That was the most horrible experience I have ever been through. From singing in a choir on June 21st, with that wonderful, powerful voice, to being diagnosed with terminal cancer on June 29th, he died only 10 days after coming home.

It was too fast. How is that possible? One doctor said a year. Another said 3 months. The shortest possible pronouncement was weeks. It was 10 days.

This is so wrong. My Dad was the most wonderful man in the world. That never should have happened to him. It's not right.

I spent 10 days caring for him. They turned me into a palliative nurse, especially at night. I stayed up with him all night long, giving him meds every hour.

I had to help them to get him to the hearst because it was so difficult to navigate everything on our stairs. It was my last duty as a daughter to my Dad.

He was so terrified of going to a hospital and dying there. He so desperately wanted to be at home and I was absolutely determined that this would happen for him.

It was horrific. It was exhausting. But I will never regret my last gift to my beautiful Dad, the most wonderful father in the world.

I am devastated.

Grefort,
I wish I could give you a big warm hug in person.
Over the internet will have to do.

I lost my dad too suddenly, too. It's hard.
I'm sure he appreciated your last gift.

He brought you into existence. He cared for you and nurtured you. He's not really gone as long as you live.

Warm thoughts...

Have seen both sides- lingering and longing. Tender mercies to you and I am thankful that your father did not endure extended pain...every father should have a child like you.

Gatorman
Hopeful I can exit with my children there

So sorry for your loss, Greyfort. I know it is devastating.

Time is the only thing that heals these types of wounds. A lot of time.

Hang in there.

Greyfort, I remember how devastated I felt when my dad died suddenly. You have my sympathy.

Sincere condolences Greyfort.

Greyfort, big (((hugs))) and sincere condolences. My Dad died suddenly after several "successful" surgeries. My Mom's death took many many months of pain and loss of quality of life. Neither was what I expected.

Your father is at peace and is out of pain and suffering. Now, in your grief, friend, you'll need to help your Mom and family as they grieve. You, too, need lots of love and support. Your emotions may be like a roller-coaster, but the promise of peace and resolution will be yours, too.

Funerals can be difficult. Family members may get emotional or say illogical things. It's okay. Your father is now always with you in your heart and memory.

If it help, please post if you need support. There's lots of love and support here. Love and hugs, The Boner.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2017 10:21AM by BYU Boner.

((((Greyfort))))))

I'm so sorry for your devastating loss. Peace to you.

Greyfort, deep sympathy to you. It's so hard to lose someone you love, particularly a parent. I'm glad you were able to be there for him when he needed it most, but I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this at all. What a gift you gave your dad by being there for him. Take care.

So sorry for your loss and short amount of time you had at the end. I'm sure he was grateful you were there for him.

Terribly sad to hear of your loss, but glad you could do him justice, Greyfort.

Tom in Paris

So sorry for your loss.

What wonderful thoughts. Thank you so much, everyone.

I feel quite broken this morning. When I was little, if I was bored or sad, my Dad would drop anything he was doing and take me out for ice cream, or just throw a ball back and forth with me.

I know that he must have had bad days at work, but he never once brought one home with him. Whatever happened at the office, stayed at the office and he always gave us such a happy greeting when he got home from work.

Even while in pain and dying, the nurses who came to the house were just amazed at his sense-of-humour.

One night, we were all sitting around, just sort of watching him. He said, "Hey, at least I didn't pick the middle of winter."

And yet, I know that he was terrified. I won't share those moments, but he was really scared, and that's the part that I find so extremely difficult to bear.

My dad was scared at the end also. It was very difficult to leave him at night when he felt that way. We didn't have him at home with us.

You must be exhausted.

Sending you much love.

Greyfort, I'm so sorry. The speed with which it happened must have left you feeling bewildered. You were a good and loving daughter to him right up until the end.

The first few weeks will be the hardest. Do whatever you need to do to get through each day. I used to talk to myself if I was at home, giving myself little pep talks and mental pats on the back for whatever I could accomplish each day, even if it was just doing a load of laundry.

Now is the time to practice self-care. Be kind to yourself. Be loving with yourself. Know that your dad would want you to take care of yourself by eating well, getting out for walks, and trying to get some sleep.

