Something's been bothering me for over 30 years and I'd like to hear your thoughts so I can have some closure.

When I was at Ricks college (now BYU Idaho) I had a teacher who took a fancy to me, probably because I was blonde and had a nice figure. I was very shy and I think he sensed my vulnerability because he asked me to stay after class and have a talk with him in his office. He said he was worried about me because I looked sad, and then he proceeded to interrogate me with personal questions the way men in positions of authority in the Mormon church tend to do. I answered all questions like I'd been groomed to do from a young age.

My teacher invited me to his house for family home evening that night. He was married with eight children. I was a little homesick and accepted his invitation.

When I arrived at his house his wife answered the door. I'll never forget the look of hurt on her face when she saw me. It seems that I wasn't the first pretty young woman her husband had brought home for dinner. I felt really sorry for her, the mother of his eight children.

I enjoyed having dinner with his nice family and afterwords we all went out to the sand dunes for family home evening. I spent a lot of time chatting with the teacher.

He was very friendly to me after that and dropped by my apartment a couple of times, enough so that my roommates started to tease me. I assured them that nothing inappropriate was happening. I was super TBM and would never even consider having an affair.

One day he invited me to McDonalds for a hamburger - just me and him. When he dropped me off at my apartment he held my hand, looked deeply into my eyes and told me that I was special. I was a little uncomfortable but ate up every word since I had low self esteem. While he was holding my hand my roommate walked by and teased me. The teacher was embarrassed and he never took me out again. He pretty much ignored me for the rest of the semester. I saw him in the school hallway chatting with another pretty blond young woman - - I'd been replaced!

Was it inappropriate (such a Mormon word) for my teacher to hold hands with me, a teenager, in his car and tell me that I was special, or was it perfectly okay and just a kind gesture? It's been bothering me for a long time.

Morg teaching emphasizes avoiding the appearance of evil.

He should have taken his wife out for a hamburger and held her hand.

You weren't at fault.

I read your story Swiss miss, and I'm glad that you weren't violated in some other way. In fact, part of me would like to scream at you and say, " Thank heavens that all this guy touched was your hand!"

Truth be told, he was grooming you to become a victim. It was very inappropriate for him to single you out, talk to you in the manner that he did, perhaps even make you feel uncomfortable.

30 years is a long time to carry this emotional baggage. You should write down your feelings in a letter to this person, and then burn the letter. I've done this with a few of my issues, and it did seem to help. I hope it does for you should you choose to try it.

Good luck to you!

This man was a predator.
Definitely a "spiritual" predator...and undoubtedy wanted to be a sexual predator.

His actions were way, way, outside of the bounds of a proper student-professor relationship.

In this case, DO NOT "doubt your doubts." Think your thoughts. They are valid. You are right. He was wrong. Without ANY question.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2017 07:17AM by gordongrant.

You do nothing wrong, I mean he was a TBM father of 8 children. It's logical that you didn't think that he was looking you that way.
And you are right, the man is a pig.

It was inappropriate.

It's not unusual for students to visit professors in their homes, but my experience is that you would be in a group of fellow students. You might go for a potluck, a wine and cheese party, etc. I had a very convivial French professor -- for most of us, we had taken more than one class from her. She liked to entertain students in her home. We would go, sit on her porch, drink wine, and chat in French. Fun!

Sometimes students do date their professors, and sometimes they get married. Normally you wouldn't want to date a professor as long as that professor is in a position of authority over you (i.e. you are taking a class from him, or expect to.) In my undergraduate years, I had one professor (who was single, and on an exchange from one of the Ivies) take an intense interest in me. He wrote comments on my papers that he wanted me quite urgently to come visit during office hours to discuss some point or another. I knew exactly what he was after, and had no interest in him, so I ignored his entreaties. He ended up giving me a fair grade for the course. There was another professor that I was interested in, but I chose not to pursue it.

In your case, the professor sensed your vulnerability and went after you. He's a womanizer. He was preying on you. The expression on his wife's face told you everything you needed to know.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2017 09:01AM by summer.

He probably wasn't a womanizer, but rather a girl-inizer. I think there's a difference.

Yeah, I went to my Latin/Greek professor's home several times, but he invited all his students and his wife was there along with his baby and a baby sitter to watch the kid.

thought it was him. He lived in Rexburg and had apartments. He would eat lunch at Rick's every day and check out the girls even when he was in his 80s. He was a bishop for a while and had picked out his "first wife." He told his wife that she would be #2 and this other woman would be his first wife.

My ex's mother told me that he dated others all through their marriage. They had A LOT of problems in their marriage and she threw him out many times.

He would visit the girls in his apartments and give them money and become close to some of them. The family had no idea how bad it was until after he died and he had kept copies of letters he had written to them.

None of the kid ever liked their father. He was picked up a few times for stalking young girls when he was in his 80s. I guess the grossest thing to me is that my kids were given his car after he passed away and my ex found a used condom in the car. We named the car "Old rubber."

He was kind of a creepy man. Reminds me of Warren Jeffs. He was just picking out his future wives. He would have done well in the FLDS.

And, yes, your teacher's actions were VERY INAPPROPRIATE. If he is still teaching at Rick's, I'd send a letter to them. I think I'd do it anonymously, but just to make them aware, although they probably already are and did nothing about it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2017 10:23AM by cl2.

Wow. I could see the asshole who was my bishop at Ricks 50 years ago doing that. He was BY's #1 fan.

