I love music, I play the bass guitar and the piano. I played the piano tons on my mission, at various conferences, wards, branches, and even a wedding. I recently listened to some old stuff I haven't listened to in a while, and there in the song, were some lyrics that captured how I feel/felt about the church. I have omitted some lines for clarity.

The lines turned to lies
and the lies turned to tangles...
but you fake it though it shows
so you live with the lies
and the friends that it gathers
but somewhere in your heart
you know you gotta let it go

This is exactly how it was for me. Everything turned from lines to lies and tangles. As I tried to sort things out it just got more tangled. I still attended but it was fake, for show, and I'd never known anything else, so I went along because it was all I had. I tried to fit in, but I knew I wasn't, I couldn't. I knew in my heart that I had to let it go, I couldn't keep doing something that I knew was all a tangled lie hiding another lie. It was a scary prospect to just let it all go. I called a friend, who is pagan, that I hadn't talked to in a long time, ironically, she was in the same ward as me growing up. I had let go of the church a long time ago, but it wasn't until I said to my friend, "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is NOT true, Joseph Smith was NOT a prophet" that I actually let it go. I remember that day, just going about my routine, it's like I was a different person, I was a good enough person, it no longer mattered that I didn't live up to the standards of TSCC.

Little did I know that that was the beginning of a very long and difficult road, sometimes I wish I was still pretending. But I'm glad I'm not, a person has to be true to themselves.

Was just thinking about that and thought I'd share it with people here.

Nice. Thanks for posting.

The last two lines can apply to so many things in life...bad cults, bad relationships, bad habits.

"but somewhere in your heart
you know you gotta let it go"

I've always loved how powerful music can be and the messages that it can convey. I have also found important to vocalize what I'm feeling instead of just thinking it. Thanks for sharing, it is difficult, buy you'll be glad you did it! I am!