We will be here for you. Post whenever you need to or want to.

Thank you. I'm torn. I'm exhausted and I do need to take care of myself now. But my parents were married for 66 years. I live with my parents, so I still have one duty to perform and that's to be there for my Mom.

I'm just so very tired and I'm doing so well at the moment. We have switched and now she is being the strong one and I am falling apart.

It's okay to fall apart. I think it's essential to fully embrace the grief process. In time (a lot of time,) it will enable you to move on in a healthy way. Just try to focus on those basics (eating, rest, exercise, etc.) And remember, no two people grieve in the same way. Whatever way is best for *you* is the correct way.

Like you, I was with my mom when she died. Many years later it comforts me to know that she was not alone, and that she had someone to go through her last period of life with her.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2017 10:49AM by summer.

Oh, Greyfort...you did so well!!!

When he needed you the most, your love and support gave him the incredible gift of the best possible transition...

You did it!!

...and because of you, he died knowing that he was loved.

I am sorry for the hurt and the loss you are feeling now.

In the weeks and months to come, these feelings will resolve (as much as is possible).

In the meantime, and paraphrasing what was said to me in similar circumstances:

Please get some sleep.

I think I have a pretty good idea of where "you" are right now, and if so, right now what you need more than anything else (except for drinking lots of pure water) is sleep...even if you think you can't.

You did it!

...and you did it the best way it could ever have been done.

Your Dad must have been so proud of you as, step by step, you helped him transition through his last journey.

Now it is time for you to drink lots of pure water.

Now it is time for you to sleep.

It will help. Honest.

And know that another final caregiver remembers, and understands, and is proud of you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2017 11:00AM by Tevai.

So very sorry for your loss.

My dad died suddenly and unexpectedly too. He was across the country at the time. Fortunately for him two of my brothers were with him that day, both felt compelled to visit him out of state that weekend. On Monday they went with him to the hospital for a routine biopsy he didn't wake up from.

If I'd have been there I know I'd have lost it.

You were strong to take care of your dad right up to the end. It's okay to feel exhausted. You do need to rest now and take care of you.

Lean on your mom for now. There'll be time later she'll need your support, but for now she's there for you. And that's a wonderful thing you have that kind of bond.

(((hugs)))

I am exhausted, but there were a few things I had to write before I went to bed at 4:00 a.m. last night, or rather this morning.

If anyone is interested, I will share it here:

The Gift:

When my Dad passed away, his eyes were partially open and his mouth was open and contorted sideways. I had closed his eyes as best as possible, but his mouth was still wide open and very distorted in shape.

Just before the team arrived to take my Dad’s body into their care, I glanced at my Dad and decided that I should move my car, so that they could pull into the driveway.

After I moved the car and took my key out of the ignition, it hit me. I thought, “Wait a minute. Wasn’t Dad’s mouth open?”

I went back into the house and looked at his face and was amazed. Somehow, his mouth had gone back into it’s natural position and it was closed. He looked like he was just taking a nap and was almost smiling. He looked so at peace.

I said to my mother, “Mom! Look at his face. Wasn’t his mouth open before?”

She looked and noted that, yes, it was now closed, that he looked more like himself and that he was just taking a nap.

For the first time in a long time, a great sense of peace came over me. I was amazed and I couldn’t stop staring at his face. It was no longer contorted. It looked completely relaxed. It was so serene and peaceful.

It may be a bit fanciful, but I felt like it was his way of thanking us for taking care of him and letting us know that he was at peace, at last.

At least for that moment, I got to have peace too.



A Daughter’s Last Duty:

For the past ten days, I have taken part in caring for my Dad, who had come home with the terrible diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer. He was given perhaps three months to live, or maybe only weeks. It was only ten days.

On the final day, I could feel myself beginning to fall apart due to exhaustion. I had been turned into the nighttime palliative nurse, staying up with him all night, injecting medicines designed to help him to breathe and to remain calm and pain-free.

I would sit and hold his hand while I talked to him, even when he could no longer respond.

