Better than double death, I guess. I only know one and not the other. The beloved though, I hear, can quite well hide inside the self, I see. Maybe that's just me.
Try Rumi? Kahlil Jibran? Alan Watts? Swami Bhaktivedanta Srila Prabhupada? Krisnamurti? Libraries? RFM? Oops.lol Gaggle? Meditation? Podcast Addict, or the like?
No that doesn't really help. Looking for people chatting about insights. 3rd podcast "specialiss" about to gag. Married people giving advise on dating. Huh. Current one is 2 pastors chatting and seem to always get off topic. 1st one was a guy on a 15 Yr mission to pool every dating guru in and has every topic imaginable on dating , sex and relationships. Of any kind! It's to much. Just start with basics. Let me work my way through the mess.
Sit in front of the TV with a good Turner Classics old movie, and eat a "take-out" or "TV" dinner. My dinner tonight will be a can of chicken-noodle soup and crackers.
Some of those old movies are really entertaining. Me dear daughter-in-law is good at finding stuff on the TV, and now I get to watch "I Love Lucy" old shows. Now, these are still funny as can be (and takes your mind off yourself).
Join a group with people of same interests (politics, coffee shops, or whatever).