Heads up, I know this will sound pathetic and ridiculous and I'm so sorry. I know I'm being unreasonable and embarrassingly extreme and I'm just trying to find out what's broken and how to fix it.

So, I'm really obsessed with a particular fandom. Like...probably unhealthily obsessed. It's become my biggest way of escape in life.

A few days ago, one of my favorite characters died in the animated TV show in this fandom and I completely lost it. I watched the death scene over and over and only slept like 4 hours that night and then I went online and posted about it on Reddit for hours and hours on Saturday. I was so devastated that I made myself feel sick to my stomach and I couldn't function during the day, even thought it was a fun outing with my family. I was completely dead inside and just felt like crying. For the past few days, every time I think of this character dying, I get really mad and depressed.

I've tried reading, watching other stuff, taking walks outside, working, and nothing will take my mind off of it. I've been so sad for days. And no matter how much I try to reason with myself, nothing works.

A therapist could probably unravel your depression. I don't know what else to suggest.

Both my daughters are heavily into manga, so much so I sometimes just say: "It's only a cartoon."

That's not a good thing to say.

My older one was so into 'Attack on Titan' she started calling herself by one of the male characters.

Don't know what else to tell you. You'll get over it.

Some people are obsessed with Joseph Smith and his fictional Nephites and Lamanites...

Have you considered seeing a therapist? Your reaction to a fictional death is not healthy, but obsessions and depression can usually be successfully treated.

I've done the ardent fandom thing, so I do get it. At the same time, I think your interest has devolved into an obsession. Obsession is an interesting thing. It happens when you have conditioned your body to get a physical rush when the object of your obsession is at hand. When things are going well, it is a cleaner, higher high than any drug could possibly give you. But the lows, as you have discovered, are unbearable.

Your mind and body are addicted to this fandom. It's over when you say it's over. Or when the show is over -- whatever comes first.

I played an online multi player role playing game for almost 20 years. When I had to finally let it go, it felt like I was dying.

When Beth died in the walking dead I cried for two days.

But.....

Within a week I was up and at em like my normal self.

Save the therapy dollars. Go do something to memorialize your loss and then get into the real world and live.

Something or someone will come along before you know it.

I don't know what a fandom is, but I gather from your post that you really identified with the character who died. You bonded with that actor playing the role until it became intensely personal to you.

You're going through the normal stages of grief after losing a loved one.

Try to get your mind off it by focusing on something else that brings you pleasure and helps you deal with your own feelings that made you bond so much with that animated character.

Maybe it means you have an unhealthy obsession with death and dying. Whatever it is, as someone else mentioned seeking out professional help would be worth the investment of time and money.

much wow in this thred ~


brb ~ playing minecraft @ cubeville,com

Especially when we use them as escapes. That's what fiction is... it's another reality we can escape into when this one becomes too much. Sadly, a lot of people, myself included, feel more emotion binge watching tv shows than we do with the real people in our lives. Maybe it's because real life is too real. In other cases it's because real life is not stimulating enough. But we can form strong emotional relationships with the characters in fiction, be it a book or a show or whatever. There's no shame in that. Just remind yourself that it is fiction, and don't feel like a oddity or a freek. You're very normal.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/20/2017 10:27PM by Cold-Dodger.

A lot of people call that being an empath and perhaps you are one?

When something starts taking over our lives in this manner, however, it becomes pathological. If you find yourself unable to move on from this, really consider looking into some kind of counseling.

If this happened recently, I would give it a little time. If you dont feel better soon, see a therapist.

Maybe the deeper question isn't why you reacted so strongly to that character's death, but what caused you to identify so strongly with the character in the first place.

I agree with "The Walking Dead" as a good comparison. There will be some fans blowing a gasket when Daryl or Michonne eventually meet their inevitable ends. They will be inconsolable… for a while, but the rent/mortgage still has to be paid. Their own lives will bring them back to reality, and they'll get over it.

Give it time. It will fade.

If it was Dragonball Z then I completely understand.

I was a WoW addict and failed my last year at Oxford. One of the world's best universities, all those opportunities to learn, to explore academia, to better myself and make like-minded friends; but I was locked away in my room, chain smoking, ordering pizza night after night and obsessing over the in-game auction house.
In reality I was struggling in my studies and I literally ran away from it all to be Mayuka, the night-elf rogue.
At one point I begged for help and counselling but my parents told me to pull my socks up and get on with my studies. I couldn't do it. I just sunk further and further into depression and online gaming.


