I was talking yesterday with a friend who is about to send her son on a mission. She is concerned about him being able to complete his mission, because acording to her "there are many missionaries returning home early for a variety of reasons" including medical, worthiness, lost of testimony or the missionaries just wanting to go home.
What do you know about that? Does anyone have more info about this?

Sounds like all is not well in Zion.
Also sorry for the sorrow this brings all around.

Also, that vetting is not being practiced like it should be.

Missionaries and their parents are too wrapped up in getting adoration from local mormons. They need to find out what's going on in the area where the missionary is assigned and refuse to send them off if they're expected to face extreme danger or squalor.

Nice areas in the US can also be poorly run to the point of putting missionaries at risk.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> They need to find out what's going on in the area where the
> missionary is assigned and refuse to send them off if they're
> expected to face extreme danger or squalor.

This, unfortunately, goes counter to the "gain adoration from the
ward." Mormonism considers lock-step obedience the greatest
virtue. To second-guess a missionary calling would be to
publicly "doubt the Lord." That would bring nothing but scorn.

Completely anecdotal, but three of the last five missionaries from my stake in Sandy, Utah have come home early. I've been out for too long to be part of the gossip circle so I don't know the reasons.

I've also noticed missionaries returning home early, at least among my FB acquaintances. The two recent returnees that come to mind are from wealthy TBM families. One went to Alabama and the other to South Korea. Both had separation anxiety from their cushy lives at home.

I can think of several reasons missionaries come home early today that weren't factors in the 80s when I was a missionary.

1. Immaturity. When the missionary age was 19, most young men had experienced a year away from home while in college and learned a little independence, including how to cook, clean, and make decisions. Embarking on a mission just after high school without the important year of independence is too much of a shock for eighteen year olds who've never been away from mommy and daddy, and who have never had to do a load of laundry.

2. Knocking on doors to find people is no longer allowed in many areas. Knocking on doors was 90% of what I did on my mission, and although it totally sucked more than just about anything I've ever done in my life, it wasn't as bad (for me, at least) as walking up to strangers in a park or on the street and harassing them. Robotically knocking on door after door in a high-rise apartment building, where almost no one answered the door, at least felt like we were somewhat accomplishing something, especially since we carried a binder with us where we'd record the address and mark if someone had answered the door. I felt like a door to door salesman, LOL! I don't think missionaries know what to do with themselves today. I once followed the elders in my town, where knocking on doors is not allowed, and watched them walk up and down the downtown street without talking to anyone. They just wandered aimlessly and then sat on a bench looking dejected and worn out. It must totally suck and be incredibly depressing - just like my mission!

3. The internet. When I was a missionary in a european country I was a curiosity. Many people had heard of the Mormons but didn't have the internet to research further. Talking to the missionaries was the easiest way to learn more. Now, with the invention of the internet, there's no reason to talk to the missionaries, especially after reading the damning information about their crazy religion!

I don't know how anyone survives a mission today, and there's no way it's worth the approx. $10,000 expense for each missionary, as far as finding converts go. I think it's mostly a rite of passage or brain washing tool for the LDS church to retain young, impressionable members. I certainly hope it's backfiring.

The important thing is that they are returned missionaries. Those Mormon-making uteri can't be left empty.

It was hard enough when kids were going on missions at 19 and 20 after a first or second year in college living away from home. Now they are asking young kids to go right out of high school, denied that first year of college or job. It is harder on the finances (kid can't work for a year) and much harder on the poor little boy. word on the street is that only 40% finish their missions, and of returned missionaries some 60% remain in the church. so I guess the church thinks that's worth it. Missionary efforts have not been about converting people for a long time. Now missions are totally about brain washing the boys and hoping they will stay.

I hate it when Mormons say "worthiness" issue.

I think part of it is they are not ready to live the united order.

Forcing them to live below the poverty line and relying on charity for food has to be an eye opener.

