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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
"Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
If you haven't already, I highly recommend you watch the classic Ingrid Bergman film that inspired the term.
Gaslight (1944)
Gaslight (1944)
anonculus Wrote:
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> If you haven't already, I highly recommend you
> watch the classic Ingrid Bergman film that
> inspired the term.
>
> Gaslight (1944)
I second that. The term as a psychological term is very often misused. It's very new in the field also.
-------------------------------------------------------
> If you haven't already, I highly recommend you
> watch the classic Ingrid Bergman film that
> inspired the term.
>
> Gaslight (1944)
I second that. The term as a psychological term is very often misused. It's very new in the field also.
I don't think the term "gaslighting" was in popular usage yet, but my lifelong best friend listened to me, as I was floundering in self-doubt and depression from the behavior of my now-ex and his GF, who (get this - it's TRUE) lived with us at the time.
One particular incident stands out. My then-husband asked me, "Did you remember to pick up the stuff from the dry cleaners?" I said, "There isn't anything at the dry cleaners." I was reasonably sure of this, though at that time, my mental state was very, very turbulent. GF piped up, "Sure there is. I bet you have the receipt in your wallet. Why don't you look?" I looked in my wallet, more to show them that there WAS no receipt than anything.
There WAS a laundry receipt in my wallet. And I had NO idea how it had gotten there. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Nada.
This happened more than 30 years ago, and just recalling how I felt at that moment makes me queasy. Talk about doubting yourself!
When I told my BFF about this, she said, in astonishment and anger, "They are trying to MAKE you crazy - just like in the movie, 'Gaslight.' Don't you remember it?" I didn't, because I hadn't seen it.
Her perception and insight helped me to get my feet back under me, emotionally, and start figuring out how to leave that terrible situation. I am certain - to this day - that either the ex or the GF placed that receipt in my wallet. Malice, plain and simple.
One particular incident stands out. My then-husband asked me, "Did you remember to pick up the stuff from the dry cleaners?" I said, "There isn't anything at the dry cleaners." I was reasonably sure of this, though at that time, my mental state was very, very turbulent. GF piped up, "Sure there is. I bet you have the receipt in your wallet. Why don't you look?" I looked in my wallet, more to show them that there WAS no receipt than anything.
There WAS a laundry receipt in my wallet. And I had NO idea how it had gotten there. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Nada.
This happened more than 30 years ago, and just recalling how I felt at that moment makes me queasy. Talk about doubting yourself!
When I told my BFF about this, she said, in astonishment and anger, "They are trying to MAKE you crazy - just like in the movie, 'Gaslight.' Don't you remember it?" I didn't, because I hadn't seen it.
Her perception and insight helped me to get my feet back under me, emotionally, and start figuring out how to leave that terrible situation. I am certain - to this day - that either the ex or the GF placed that receipt in my wallet. Malice, plain and simple.
I was raised Mormon, gaslighted.
I'm sure all of us use Wiki, but I remember my teenage daughter tellig me "Wiki is not a credible source!" Of course there are times I agreed with her while trying to steer her away from "black-and-white" thinking... To bring this back to "on topic," a lot of the Mormon "revisionism" and faith-promoting balderdash amount to attempt to gaslight we "wicked anti's."
This article addresses "gaslighting" and "narcissism," and as noted, it's a tactic they often use.
And yes, it is abusive and difficult to combat because narcissists invariably react with denial, anger, and defensiveness when called to account for their self-centered actions.
>http://narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/
>The Effects of Gaslighting on Victims of Narcissistic Abuse
>What is Gaslighting?
>Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse used by narcissists in order to instill in their victim’s an extreme sense of anxiety and confusion to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. The techniques used in “Gaslighting” by the narcissist are similar to those used in brainwashing, interrogation, and torture that have been used in psychological warfare by intelligence operative, law enforcement and other forces for decades.
>The intention is to, in a systematic way, target the victim’s mental equilibrium, self confidence, and self esteem so that they are no longer able to function in an independent way. Gaslighting involves the abuser to frequently and systematically withhold factual information from the victim, and replacing it with false information. Because of its subtlety, this cunning Machiavellian behaviour is a deeply insidious set of manipulations that is difficult for anybody to work out, and with time it finally undermines the mental stability of the victim. That is why it is such a dangerous form of abuse. The emotional damage of Gaslighting is huge on the narcissistic victim.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2017 09:25PM by SL Cabbie.
This article addresses "gaslighting" and "narcissism," and as noted, it's a tactic they often use.
And yes, it is abusive and difficult to combat because narcissists invariably react with denial, anger, and defensiveness when called to account for their self-centered actions.
>http://narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/
>The Effects of Gaslighting on Victims of Narcissistic Abuse
>What is Gaslighting?
>Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse used by narcissists in order to instill in their victim’s an extreme sense of anxiety and confusion to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. The techniques used in “Gaslighting” by the narcissist are similar to those used in brainwashing, interrogation, and torture that have been used in psychological warfare by intelligence operative, law enforcement and other forces for decades.
>The intention is to, in a systematic way, target the victim’s mental equilibrium, self confidence, and self esteem so that they are no longer able to function in an independent way. Gaslighting involves the abuser to frequently and systematically withhold factual information from the victim, and replacing it with false information. Because of its subtlety, this cunning Machiavellian behaviour is a deeply insidious set of manipulations that is difficult for anybody to work out, and with time it finally undermines the mental stability of the victim. That is why it is such a dangerous form of abuse. The emotional damage of Gaslighting is huge on the narcissistic victim.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2017 09:25PM by SL Cabbie.
if you have survived this horror yourself.
The article was spot-on correct in every detail. Now, I'm sitting here, shaking, having been brought back to a situation I escaped from more than two decades ago.
Thanks to years of effective therapy, and a wonderfully supportive subsequent relationship, I have pretty much recovered, at least, as much as I'm going to. I don't think I will ever fully recover the "self" I used to be, but I pass for "normal" now. Most of the people in my life now don't know who I used to be, so they have no idea how different I was.
People who knowingly "Gaslight" others fully deserve whatever maximum sentence can be imposed on them. They have stolen another person's vitality.
The article was spot-on correct in every detail. Now, I'm sitting here, shaking, having been brought back to a situation I escaped from more than two decades ago.
Thanks to years of effective therapy, and a wonderfully supportive subsequent relationship, I have pretty much recovered, at least, as much as I'm going to. I don't think I will ever fully recover the "self" I used to be, but I pass for "normal" now. Most of the people in my life now don't know who I used to be, so they have no idea how different I was.
People who knowingly "Gaslight" others fully deserve whatever maximum sentence can be imposed on them. They have stolen another person's vitality.
I am a high school teacher in a wealthy school. Generally, the kids are grade grubbers. Most of the time, they behave decently.
But I have been the victim of them trying to gaslight me a number of times--usually in terms of an assignment they didn't want to do.
One will throw some line out about how I never told them, or said something completely contradictory and instantly 5 or more kids will start piling on even if they have no evidence or knowledge that what the instigator said is true. They're just trying to throw sh!t up against the wall too see if it sticks.
They don't realize that what they're doing is abusive. Or they don't care.
I have more than once called the kids out on this. It's despicable.
But I have been the victim of them trying to gaslight me a number of times--usually in terms of an assignment they didn't want to do.
One will throw some line out about how I never told them, or said something completely contradictory and instantly 5 or more kids will start piling on even if they have no evidence or knowledge that what the instigator said is true. They're just trying to throw sh!t up against the wall too see if it sticks.
They don't realize that what they're doing is abusive. Or they don't care.
I have more than once called the kids out on this. It's despicable.