As I write this, it is the wee hours of the eleventh day and I have now completed my last duty to my Dad. I had been absolutely determined that he be allowed to remain home for his last days. He was terrified of being sent away and dying in a hospital and I was determined that this would not happen to him.

My mother and I held a vigil by his bedside as we awaited the funeral home team, who would come to take him into their care after he had passed.

They were very polite and dressed beautifully. The young man was former military. I said to the young woman, “They make you do this in a dress?” She just said, “Yeah!” as if to indicate, “Tell me about it.”

Watching my Dad being wrapped in his shroud was difficult. The body cracks a lot when moved, which was rather unnerving. As they wrapped my Dad in a shroud and encased him in a burgundy velvet bag, he began his final journey out of his home.

Our many stairs proved to be a challenge for them. The young woman was nearly dragged down the stairs a few times and it looked rather precarious. My mother was grabbing onto her, trying to keep her from falling. So I stepped up to complete my final duty as his daughter and moved in to help them to get the gurney safely down the stairs to the waiting van.

I have no idea where my strength and composure has been coming from, but I was able to be strong one last time. For Daddy. Goodbye, Dad. I love you and I always will.

Now the tears can begin to flow, because I will miss you dreadfully.

It’s 3:20 a.m. and now it’s time to take care of me and get some sleep.

Greyfort,

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are a wonderful daughter.

My mom died in her sleep at the hospital nearly 4 years ago. She'd broken both legs and had surgery, but just was not meant to recover. It was not unexpected, and yet it was.

I was the one they called at 3AM. And I was the one who had to be all business and call my siblings and nephews and then go tell my dad.

I don't think I've ever really cried about Mom's death.

In a way, it was a relief, because she was a falls risk, with dementia and osteoporosis. She was a frequent flyer to the hospital. I was angry with her for days after she died, because it didn't have to be. She didn't have to fall, but maybe she would have anyway.

But it was a relief. I knew she would never come to harm again, and that she was safe.

Now I've got my dad, and he lives with me. He's still independent and such a good room mate. I'm treasuring our time. He's 89.


Other Susan



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2017 02:10AM by escapee.

Oh Greyfort...
I am so so sorry. Get lots of rest.
Right now, you probably think that you will never experience joy again, but you will. It will take time, but you will be ok.
Take care. I had a wonderful dad, too.

Greyfort, I'm so sorry.

You are the daughter that every parent would love to have.

Greyfort... sending you much love and many hugs.

May loving peace be with you, your family, and your incredible father.

I am so sorry to hear this, and hope you are coping well. You were right to let him die at home. No one wants to have to do that in a hospital.

My father-in-law passed under very similar circumstances as your father. And a co-worker of mine just dropped dead one day, and an autopsy revealed that he had died of totally undetected cancer. I guess I'm just saying that it seems strange and wrong that this should happen, but I guess it does, making it all the more shocking.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2017 11:55AM by cludgie.

((((Greyfort)))) I'm so sorry for your loss. That's awful and sad.what a wonderful daughter you are. Hugs and love to you.

Oh, Greyfort, my heart aches with yours. You will always miss him, but in time the jabs of pain will change, and become warm rushes of love.

I lost my beloved father when I was only 18. I send you love, hugs, and peace for your soul.

You are in a state of shock.

I know when my uncle died at home the funeral directors absolutely would not even let anyone view them removing him from the house.

So sorry you had to go through that.

notmo

Losing someone is never easy. Sending warm thoughts your way thru cyberspace. May you have peace and serenity knowing that your father appreciated all the joy that you gave him. Your a great daughter to be there when he needed you. May the sorrow you feel now turn to wonderful never to be forgotten happy memories quickly. (((Hugs)))

What a great gift you gave your father AND YOURSELF. I believe what you did for him will give you peace over the rest of your life.

I'm so very sorry. This whole thread made me cry. Losing our parents is something that can't be explained to someone who hasn't experienced it. My parents have been gone for 8-1/2 years and there are so many days I still need them and miss them.

My friend's father was diagnosed with terminal cancer in the morning and he died at 3:30 p.m. He was also told he'd last a few weeks to months.