Coming home early was extremely rare back when I was a missionary. During the entire two years of my mission (40 years ago) only one missionary was sent home early. Apparently, he was from a small town in Utah, and had done very little travelling. When he showed up in a crowded city of millions of people in Asia, he had culture shock (to say the least). He never learned the language, and soon gave up even trying. He asked to go home, but the mission president was determined that he fulfill his “divine” calling. When a new president came in, he didn’t want any missionaries that didn’t want to be there, and he promptly sent him home. Everyone in the mission (including those who never met him) knew all about this Elder. Everyone was shocked that someone would be sent home early.

Things have really changed over the years. I’m tempted to say that things have changed for the better, but anyone coming home early has had a bad (and possibly harmful) experience.

There was also one missionary in my mission who became seriously ill (he almost died). My MP assigned me to visit him in the hospital on the last evening of my mission. Even he wasn’t sent home. When he had recovered sufficiently, he was sent to a stateside mission. He was transferred to the mission where I lived in the U.S. I saw him at a stake priesthood meeting shortly after I got home

Wouldn't it interesting to follow missionaries around and do a follow questionnaire after they talk to potential investigators?

"Oh, that pudgy, pimply little american mormon boy? He's not a very good representative for his religion. And the other boy? Smug, if you ask me."

Yes, that would be interesting.

I spoke with a never Mo friend of mine, Methodist, who let the missionaries into their home, took one discussion, and told them they weren't interested and not to come back. But the missionaries just kept coming back. My friend told me what a bad taste that left in their mouth and asked me how to "get off their list". I told them to stop being so polite and tell them to never return or they would contact the mission president. If that didn't work they would call the police the next time they came. That seemed to work.

A mission can promote quite a bit of anxiety. There are a few interrelated sets of issues that I experienced. For me it was just stressful and confusing, but I can easily see it to the point where you have a clinically diagnosable mental health disorder.

1. Unrealistic expectations linked to worthiness: Just about every one of our zone conferences (especially under my first mission president) was organized around an unrealistic baptism goal, which based on past performance was outrageous. We never met these goals, or even came close (this was Germany after all). But they would just wash, rinse, and repeat. This can make you feel really bad as a missionary. Somehow, you just can't quite do it. Now, that just means you are a normal human being. The people who were the most successful Morg salesmen in our mission later made careers in the high pressure real estate investment seminar business--go figure. Most of us are just not cut out for that sort of thing.

However, in the LDS theory of how the world works there's a different explanation. A worthy missionary will have the spirit, and testify with the spirit. The person on the street will feel said spirit, and testify to the truth of what the missionary is saying. Now, these rules are crazy and nobody will keep them all. So, the missionary can easily rationalize a lack of success as a result of their unworthiness, disobedience, etc.--rather than people in that area just don't give a hoot about Mormonism, or even religion in general. This is further exacerbated by the fact that the high pressure salesmen types often don't keep the rules--and yet baptize people. Cognitive dissonance alert!

Missionaries don't often realize the reason people aren't "buying" has to do with their product. It stinks! Only the most aggressive salespeople, who have no reservations about putting pressure on people, will succeed.

This dynamic can really damage a person's self-esteem and self-confidence.

2. At that age a person is still trying to form their identity as an adult, and the LDS Church is trying very much to mold that identity. Missionaries are expected to behave with "quiet dignity." Quiet dignity is for retired ladies and gentlemen--not 18 - 21 year olds. The message is don't have fun, don't think for yourself, do as we say. At some level, the LDS Church is at odds with some facet of many peoples' personality.

3. Coming home early, particularly in heavily Mormon communities, is embarrassing and even considered disgraceful by some people. This is true, even when the reasons for early return are perfectly legitimate. Unless you were in a serious car accident or shot--there's not much understanding from some.

This creates intense pressure to stay--even if the missionary doesn't want to be there. This creates stress for everyone. Think about the companions and roommates of that kind of missionary.

Your friend is right to be concerned, but there is one factor to weigh above all others with someone contemplating going on a mission:

The LDS Church is not what it claims to be, so going on a mission for it is a monumental waste of time!

Well said snowball.

+1000

There's been a lot of excellent analysis and discussion so I began to wonder what I could add to it. Finally, I came to the realization that the missionary may suffer extreme solitaire and loneliness.

