Once up a time in the land of Salt Lake Pity there lived three Boars; Dementia Boar, Cry Baby Boar, and Pretty Boy Boar. One fine morning they had no porridge because it was Fast Sunday and they were all very grumpy. They decided to push Dementia Boar in his wheelchair and go for a walk down by the City Creek. While they were out, a wandering neighbor widow lady called Goodylooks knocked on their door. Since there was no answer, she let herself in and took a look around.

There were three red velvet plush chairs that were exceedingly comfortable to the butt and very desirable. On the table were three empty bowls that had no porridge in them. Goodylooks sat down in the big chair and stared at the empty big bowl but it was too big. She sat down in the middle chair, but it was wet so she quickly jumped out. She sat in the third chair and it was so comfy that she fell fast asleep.

In a little while the three Boars came home from their walk. Dementia Boar didn’t notice that the door had been pushed open. In fact, he didn’t notice much of anything. Cry Baby Boar stopped crying for a minute and looked inside. Pretty Boy Boar was busy combing his graying fur yet again but when he noticed that someone was asleep in one of their red velvet chairs he became exceedingly angry.

In a loud authoritative voice he demanded that Goodylooks awake and show him a permission slip as no one was allowed into their sacred hovel without paying the required fee. Goodylooks was afraid as she woke up and seen the Three Boars hovering above her. She spryly sprang from her seat and as she ran out the door one of her slippers fell off and was left behind.

Dementia Boar quickly picked up the still warm slipper and while holding it tightly he quietly sniffed to the other Boars that “we must find this fair older maiden“. He revelated to the others, “Send out the Hovel Teachers, find her, find her this instance!” as he reached for his Diet Pepsi. Cry Baby Boar was crying hysterically as he tried to speak about what he had just witnessed. Pretty Boy Boar returned to the hall mirror to admire himself some more.

A call went out into all of the land. Young boars were called to venture out, two by two, and knock on every door until this fair older maiden was found. Every day was declared to be a Super Saturday crafts day in hopes of enticing the owner of the slipper to emerge from hiding and fulfill Dementia Boar’s fantasy once again.

Goodylooks had noticed all of the commotion and upon learning it was her that they were seeking, she went to see Bishop Boar to seek his counsel. Bishop Boar contacted President Boar and Area Boar. Dementia Boar was notified, Cry Baby Boar started crying, and Pretty Boy Boar drove them to the fair older maiden’s hovel. A huge Boarish meal was quickly assembled, funeral potatoes, green Jello salad, boiled ham, dinner rolls, green beans, and plastic cups of water adorned the table.

After the feeding frenzy had ended, Dementia Boar had forgotten why he was there, but felt compelled to paint the house anyway. Cry Baby Boar cried his eyes out as he was so happy. Pretty Boy Boar left when he remembered that he had an appointment at the Elite Boar Salon.

The End

Ha ha ha...Bores