My father was also "afraid" of death, more what was going to happen when he died, but not necessarily of dying, especially after my mother died 2 months before him. Both my parents died in interesting situations and I hope I can die like they did. They didn't linger.

They had turned me into a nighttime palliative nurse, which is a big factor in my exhaustion. I had to inject drugs into tubes to help my Dad with his breathing, with pain and to help him to be calm.

One night, at about 4:00 in the morning, I sent a text to my sister.

I said, "This isn't right. Lying here listening to someone you love, desperately trying to take their last breaths, is some kind of torture. I'm sure this is something which will scar a person for life. They shouldn't even allow someone to do this.

All I wanted was to give Dad his last wish, which was to die at home, surrounded by his loved ones. But I had no f-ing clue."

That incessant gurgling, what they call a death rattle. It was horrible. I had to lie in the dark and listen to it for two nights in a row.

I feel traumatized and I will never forget this experience. It was horrible. But I will never regret it either. It was all for my Dad.

Greyfort, crying is good. It is necessary. It is healing. Keep at it.

The journey that we take with a loved one as they die is probably unique to everyone. It is an undiscovered country. In time, the horrific aspects will fade, and the loving care that you were able to give your dad will predominate. Recovering from caregiving and from a subsequent death of a loved one is a process, and not one you would wish on your worst enemy.

Don't be surprised if a part of you misses giving care. I did, and I was likewise exhausted.

You were able to give your dad a tremendous gift -- to die at home, with his loved ones close at hand, and with his pain controlled. You were able to stay strong while caring for your dad when probably what you most wanted to do was collapse.

(((Hugs)))



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/10/2017 07:54PM by summer.

My sincerest condolences Greyfort.

It is a rotten "club" to join.

I joined it just a few years ago myself.

From diagnosis to death my Dad had 5 days.

It was not enough time to catch up and thank him for a lifetime of memories.

He had been somewhat stabilized.

I left him for a short period of time.

I missed his passing...it is one of my biggest regrets ever that I wasn't there holding his hand as he left us.

I wish You and Yours peace & light during this difficult time.

Or so it seems to me...

My condolences.

My deepest sympathies to you. Your love and final gift to your father were beautiful.

Thank you for being there for your dad. Timing. Who can tell? I had under a month with my husband before the end. It was very hard. I get it!
My condolences. Now is the time to rest and contemplate and adjust. It will be a whole new path.
Wish you the best.

Greyfort, I am so terrible sorry. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

Keep your precious memories as measure of comfort and a reminder of his love.

I am so sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking to lose him so quickly.

I'm so sorry Greyfort. In some small way, I felt your grief reading your post. Love to you.

(((((HUGS)))))

I'm so sorry

So very sorry for your loss of your dad, and for what you went through with/for him near the end. I was with my Dad when he died, too--but it was in a nursing home. He was in a semi-coma the last two days, but I told the doctor I wanted him to have morphine, since there was no way for us to know if he was in pain or not. The night before he died, the evening shift nurses and aides all came into his room as they went off shift at 11:00, and said goodbye to him. They said different things, like, "Hey, Bill--I may not see you again, buddy, so just want you to know that it has been a joy and a pleasure knowing you and helping to care for you. Godspeed, my friend." Each one said a loving goodbye to my daddy, who was in a coma, but as we have all been told, the hearing is the last thing to go. One young woman told him, "Bill, you have been my all-time favorite patient. I loved getting to know you and care for you. I hope they appreciate you as much where you're headed as we did here--and I'm sure they will!" He might have preferred to be at home, with his beloved cats, but I was very touched at the way they all took the time to come and say goodbye to him--because not only did they say it, they touched him, kissed his cheek or his forehead, squeezed his shoulder--made him feel their presence. The next day, as he was still dying, and seeming to take a long time about it, I started encouraging him, and saying things like, "Daddy, I know that you are afraid to leave me because you think I will fall apart like I did when Mother died, but I promise you I won't. I'll be strong like you have always been. If you have a date with Mother, don't keep her waiting too long. I'll be okay. I'm sorry the kids (my kids) couldn't be here today, but they want you to know they are thinking of you and loving you. You have been the best dad a girl could ever have. You always had my back, and I love you more than you could ever know. But I'll be okay, daddy." And then because I had heard that sometimes those dying wait until the relatives go to eat or whatever, and then quickly die while they're gone so they don't have to see it (thinking, I suppose, that they are doing their family a favor), I told my sister "Let's step out in the hall for a few minutes in case Daddy wants a little privacy. There have been people in and out of this room constantly." She said okay, and kissed him, and said, "We'll be back soon, Daddy." We started toward the door and I heard him take a breath, and I turned back to the bed and kissed him on the forehead and said, "I love you, Daddy." And he didn't take another breath. He was gone. I kissed him just as he died. And I was so grateful to have been there, with him, because my mother died alone in the hospital before we could get there, and I always regretted that she had to die alone.

