My cousin is remarrying this month. It's both her and her fiance's second wedding. We're invited to their reception (typical Mormon style.) She has not written anything on the invitation about registering somewhere, which is tacky yet informative.

Is a gift expected? I personally don't want to come empty-handed. I was thinking of giving a board game or a glass pitcher. For our history, if it matters: We're not too close anymore. She contributed a small amount toward a combined gift for my wedding, and made me a blanket for my first-born.

What has worked for you?

Since a second marriage is considered the triumph of hope over experience...

I'd suggest a transferable gift card. :)

I like how you put that. Can't go wrong with a gift card.

"Since a second marriage is considered the triumph of hope over experience, I decided on a transferable gift card."

If she doesn't appreciate the joke, that's her loss.

By tradition, a gift is given when invited to a wedding. This does not change if they have a registry.

I have seen invitations that request no gifts be given. In this case, of course, giving no gift would be the correct etiquette.

Thank you.

Consider gourmet consumables. Quality wine if they're not adhering to the WoW, or a high-end smoked ham or something.

I actually have a toaster (almost 10 years old now) in our basement from my wedding, lol.

Gourmet consumables, I haven't thought of that before. Interesting possibilities. Thank you.

A mormon. Of course, she couldn't live with them first or have sex. One of her marriages lasted a week. Her invitation stated, "Please no gifts. There will be a cash tree available at the reception."

I have no advice about Mormon etiquette. I grew up in California, and second-time brides didn't have bridal showers, and requested "no gifts, please" on the wedding invitation. I was a second-time bride, and that's what I did. It was my husband's first marriage, so, for him, we had a family wedding (our families are quite large), and I bought my sisters-in-law new dresses of their own choosing, and they were my bridesmaids. I wore a white summer dress, and not a wedding gown. No veil. I bought our two little nieces flower-girl dresses, and they had flower baskets to carry around. We were married in my parents' back yard, and I have to say, it was so much lovelier than my first wedding, which was a cold, institutional temple sealing, with most of my dear ones excluded.

For a second marriage, it is nice to send out "announcements." People don't have to give gifts for just an announcement. Announcements are usually sent to people who live too far away go come to a reception. In Utah, if you go to a wedding reception, you bring a gift, in your hand. (I don't much like the idea of bringing a gift, when I'm banned from the wedding ceremony.)

Cash tree--the only ones I've seen have been at Mormon receptions. These people had no pride! They couldn't afford a reception, and had their receptions at a public park, and a cultural hall. Punch and cookies--no food--and a fake wedding cake, which was only a decoration! We thought the cake was real, and waited and waited for it to be cut....

The cash tree was not well received. Some of the comments:

"See that hundred dollar bill--I gave them that!"
"Well, I gave them five 20's."
"So, we're all supposed to give anonymously?"
"This is a slick way to get out of writing thank-you notes."
"How do we know they aren't going to gamble it away in Wendover?"
Bishop: "I'll just take 10% off the top of this..." LOL!
"Is it OK if I make change, here. All I have is this 50." We laughed at this guy, until we found out he was serious! He actually made change.

I think a card that says, "Third time's a charm" would be nice. :)

I give gifts when I want to and never when they are expected. I went to a wedding for a couple who had been together for twenty five years and were well to do and had every luxury imaginable in the house. Still, they registered at several high end stores. Beyond tacky.

I gave nothing. When I give a gift, it is out of the blue and something special. Period.

The fact that she made you a blanket for the baby was very sweet. I would find something thoughtful to give. A beautifully high end photo album is nice or a really beautiful silver frame for a photo of the wedding. Tiffany has beautiful ones.

Tea towels. Maybe also a Costco box of Cottonelle moist wipes. I'm very bad at gifts.

Ask. Just give your cousin a call and see if they are expecting gifts, if they want gifts and what gifts they might need.

