in a church in 30+ years when she found out I walked away from Mormonism. She had no clue who her son was and how he was really a "Jack Mormon" and lived his LDS life on his convenience and social connections in the community.

Yet when left the church, he whined and complained about how life was hard since I left the church.

When a "good" LDS man's wife leaves the church, it makes him stick out like a sore thumb. It ruins the illusion.

So MIL invited me over to her house and told me how disappointed she was in me, how stressed out her son was, etc.

I looked at her and said "Maybe you should know some other facts like how the church abuses women and how your son hits me sometimes when Im not good enough".

Shut her up for a minute, but then said "He must have been really stressed out to do that".

I told her there was no excuse to hit anyone unless in self defense and left her house.

After the ex and I split, I did keep some connection with her for the sake of the kids, but after an incident where she defended her son (my ex) during an incident where my ex and adult son had an argument. I cut ties permanently and its been very freeing.

There is no point trying to be amicable with a toxic person, especially not a narcissistic Mother who sees that her son can do no wrong. In the end, those kinds of people end up with no one in their lives and ruminate in their own delusions of grandeur.

RMM

>>"...it ended in MIL and SIL telling my TBM husband that I am abusive..."

They said that to your husband, not you. Did he stick up for you? Tell either one of them to MYOB? I would tell your husband to take care of it and not bother you with it.

summer Wrote:
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Did he stick up for you?


That's my #1 question. What does he have to say about it?

He semi stood up for me. His sister said he talked to their mom and it must be so hard when someone is bringing you down all the time and he said I'm a good person and it isn't all the time just when religion comes up. Which isn't even true. Yes we disagree and yes we don't believe the same things but we don't talk about religion at home anymore and it's been like that for a long time now.

The irony of it all is my husband is emotionally abusive. I put my foot down after this incident and said if he wants this marriage to work he needs to seek counselling to work on all his built up resentment for me leaving the church. He told me he could care less if i jumped off a bridge. He has since said he wants to work on our marriage and i am waiting for him to start counselling. In the meantime i have no desire to maintain a relationship with his mother. She has crossed boundaries too many times and spreadig rumours without knowing the facts and ruining my relationships with others in the family is not something i can handle. I will be civil yes but that is it. I want to know peoples opinions.

I always advise that in-laws should be treated like anyone else. If there is behavior that you would not tolerate from anyone else, don't put up with it from in-laws. Putting up with bad behavior from anyone encourages bad behavior. It also communicates to the person that you are afraid to cross them, perhaps due to fear of damaging the primary relationship with your spouse. If the primary relationship with the spouse is so fragile that one thinks that the relationship would fall if in-law behavior is addressed, then that relationship may not be worth saving.

From your additional points, it sounds like you have challenges with your relationship with your spouse as well. Concentrate on those issues. I think that getting counseling is a good idea.

I am glad to hear that your husband has agreed to counseling. My question is this. Will he be seeing a church therapist. LDS family services really sucks bad and from my experience, do not keep confidences but sometimes 'leak' information to bishops. Also, since you are out of the church, chances are high that they will not improve your relationship with your husband.

Regardless, you may want to start lining up your ducks. Do not move out of the home if this turns South. Get copies of all your financials, find a lawyer, etc..

I would not engage further with your MIL. She is poison and is doing her best to break up your marriage. Your DH is going to have face the beast, grow a pair and be serious about working on your marriage. See a counselor yourself. Hold steady, stay focused, be strong and define and hold your boundaries.