You did your dad a wonderful service and helped him so much more than you may ever know. I am sorry for the grief work you are facing, and hope that you and your mother will be able to take care of each other--that's what your dad would want. Sincere sympathy. For those of us who had great dads, losing him is so, so, SO hard. Hugs to you. He'll always be there, in your heart and in your dreams and in your memories.

Thank you everyone. You're wonderful. *HUGS* right back.

Today is pretty rough.

My heart goes out to those who can understand what I am going through because they've been there.

Oh, my, this is so sad to hear. Thank you for taking such good care of your father. And thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

I hope that you will recover and always remember the good things about your father, and also what a fine child you have been. Best wishes for finding comfort and peace.

Be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot. I'm glad he is not suffering. Best thoughts.

My condolences to you and your family. It definitely bring back memories of when I went through the same loss.

So sorry Greyfort.

I have a very good idea of what you just went through as we just lost one of the circle of our friends the same way. 15 days from start to finish. We were shocked at how fast it happened.

Giant hugs.

It has been an extremely emotional day. My sister and I took my Mom to the funeral home and made all of the necessary arrangements.

My sister took my 13-year-old niece to the dentist, where I think they removed a few teeth in preparation for her getting braces. They put in a few stitches. It's the first time that my niece has ever received a needle at a dentist visit.

After the procedure, they were standing at the Reception desk and suddenly my niece fainted and hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. My sister said she just crumpled to the floor with a huge thud.

She turned her daughter over and found that her eyes were just wide open. It was a moment of pure horror. My sister said that it took about 20 minutes for her to fully come to again. She was completely out cold.

Tomorrow, my niece has an appointment with the Toronto Sick Kids Hospital to prepare for heart surgery. It's just one more stress on my sister's plate. After that faint, I'm glad that her appointment is tomorrow though. One half of her heart has been enlarging. When my sister tried to reschedule the appointment, due to everything that we've been going through, the hospital said, "No. You need to come in."

It's awful times for my family right now.

Very sorry to hear about your loss.

Best wishes to you Greyfort. If my daughter were to do and say such nice things for me I would die a happy man.

I'm sorry for your loss.

My story is similar to yours. My Father died at home in hospice care after a rapid decline. I was there for his death. It was very hard to take at the time, but in retrospect, I am glad I was there as it gave me the chance to say goodbye.

Grieve hoewever you need to for as long as you need to. It will get better with time, but the loss never completely goes away. Reading your post does bring back the memories. I agree with the above posters that you need to make sure to take care of yourself.

You have my deepest sympathy and I wish you peace and conmfort.

Thank you again everyone.

I'm sorry. I wish you comfort.

Dear girl, my dad died in 1980 in just 2 and a half weeks when we expected more like 3 months. I spent the last night with my dad and called a Hospice Nurse. My mom had not slept for so long. She came over at 3:am and helped me with the Morphine shot. She suggested I tell him I loved him and my brother and I would take care of mom. He passed with my brother and mom together and I just feel it was partly because of the calm and morphine that he had the night before,

I want you to not make the mistake I have made since 1980 and not looking at his pictures and crying as I should have. You need to grieve. The Hospice Nurse told us as she left "do not forget to cry". I did. I am making the same mistake now that We have lost our 8 year old granddaughter after 6 long years of Brain Cancer. I come from a family that believes crying is weakness. Thank God my son does not believe it. (I hope) Don't YOU believe it.

