I lived my first 16 years in the eastern US, far from REAL Mormonism. Though we had a good ward with many transplants from Zion, it seemed there was something lacking. Certainly things were better in Utah.

Then Dad retired and we moved back to the mother ship. Now I would experience The Church® in its full glory! Instead of being only one of three Mormons in my high school, I'd be surrounded by super-righteous Saints. Yay!

Man, what a letdown. You know how cruise ships look all white and gleaming out in the harbor? But then you get next to it and you see the corrosion, rust and barnacles. That's how it was in Zion. Even my Utah-born parents were disappointed.

Utah... I lived there briefly. It's fine as lon as you don't have to interact with people much. I still remember getting dirty looks for buying energy drinks. I guess Monster is against the wow in Utah. I worked for a guy who claimed to be a fantastic business man, he never paid me, and later I learned he walked off with all the company assets and his partner was forced to sell his house to pay for it all. They met at a church basketball game. My wife worked for a guy who was some amazing devoted Latter Day Saint, next thing you know he is asking her to send naked pictures to him (my pregnant wife mind you). Because she was Asian, obviously he could get away with such behavior. There is no end to the fantastic examples of church piety I could share from my time in Utah.