Mormon weddings are usually cheap and so are the gifts. If they won't tell you what they need, then get them something you think they might like. No need to spend a lot, especially because you're not invited to the wedding proper.

candles, a bottle (or half) of something fizzy - alcohol optional - complete with flute glasses, chocolate body paint, kama sutra (no pictures version), money in a humerous card - the list of impersonal gifts is endless. You can even go sugared almonds and a bag of rice to wish them prosperity and fertility in a more traditional manner.

Or you could just show up with a card. The likelihood is they will forget who gave what except for the big and or personal gifts they receive before the wedding. I would imagine attending would be the important thing, unless you know otherwise due to your relationship.

someone gave us a chyrstal vase for what was my 2nd wedding. it was great cause I lost other vases in the divorce.

others gave us $10-25 gift cards for area restaurants even tho our invitation said "please, no gift.s" it was nice to enjoy dinner.

When I married my Naval-officer starter husband, we got not one, but TWO sterling silver candle-snuffers! SERIOUSLY??? Who uses candle-snuffers, except in church?

I was told that it was proper etiquette for officers' wives to have a small table in the entryway, with a silver dish for calling cards. I never had one, and I never had calling cards of my own. I thought it was way too snobby.

The best second wedding I ever saw was my friend who did a destination wedding. They went to Jamaica and bought a wedding package. Then people could go on the site and purchase additional things as gifts. Several of us went in on a romantic dinner on the beach. There were things like boat tours, massages, breakfast in bed, etc. that you could purchase for them. It was nice knowing we were contributing to making their private wedding nice. And if people would go together on something, it was not pricey at all.

My standard wedding gift, regardless of registry or none:

I go find a pretty basket somewhere and fill it with a bottle of wine (or a six pack if the happy couple aren't wine drinkers), a couple glasses, a corkscrew, maybe some napkins and a couple plates, and all kinds of gourmet food samples, like you'd get in one of those holiday sampler things with cheeses, and sausages and spreads and whatnot. Maybe throw in a box of crackers and some cookies... I sometimes make a playlist on CD if I know the couple well enough to DJ the picnic I just gave them.

The idea is I'm giving a basket of memories. The couple has a ready-made picnic and can just chuck that basket in the car and go make a memory or some babies or something. ;)

Consider a quality item in crystal, trying not to get something that becomes household clutter. Depending upon your budget, you might have it engraved with their names and date.

My son is a graphics genius, with special skills in photoshop and lasers. My brother dotes on his Prius, and for his 75th birthday, my son doctored up a picture of a Prius, adding a racing number ("75"), racing stripes, and an air foil, then added "R____ C____ Prius Racing Team," along with a waving checker flag. Then he engraved on some tacky thrift-store champagne glasses.

That cost nothing more than a few bucks for the glasses, of course. Think imaginatively!

I had a neighbor that already had a child when she moved in. She had another child and I was invited to her baby shower. I did not go because I always thought a baby shower and wedding presents were only to help a young couple get set up for the first baby or first household.

I thought it tacky for people to expect gifts for a 2nd or 3rd child or marriage. They are usually more established by that time and still have the goods from the first baby/marriage.

Print this thread out when it's done.

Frame it and give it to her.

I helped out at my TBM best friend's son's wedding a few summers ago in Utah. I went several days beforehand when wedding gifts were arriving. The worst give from a member (I think the bishop) was a hymnal book - YES, a hymnal book! All of a few bucks and what a joke!

At least my TBM friend thought it was tacky also! She said it was a popular gift in that area! They ended up with 3-4 of them!!

She's been nice to you. For a second wedding, I would give a modest but thoughtful gift.

I tend to gravitate toward classic gifts like silver picture frames or cut crystal vases. I think that a nicely designed glass pitcher would be welcome.

Consumable gifts are nice as well. I was not in a position to give my nephew and his bride a decent wedding gift last summer, but I recently gave them enough money for a nice dinner out to celebrate their first anniversary.