Hey Y'all...It's been awhile since we've beaten-down this topic!

How 'bout it for the Newbies!

Here's mine...

Walking The Tightrope: The Fine Art Of Prevarication
By Gordon B. Hinckley

Or so it seems to me...

Dr. Selflove
Or...how I learned to stop worrying and love masturbation.

By Boyd K. Pecker

'Give Brother Joseph A Break'

---by Neil L. Andersen

"Annotated History of Central American tapir-drawn sleds mistakenly called chariots in the Book of Mormon."

By Daniel H. Tapirson

"The Miracle of Forgetfulness" by any church approved historian

This made me laugh. It most definitely is destined to become the most necessary part of the Mormon canon.

"Ignorance Really Is Bliss--The Art of Doubting"

By Dieter Uchtdorf

"How to make your little factory a big factory" Boyd K. Packer

"Faith Promoting Fiction, volumes 1 to 900" by any of them

"Your Mom told you its true, how dare you question it you terrible child" by anyone in the Primary presidency

"How to be racist, sexist and homophobic, and feel self-righteous about it" Boyd Packer

"I don't care what the facts show, I know its true", by Judge Dallin Oaks

"Ignore Science", by Dr. Russell Nelson

"Real estate investment the Jesus way", by the presiding bishopric

Date: 07/22/2017 07:5pm RFM

"GET OUT OF THE MORMON CHURCH" (Or, We'll Get You Out - Quick)

"How To GET OUT OF THE MORMON CHURCH Now"! (Or Later!) [Or Never]

"How To GET OUT OF THE MORMON CHURCH Before It Gets EVERYTHING Out Of You"/ Your Family

"How To GET The HELL OUT Of The MORMON CHURCH" (Sorry, there is no way - it's its main basis)

"How To GET OUT OF THE MORMON CHURCH In One Piece" (without problems from members, family or the church at large) [and on the loose]

How To GET rich in THE MORMON CHURCH - enrich it! Suckers!!

"How To GET OUT OF THE MORMON CHURCH Quickly, Safely and Soundly"

"YOU Eventually Have TO GET OUT of the MORMON CHURCH” (but YOU'LL NEVER Get Out Of It What You Put Into It)

“ The LDS ‘church‘ Is Of The Devil”

“ Sorry, We Forgot To Tell You, IT ISN’T ‘TRUE’” (we were going to remember but we didn't)

The church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints is NOT TRUE… Never Was, Never Will Be

M@t

My sacred secret life with Joseph Fielding Smith by Elder Hugh G Rection.

How I coaxed Brigham Young jr. out of they closet and into my bed by Elder Heywood Jablome.

5000 Ways to Enjoy Scrubbing Our Toilets

Don't Blame Me For NO Revelation;
It's Not My Fault I Was Just Next In Line To The Throne...

By Thomas S. Monson

"Satisfying the Needs of Widows" by Thomas S. Monson

"Being a Dick Even if Your Name's Not Richard" by David Bednar

"My Life as a Sedated Mortician" by Richard G. Scott

"1001 Aviation Metaphors to Spice Up Any Presentation." by Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Feigning Erudition through Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness" by Neal A. Maxwell

"Blacks--God's Inferior Children" by Harold B. Lee

"Jews--God's Inferior Children" by Reuben J. Clark

"The Art of Footnote Fantasy" by Hugh Nibley

"Osiris is Abraham and Up is Down" by Kerry Muhlestein

"How You and Your Dentist Can Help Build Temples" by James E. Faust

Where's the "laughing out loud" emoji? Cause I am.

There Is Nothing Here - We Told You That - KEEP LOOKING!

What We Lure You In With Is Our Business. And Our Pleasure!

It’s Boring, Dead, Lame? What else is there? Don't Like It? Hate it? So what. Tough Luck! This Is What You Signed Up For. Remember?

It's Our Please To Deceive You!

Welcome To Mormonism - Where Nobody Feels (Comfortable) At Home!

Welcome To Mormonism - Why Are You Here?

Welcome To Mormonism - We're Closed!

Welcome To Mormonism - GOOD LUCK

Words Of Wisdom: EAT SHIT

Word Of Wisdom: anything free range but not out of range

FEELING LOST IN MORMONISM? It's Designed That Way.

Not Sure Which Leaders To Follow? None Of Them! They're ALL astray.

Mormonism Is A Black Hole - It's Also An Ass Hole! Want To Know More?

Our Missionaries Will Teach You All You Need To Know (which isn't much, because they don't know much) About ("returnal") Life [Inside The Mormon Church]

Inside The Mormon Church There Isn't Much [room to breathe] (CHOICE)

There Isn't Much We Aren't [trying to hide] Hiding

We're Better Than You And We Try To Show It!

Want FREE Agency? GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!

Free Agency? Where Do You Think You Are (a hotel)?

Mormons. What do we know? NOT Much/ We're Not Telling You.

We're Tired Of Telling You, They Disappeared. Dammit!

M@t



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/23/2017 12:44AM by moremany.

"The More Money You Make, The Higher Your Calling."

"A rolling stone's rolls in the hay" by Joseph Smith

"How to win any debate" by Martin Harris

"Never apologize" by Dallin Oaks

Cliff notes of moism...bow your head and say yes...well do what we dam please with your money...whew those toilets need some love...anyone found dead in an upright position will be dropped from the payroll...oh sorry there is no payroll and we never drop names from our list

The Seven Habits of Highly Disfunctional So-Called Apostles

"Upgrading Your Seer Stone" by Dieter D.Y.D. Uchtdorf

"How to deceive, in a monotone voice"

One Hundred Ways to Fleece Your Flock

"Lying For the Lord Because God Cannot" Boyd K Packer

"A DNA Analysis of Tapir Scat: A Witness from Shit." By Daniel Peterson's wannabe GA Boner.

"I'm Heterosexual. Really! Look, I Married a Woman!" by Spencer W. Kimball

The follow up to Mormon Doctrine - Mo Mo Doc , Moveable Mormon Doctrine.

Book of Mormon Key to Conversion post 1990 version - No Internet, Key to Conversion.

The new sponsor for Articles of Faith - Bank of America

"We're Not Racist (anymore)! We Have a Black Seventy."

"My Life as a Dodo" by Jeffrey R. Holland

"I don't know that we teach that: little flecks of history that we wanted you to forget." by Gordon B. Hinckley

"Attitude of Gratitude: Sappy, rhyming or alliterative stories that will make you give thanks for your barf bag." by Thomas S. Monson

"Reverse the Curse: How cursed races are turning white and delightsome" - Spencer W. Kimball with a special foreword by Michael Jackson

"More Crazy Bullsh__!" by Joseph Fielding Smith

"Why I am way better than you" by Bruce R. McConkie

"A Comprehensive Disclosure of All LDS Church Income, Assets, and Expenditures" by Bishop Gerald Causse

"Truly Useful Truths" by Boyd K. Packer

Spiritual purchasing of antique documents by GBH and Dallin Oaks

Effective Conflict Resolution by John D Lee

"Let's go shopping!"- And Other Modern Day Revelations by Tommy Monson



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/01/2017 06:30AM by druid.

Ice Cream- The new public health crisis by Elder O. Bese

"The Pointless Agony of Truth," by Jeffrey Holland.

"Elder Holland's new book describes the necessity, in this modern world of mouse-clicking and screen-swiping, of enhancing the art of muddling and obfuscating historical fact to bewilder and befuddle those who would bring down the church by addressing uncomfortable elements of its origins and history."

University of Chicago Press