My heart and thoughts are with you, Greyfort. Everyone here was so kind and supportive when my mother passed away. It is a heart-wrenching experience to care for a loved one who knows they are dying. I found the following reflections to be very comforting for me.

~ The Extraordinary Gift ~

I could indeed try to wrap my body around that infinite absence. I could take her death as a gift, as this thing that was offered me out of supreme generosity and have it run through my veins, my thoughts, my loves, my being, my becoming, through my dreams and imagination. She gave me this experience, this awful, inevitable, exquisite, horrible experience of how one leaves this earth and I could make the most of it.

To bear witness a loved one’s death is an extraordinary gift. It’s a gift from the person, to allow you to be there as they transform into something else. To be shown death! To be shown how to die! What greater gift is there? How else are we to learn of death? How else are we to know its ways, its ugliness, its stench, its beauty, its horror? From watching those we love — our fathers and sisters and, sometimes, our children — die.

Being intimate with death — especially of someone you love — offers the possibility of transformation, of reckoning, of learning to be neither oblivious nor afraid but to be present with death. I’m saying that witnessing this kind of death can be an extraordinary gift rather than just a loss.

~ Daniel Coffeen ~

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your dad happened to die on the third anniversary of my dad's death. My dad has been on my mind lately. Like your dad, mine also died rather unexpectedly. He had his gall bladder removed in an emergency surgery and never recovered from the anesthesia. I went from hearing that he'd be alright and that gall bladder surgery is a simple thing, to having to rush home to Virginia from Texas to say goodbye. It was very surreal. I can only imagine it's surreal for you, too.

I wish you much peace and comfort during this time. Although I don't know you or your dad, I remember what it was like for me three years ago and I sympathize. It sounds like you were a wonderful daughter to him, especially during the last days when he needed you the most.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/11/2017 03:06AM by knotheadusc.

You were a dutiful daughter who cared for your dad before he passed away. I am sure he couldn't have asked for anything better or a better daughter.

Continued thank yous to everyone. There were many times when the rest of my family couldn't handle it and I was left alone to care for him. It was a very lonely feeling. I finally had to say, "I feel like I'm the last man (woman) standing here," and they tried their best to stand up again.

The worst part, which keeps making me cry, is how frightened he was. He was so scared and that just kills me. My wonderful Dad was so frightened and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to protect him. It makes me cry just to type that. It was horrible to know he was frightened.

And then there's my brother. My sister and I are so angry with him. When my Dad first went into the hospital, my brother had called him while he was in there. When they suddenly released my Dad without warning, when we had nothing in place to be able to care for him at home, my brother wanted to call and blast the hospital. Gratefully my sister took charge with that one and a very wonderful friend of hers, who is a nurse practitioner, called in the cavalry and got things set up for us. We never could have done this without her help. She made everything possible.

I had texted my brother to say that I needed someone to lean on and he said, "Lean on me. You lean on me."

But then he just disappeared. While my Dad lay there dying, wondering where his son was, my brother was nowhere to be found. He stopped texting me. He didn't e-mail. He didn't phone to even just ask how my Dad was. He tried to say, "Oh, I lost my phone," and my Mom bought it. I said, "Sorry, so he lost his computer too? His girlfriend doesn't have a phone?" Sorry, no. I'm not buying that one.

I texted him to say that my Dad's brother had died. Nothing. No condolences to my Dad whatsoever. I texted him to say that if he wanted to see my Dad, then now was the time to come, because he didn't have long. That was on Friday. My Dad died on Sunday. Nothing.

My Dad has been the only person to champion that jerk throughout the years. When my brother was drunk at a party, my Dad went, put him over his shoulder, and brought him home. He has bailed him out of jail. He has given my brother thousands and thousands of dollars over the years. He was never paid back.

And when my Dad needed him the most, he was nowhere to be found. My Mom called him to tell him that my Dad has died and he's all like, "Oh, I'll come right down. I love you Mom." "I love you too, son." *barf*

I am sure that my mother has to be extremely hurt and angry at him as well, but she's treating him well because no matter what he did to my Dad, he still loved him. My mother is doing it for my Dad. My sister and I are having a difficult time with the idea of making nice with my poor devastated brother (sarcasm). We are so angry.