My family have never gotten over it, and I have never forgiven myself nor them for their lack of support.

Please get help. Be brave, it's nothing to be ashamed about.







(edited for a typo)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/21/2017 04:35AM by pickleweed.

Hey there's nothing wrong with being passionate about something - even if it is fiction.

When I was younger I remember feeling really angry and jealous for many days that Sandra Bullock ended up with freakin' Bill Pullman (well anyone but me and even though Bill is pretty awesome) on the movie "While you were Sleeping". Now I was maybe 12 but that doesn't matter.

When you're passionate about something you are passionate about something whether its 'realistic' or not.

More recently I watched Avatar and really wished I could be one of the blue people... like really wished it and I would wake up a bit disappointing every day for a week or so - my wife thought I'd lost it. I think because of their love of nature. Even though I knew what I was hoping was completely fake.

You'll be fine. You're already recognizing that your behaviour is a bit strange and wondering what's wrong with you lol - its ok to mourn things that you love and lost. Let yourself have the feelings. Explore the character more. Learn the reasons why you liked the character so much. Maybe you could develop some of those traits you loved so much.

Melanie Safka wrote, "Look What They've Done to My Song, Ma."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqg3kcwAgso

Some of the lyrics are:

"Wish I could find a good book to live in.
"Wish I could fine a good book.
"Well, if I could find a real good book,
"I wouldn't have to come out and look at
"What they've done to my song."

Having an escape is understandable and maybe even wonderful. But, the trick is keeping it separate. I think you will be ok.


I had (still have) the book, "The Widow's Broom" by Chris Van Allsburg, where an elderly lady had a magic broom that helped her around the house, and even kicked a few asses. I became so attached to that book (with the excuse of reading it to my children) that one day, I started to put it in my purse and take it to town with me. That took me aback. I had to ask myself why I was so attached to it, and realized that I was exhausted and needed help--it was me who needed the magic broom. After that, I was able to put it away and haven't looked at it until now to get the correct spelling of the artist's name.

Try to understand why you need that character in your life. It may be very revealing to you.

Good luck to you! :)

ahh..you could stop! Just cut it off, completely and replace that time with something that is a service to others.
Decide what you would like to do, and do it. Then volunteer. Get involved in helping other people.
Try it. You might like it! :-)

I saw WoW take over many people that addiction is absolutely insane I put it above any drug addiction easily I lost many friends.

Have you heard of Everquest? My ex-husband was absolutely addicted to that game to the point of pathology. I know a few other couples that ended up splitting because it was a part of the relationship problems back in the late 90s/early aughts.

RPG games can tap into that reward center of the brain and affect people's dopamine and serotonin levels to the point it becomes an addiction and nothing else is as important as the character and the characters development, to hell with anything in the real world.

I second Itzpapalotl on this. You are most likely an empath, or possibly have considerable connection to the character itself. That's ok, and it will pass. I suggest doing some kind of funerary "ritual" to help yourself say goodbye and move on. This could be something like writing down everything that you loved about it, then bury the letter while planting new flower bulbs on top. Or throw it into a campfire as you say goodbye. Some kind of closure is important no matter how trivial it may seem.

This same phenomenon honestly happened to me a few months ago while I was watching History's Vikings. I mean, it's history already known, we knew Ragnar was going to die, but f*%$k I took it personal. I mean I was hyperventilating and shaking and everything.

My sweetheart laughed and put his arm around me and said something about him being dead for over 1000 years now, and I didn't think that was funny. I totally blame genetic memory (since I'm technically related to a partial leg of his bloodline) for that one.

Stop thinking about yourself so much--that's what's wrong, and start thinking about how you can help others.