To begin with, they are isolated from their families. Weekly letters are encouraged to be unrealistically upbeat and faith promoting. Now I believe that the letters have been replaced by church monitored and or censored emails.

So who can the missionary turn to if he/she has problems, fears or doubts? A companion might be sympathetic, but will likely tattle. Who can he/she share with? Who can be trusted? Certainly not the MP.

I was I'll prepared for separation from my family at the MTC. My experience further exasperated by being assigned to a jerk for a companion. This guy wouldn't talk to me. It wasn't only small talk, he stopped talking to me altogether. The other set of elders in my room thought it was funny that I had an invisible companion. The #1 rule at the MTC was to always be with your companion. Well this dude walked everywhere by himself. After 2 weeks of his hijinks, I fessed up to our communication failure during a weekly ppi. The crotchety branch president was furious...at me. He blamed me for all the problems. This was only the beginning.

Most companies send their best, brightest and most experienced to do the tough jobs that really matter. That increases the chances of success by many fold.

Sending kids straight out of high school on missions, straight from their homes where they were coddled,clothed and fed and had their techno devices and never had to fend for themselves or really understand what the world is all about is like putting a horse in a race with hobbles on.

On top of that most were raised to believe they were the supreme race, special, even God's elite. And they arrive in a world where no onE is impressed. No one sees them as special. In fact, many wish they made "fly paper for Mormon missionaries," and you have a pretty dismal start to your adult life.

The product you are selling door to door sucks. You can't explain it. You are not prepared to defend it because you don' know that much about it yourself. All you can do is proclaim that is is "really really great!" And then you go home to a hero's welcome knowing inside that it "wasn't all that" and you most likely baptized no one or did any good. You know down deep no matter how much you lie to yourself.

And adults are sending their children to do this, this waste of time. This emotional turmoil. This larceny. All to impress the other adults so they can brag they have an RM in the family.

Sickening.

Going out and knocking on door after door after endless door and trying to convince already happy people, that they could become happier if they gave up 10% of their paycheck, sacrificed their weekends of being with their families to perform smothering religious duties from endless callings, alienate themselves from extended family and friends, and maybe getting the privilege to go to a building that looked like a bowling trophy, to learn to pantomime disemboweling themselves while dressed up as the Pillsbury Dough Boy, is a tough sell.

I became aware of the almost demi-god status of missionaries soon after I married my wife. It was about the same time that I heard from my wife, and others in her ward, almost reverential references to some Brother Smith being a "Returned Missionary".

Maybe it's that I was already a middle-aged man when I was first exposed to it, but I didn't give a rat's ass that some kid in a suit was an "Elder"...he was still an immature kid insisting that I believe crap that's obviously false.

I was likewise unimpressed by the RMs. Again, maybe it's that I was exposed to them as an ex-Catholic, nevermo atheist; but it is difficult to stop myself from snickering at these preening wannabe gods posing as big fish in a little ward pond.

It occurs to me that what I'm trying to say is that these teenage boys would be better served getting out in the world, learning how it really works, being productive, and having something to show for it at the end of the day.

That would impress me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/21/2017 10:39AM by nyetmo.

I like your viewpoint. All I got out of the mission was a late start in life and I was already behind from being raised super Mormon in the first place.

I do want to clarify that with the exception of one particular missionary, I had no problem with the kids themselves. I understood before I even heard from former missionaries that they probably didn't want to be standing on countless doorsteps trying to peddle a product nobody wanted.

As long as they were happy to discuss anything but the church, I am happy to chat with them about their families, interests, and future plans. I've offered education advice and career insights for those who needed it, and encouraged those who already had plans that are just waiting for when they go home.

As much as I dislike what the church teaches and how they use this unpaid, unprepared sales force; the last thing I want to do is add to their woes by busting their chops every time my wife invites them over for dinner. I'd like to think that I, even as harsh critic of the church, can provide a brief respite from their ordeal.