As my sister said, "How could he do this to Dad?!"

Well, now he has lost his champion, so what is he going to do now? He will never, ever have a clue of what we just went through, or how my beautiful Dad suffered. Never.

I'm not sure how I'm going to forgive this one. He may well have permanently damaged his relationship with me and my sister. That was one slap-in-the-face to my Dad too many.

Last Christmas, he said he was coming for Christmas. We hadn't seen him in 4 years. He didn't show up. Not a word of warning. Not a word of an explanation. Just didn't show up. My parents were so excited to see him and they were crushed - again, by him.

Family dynamics are interesting to try and manage through a stressful time like this.

Sad for your loss, Greyfort. I am sorry I cannot find better words in these situations... You did good, you were brave. Take care of yourself. Hugs from Germany.

I am so sorry. Yes, that was way too fast and I can understand your difficulty processing it. Obviously your father had to have been a wonderful person to raise a daughter like you. Love to you and your family.

I am so sorry.
May loving memories help you at this time.

I understand loss.....I understand the shock & helplessness you feel.
I lost my husband to cancer......I was his caregiver full time for 18 months but he did pass away in the hospital......but not until all of his kids & grandkids arrived to say good bye.
Then he was ready. My daughter & I were with him. Later than morning we were all there.........that's when it was peaceful.

Sending hugs & loving thoughts to you & your family.
Anon sometimes K

So sorry for your loss. I hope you are getting the love and support that you will need. Take care of yourself. You were there with him and that is important for the both of you, not everyone can do that.

Loving and caring for your dad as you did will give you peace as you realize you did everything possible to comfort him. No regrets. He knew you were there by his side which gave him comfort on a level that can't be described.

He was not alone.

I am so sorry you experienced such a sudden loss. I understand the feeling as I lost a parents suddenly in a tragic traffic accident.

I couldn't say good bye or even an 'I love You".

I am grateful you had what little time was gifted to you.
Please take care of your own health and know many have you in their mind and hearts.

Love to you, your Mom, your sister, niece and family xxx

I"m so glad you all have each other, and that you were able to be there for your lovely Dad in his time of need.

So sorry to hear your sad news.

Greyfort, my deepest and sincerest condolences on such a profound loss that you were not prepared for. Not that being prepared for it makes it any better or easier, though.

Be kind to your self in the coming days and months. No big or major decisions for a while too.

Thank you for so many kind thoughts.

My niece must have open-heart surgery in September. They will replace her pulmonary valve with a pig valve and repair another valve which doesn't close.

My father died at home, too. That's the way he wanted it.

I remember standing at my bedroom window, staring out at the hearse in the driveway, wishing as hard as my 15-year-old heart could wish that it would disappear, and that Daddy would come home - the wonderful guy with the rosy cheeks and eyes full of mischief.

(((HUGS))) to you and your remaining family.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry that you lost your Dad so young. That's so unfair and so not right.

For me, the unfairness is that something so horrible happened to my wonderful Dad. I keep going around saying, "It's not right. It's not right! That never should have happened to my Dad."

We love and we are loved and there's nothing that we can do about the fact that we will lose those we love and leave those who love us.

This sucks, big time. I just want my Dad. *tears*

I think it will be some time before it finally sinks in that he's not just in the hospital or something, or on a trip. He's not coming back. How am I supposed to get my brain around that one? Right now, I just can't.

Love and light to you and your family. You've done good, now take care of yourself. Give yourself time and patience to heal. Your Daddy is in your heart. He never leaves you.

Very very sorry for your loss. That sounds awful. No fun to lose those we love, but worse when so suddenly and unexpectedly.:(

So sorry!

Hugs!

Thank you everyone.

Susan, I guess with dementia, you knew it could only get much worse and she was spared that. You hate the situation, but know there's not a doggone thing you can do about it, which is a very helpless feeling.

So sorry for your loss. Remembering the good times will help you heal.

My condolences to you and your mom. You have some wonderful memories and I hope you can reflect on them often. Hugs

Thank you.