I think the posts referencing how caring you are, and that you care about the character, in some connecting way makes so much sense! Your willingness to find fandom, to care, to notice characters that matter to you, and to feel deeply speak of that which Mormonism has not burned out and Mormonism cannot touch and Mormonism cannot take away from you. I would that all the over stressed people in and out of the church took the privelige of participating in connecting and caring aboutfictional character who they know is a fiction but value in their life, unlike the Mormons who think nephi and laban and Lemuel and zarahemla and the gadiaton robbers and alma are real persons they are forced to build their life on. You mourn your fandom fictional character's death but know your connection to the fandom character's set of foibles hopes efforts battles losses dreams failures greatly strengths humor and weakness are real. Your connection to the fandom character's traits efforts humor and story of experiences are what is real. Who felt or experienced such hope love and true loss with any fictional Book of Mormon character? So you go to show that exmormons are more alive feel care mourn because they're able to reflect some part of the self into the world around them honestly, make fandoms characters who they really connect to part of the expression of the whimsy of you ( or to part of: the zest for life of you, or the ironic chalennges of you, or the humor of you, or the secret hidden beauties which you hold in your heart of you. ) yes! You could perceive it and connect through that fandom character and that was what was real. Is real. That you feel. The fandom character inspired and motivated you to feel. That is our humanity.

What Book of Mormon character lets you do that! And besides Mormons think Book of Mormon character's are real. So you have made a real leap of faith a real show of emotional strength demonstrating the ability to reach outside yourself outside your world into another narrative (fandom)... demonstrates a cognitive strength you're not weak, that you are able to care. And because you can care you can mourn. What traits and experiences or expressions did your fandom character exhibit that you admired or related to?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2017 05:31PM by paintinginthewin.

A lot of good thoughts on the matter. I urge you to reread Itzpapalotl's posts again, especially the matter about being an empath. If you became involved this intensely with a fictional character, it suggests to me that you might become overly involved, even love-addicted, with a real person. Thus, the nature of this involvement (manifested in your excessive grieving; see AmyJo, above) suggests a vulnerability you need to be careful about.

The character apparently filled a void in your life. If you can identify what that void is, and effectively attend to it, then you won't be so vulnerable to excessive bonding in the future, be it a fictional or real person (or religion!).

Check out a book, "Positive Addictions" by William Glasser, which I've just started and like a lot (so far). He also has a title, "Take Effective Control Of Your Life," which might be worth looking into.

Here are some links to better understand:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201602/10-traits-empathic-people

http://themindunleashed.com/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html

http://www.empathtest.com/

Although it may not appear so on the board sometimes, I'm also an empath and I have to keep up "shields" IRL because of it, but I don't bottle up my emotions, either, because that leads to disastrous results. I cried when Glenn died on TWD even though I knew it was coming and there are times when the show really touches something visceral in me (the episode East was another). If my "energy" is uncontrolled by strong emotions, it can affect people around me like last year when my father was in the ICU and my fellow potters were having a hard time throwing around me (even those that didn't know what was going on).

Being an empath has its upsides and downsides and it's just another evolutionary adaptation in personality traits like neuroticism and agreeableness. You can learn to mitigate the downsides and enhance the positives. With the latter, it's been immensely helpful in protecting myself against toxic people and dangerous people now that I understand the condition better.

Lily Belle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Heads up, I know this will sound pathetic and
> ridiculous and I'm so sorry. I know I'm being
> unreasonable and embarrassingly extreme and I'm
> just trying to find out what's broken and how to
> fix it.
>
> So, I'm really obsessed with a particular fandom.
> Like...probably unhealthily obsessed. It's become
> my biggest way of escape in life.
>

OP, read your last sentence, above, until you can accept that it is/was the escape, not the fictional character(s) or story, that has so much relevance to your emotional well being.

A person - any of us - can (and do) hand responsibility for our emotional well being over to those we know. People who have been conditioned not to trust others may seek the relatively emotionally "safe" world of fiction, gaming, hobbies, etc.

Is it possible that you bonded with a fictional character in lieu of bonding with other people? Your heartfelt reaction is not unreasonable in that case, but still unhealthy in that it places responsibility for your emotional state into the hands of others, those who produce the show.

It is possible now for you to say to yourself, "I made a mistake not in trusting, but on not knowing whom or how to trust. I can learn those things, invest in myself and my future, by learning that trust is not a gift, but a skill, and that I can find trustworthy people with whom to share my life."

Trust is about balance and perspective.

Learning that trust is a matter of degree, that it is not an all-or-nothing prospect, is an interesting journey. You simply misplaced your trust with people you had no reason to trust (the writers/producers of the show).

You are not "broken." Doctors are being amazed by new understandings of the ways in which brains can heal, recover, adapt and learn. You can be as adaptable as you wish. You hold the power. Please don't give it away to strangers anymore.

Happy trails to you.