Sneaking treats, inviting them in, offering rides are ways of supporting the mormon church. It doesn't help missionaries except in a temporary way. The mormon church mistreats its missionaries because it attracts outsiders to be involved in the cause of trying to help them. As long as a few of them get help off and on, the system will continue to harm the majority.

I disagree, Cheryl. Kindness is always welcome.

Having served a very difficult mission, I will always be grateful for the kindness of nevermos (and TBMs), especially those who fed me.

To nyetmo, thank you for your kindness. I am sure it is appreciated.

Nevermos bailed you out here and there. What a scam.

I don't see how the church mistreating missionaries could ever justify similar mistreatment from me. We are simply providing a home where they can hang out and relax for a couple hours every other week. I really don't give a damn whether a small kindness to missionaries will somehow help the mormon church.

The missionaries know that I will never convert, though every new set gives it a shot; and once they realize that they are getting nowhere with me, we all settle into a pleasant conversation about anything but the church while enjoying my wife's cooking.

Isn't it also better that I provide a good example as a non-member than to act belligerently and possibly reinforce whatever misconceptions they may have about atheists and other non-believers?

At the end of the day, the only added new members will be the ones who are born into the religion and having received their daily dose of mind control.
There will be a shift for missionaries to run the day to day administration of the functions of the church and that is all.
It will be a win win. RM's get their prize, a bride. The 15 will brag that very few are coming home early. That is my revelation. So it is written so let it be done

You might be right. You could get them off the streets and still make them think they are working hard just by being busy. They could swell mission home bureaucracy to 5 times what is needed. Make every Mission a work mission and increase the logistics that go with it. Everyone would still have to do a few hours a week of old fashion proselytising of course.

a few months ago. They declared his mission completed successfully (the leaders did). The mission president had tried to keep him there by keeping him in the mission home. They finally sent him to a psychologist who was not mormon and that person said HE NEEDS TO GO HOME. He had lost somewhere around 50 pounds and he didn't need to lose any weight. He was in a very nice mission, a mission that many people would love to go to.

My friend understands that he was pretty shocked by mission life and by leaders, but he hasn't had a really good chance of talking to him. His parents have him very carefully protected and they have him constantly participating in church activities such as going to the temple. Their last adventure was the SL temple, where his younger brother was indoctrinated so he could serve his mission soon.

His younger brother's call was a long time in coming. All his friends had their calls weeks before this brother. The brother was called to a fairly local mission, although not in Utah. Seems the leaders wanted to make sure they didn't have another problem.

This kid comes from a very wealthy family. Lives in a gated community with a well known mormon celebrity. It was a huge embarrassment to his parents that their son did so poorly on his mission.

My kids are past mission age now, but they had a lot of their friends leave their missions. One walked out the door of the mission home and disappeared for a month.

Another problem I see is when they come home, MANY are not prepared for what they come home to. They expect some kind of miracle to happen in their lives and they pretty much have to pick up the pieces of what is left.

C12, missionaries are promised that when they come home they'll have their lives figured out. After studying scriptures, learning a new language and memorizing discussions, they're taught in the MTC that school post mission will be super, duper easy! They're also taught that employers love to hire returned missionaries because of their work ethic and that missionaries will be rewarded with their eternal companion once they've served a faithful mission. Ha! None of those things happened to me after "serving" a faithful mission where I followed all the rules. Looking back, the only thing the mission taught me was how to endure horrible jobs without quitting. I'm really good at enduring situations and jobs I should walk away from, but I've got that "endure to the end" mentality I became expert at after knocking on doors for 9 hours a day. Thanks LDS Inc.!

I think the blame for this goes to the liars and to the parents of the missionaries, not to nevermos who have their own families, jobs and issues to cope with. Nevermos don't owe mormons any kind of excessive consideration or support. Pretending they do is another lie the missionaries must absorb.

I heard that depression is one major reason why people get send home.

I agree with Texmo, The biggest thing I got from my mission was the willingness and ability to stick things out, long after I should have went home. The hardest part wasn't the gentiles, it was the other missionaries, most of who really didn't want to be there but who stayed anyway, for the wrong reasons. So my whole job for nearly two years was wasted time other than my learning how to endure various different types of abuse while still keeping my sanity..

Part way through, I realized that if I can get along with this asshole companion and not punch his lights out (I don't believe in violence but some situations came close), that any woman I end up merrying (I am straight), would be infinitely easier to live with. Ironically, it worked because almost nothing bothers me anymore. But I still didn't find happiness until after leaving the church.

Agree with your experience azsteve. Strangely, being told to f*@koff 50 times a day and ocassionally being mocked on the street didn't bother me nearly as much as other asshole missionaries and mentally abusive mission leaders who basically told us all that what we did on our missions would haunt us the rest of our lives.

What. A. Mind. F@*k.

"Worthiness?" Seriously? They're only 18, and couldn't be more "worthy." What they are is unqualified. Woefully so. And wet behind the ears, and lonely, and scared. Which leads to depression and anxiety, which leads to inability to cope.

I've noticed on Facebook all the ones who come home have depression and/or anxiety. I'm thinking there is a big increase in this, probably from sending them off younger.

My ex-wife's son came home early and soon after told his family he was gay. They lived in an isolated, rural Utah town. He had to leave in order to allow his family to live without shame.

I've actually witnessed a hint of this in Minnesota. A few months ago one of my nephews announced that he was gay about the time that he should have been submitting his mission forms. The fact that he was gay wasn't really a surprise to anybody, and as long as nobody said anything everybody was happy to pretend he wasn't.

Among the usual reactions one could expect, my BIL said to his son, "Couldn't you have just kept your mouth shut until you got back from your mission?"

To his credit, my nephew responded, "That's just it, I never wanted to waste two years of my life on a mission for a religion I didn't believe."

And finally, just this past weekend, my SIL invited a friend from their ward over for a BBQ since it's been literally months since they got together. The "friend" declined, saying that she couldn't because it would be uncomfortable to around my nephew due his "situation". My SIL asked if it was because he was gay or that he wasn't going on a mission. The answer from this "friend", who is descended from "pioneer stock", was, "Both."

My son only had one friend who returned home from a mission due to stress. She won't talk about it. He had another friend who did not believe in the church at all and only went because his mother got hysterical, crying, family pressure from others members etc. He also got an interesting, foreign mission call. So he went and spent the first 6 months threatening to leave, dumping on my son about how miserable it was via e-mail, saying my son was the only person he could tell the truth to because of the rules about only sending uplifting letters home.

After about 6 months this guy settled down and just decided to survive it - even sounding pretty Peter Priesthood in some e-mails. My son was very worried about the generic nature of those e-mails. But the elder comes home in a month or so and is starting to rejoice about being free, worry about what he is going to do in a world where every minute of the day isn't scheduled (his words) and looking forward to returning from the dead (my son's description). Hopefully he will be able to get as much of himself back as possible, as soon as possible, after being literally forced thru extreme emotional manipulation to go in the first place.

I always wanted to remind the mother that forcing people to be good was Satan's Plan, if you believe what Mormons teach.

I also wanted to mention that I have one really good friend whose sons' missionary homecomings I've attended. Usually I won't go but this is probably my best Mormon friend so in her case, I make an exception.

However all her kids have mentioned how lazy, unmotivated and selfish their investigators are. Like the reason they had few baptisms is that no one wants to work hard to excel via the Mormon Plan of Salvation. Only the best of the best want to be LDS, apparently, and those lazy investigators weren't good enough to succeed at it, so they weren't interested in trying. Or so her sons say ...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2017 03:51PM by CA girl.

Back in my day...If someone was depressed, wanting to go home or having questions/issues; they'd send them out in the country somewhere where there was little to no contact with the mission home or society in general. Also given it was a foreign country; you had no one to talk to, especially if they gave you a local comp.

Speaking of my day, at what point did it become 'cool' for sisters to go on missions? Are they coming home early in the same vane as the guys? Also, do they still ask the girls in their pre-interview and at their monthly PPI's about marriage prospects and then send them home to get married?