You came within an inch of doing plygmy with a closet Briggs follower...that look on his wife's face is real common in plygmy...and the most heart wrenching thing joe ever pulled out of his ass...thousands of lives ruined...trust of thirty year marriages violated because joe justified multiple concubines...as we see the following guys like sniffer are getting...it merely shows an under current in moism that will never die...you need three wives for a chorum for the celestial tent...that's at least two heart broken women...and a third who can't sleep wondering when she'll be one upped...one thing plyg men never beg for though is....sex...likely because it was this and not gawd that caused the dam thing to begin with...Emma is an interesting Enigma

Oh what I meant to say...you dodged a bullet...many wanna be plygs are constantly on the prowl for that next wife...one old pecker I know with many sons has a Christmas party...the cost of admission is bring along a sweet young thing...at 65 he's still sniffing around...he's already talked a few into it...they are now the heart broken resigned to their fate women at home...seems he hasn't a lot of time for those already captured...these jokers honestly feel they are blessing a woman with the fullness of the gospel...I'll say this...they are full of something

Sir, if you need an editor for your manuscript, I will work for free. Itwould be an honor, and not a lot of work,bwcause you're a natural.

Oh, Elerolddog, no!

I love Trails end's posts! They are clear and visually beautiful! An entire manuscript would be wonderful!

That's what I'm saying! I am volunteering to work on his book!!!

:)

Phew! I thought you meant edit the punctuation!

Beautiful, isn't it?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2017 11:49PM by kathleen.

Trails end Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You came within an inch of doing plygmy with a
> closet Briggs follower...it merely shows an
> under current in moism that will never die...

> you need three wives for a chorum for the celestial
> tent...

This is new to me. Is three the magic, or starting, number of wives for exaltation to the CK?

I've heard somewhere that an LDS patriarch (BY?) said "A man with ten wives is ten times more likely to get exalted in the Celestial Kingdom" (or something to that effect). I've asked about this a couple of times, but will try once more: has anybody ever heard, heard of, or read such a sentiment?

before he can enter the CK.

He should have been fired.

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. It's kind of a silly little thing to be bothered about for so long. That teacher definitely was predatory. I didn't keep in touch with anyone from Ricks college or Rexburg, so I have no idea if he is still alive.

As others have said, this guy was grooming you and using his position to do so. I live several blocks from campus (BYUI) nd every once in a while, I hear things like this. This guy likely has many victims in his wake.

What a sadistic thing for this professor to do to his wife. Poor woman.

Yeah, eight kids and that's the thanks she gets.

When I was an undergrad at USU in the early 80s there was an English professor who taught honors seminars and attempted to bonk every young lass he ever taught. He lived together with one of the more gullible women he had student in years previous.


When I went to graduate school in the Mysterious East this was pretty much the norm among many professors. My wife had a professor who had a huge couch and rug in his office and there were many stories of him bonking his student TAs. The professor I worked with for my PHd had several young pretty undergraduates doing undergraduate research with him. One girl that I worked with I later found out had a reputation for sleeping with half of the department. She ended up being a professor herself in California and a very competitive school, she was very nice, but certainly wasn't one of the best candidates I'm sure.

YES!! Thank goodness he lost interest in you! He is/was a predator.

Contact Rick's College, if it isn't too late. That type of sexual predator NEVER changes. You can be sure that he is still doing these things to other students.

Yes, you were replaced! Many times over.

I had a psychology professor latch onto me, at BYU. He made me feel like I was more than just another body, and that I was brilliant! He was married with children, and I wouldn't let him get near me. It was my freshman year at BYU, and it was overwhelming. I was away from home, and I felt like a lonely ant on an ant hill full of clones--not special at all. I had completed high school in only two years, and the Honors Program wouldn't accept me because of that. I needed someone to make me feel intelligent, and make me feel accepted, and at home in that very peculiar BYU environment. Predators know how to choose their victims!

A lifetime later, I became friends with my son's high school counselor. She mentioned the same BYU psychology professor, and that he had come onto her, too. She and I actually looked alike! We compared notes, and he used the exact techniques on her--right down to some of the dialog! He promised her a TA position, had her help with experiments, etc., and influenced her career path in psychology. Luckily, other subjects interested me more, and I was extremely moral. My counselor friend was away from home for the first time, too, and her father had recently died, and she was an only child.

"Replacements."

If it bothered you for 30 years =feeling guilty you were doing something wrong. If he was married, you are off limits to this predator. Christ would label his behavior as "committing adultery in his heart."

I never felt guilty or felt that I had done anything wrong. Read my post again. I was a very naive and trusting teenager away from home for the first time, attending a church school where I thought the teachers were good TBMs and would never do anything inappropriate. When my teacher took an interest in me I thought he was just being kind. I did not flirt with him or encourage him. When he held my hand and told me how special I was I felt very uncomfortable but still didn't want to believe that a teacher at a church school would do anything to compromise me. My wiser roommate could see what was going on but I didn't want to believe her. My teacher finally backed off and didn't bother me again.

After I left the Mormon church and became aware of the brainwashing I'd been subjected to I thought more and more about my experience with my teacher at Ricks College and for some reason it has bothered me all these years - not because of anything I did, but because of what my teacher did.

Adults and children will sometimes suffer abuse without realizing it until they have been removed from the abusive situation or are older and have more life experience. My experience at Ricks College wasn't really abusive but it was creepy and predatory. If I'd had the sense to report my teacher back then I don't think any disciplinary action would have been taken. My Geology teacher (not the same teacher who hit on me) liked to joke to his class that a virgin couldn't be found in California to throw into a volcano to appease the gods. The female TBM students from California weren't happy about the teacher's offensive remarks but kept quiet. That was the mentality at Ricks college in the 80s.

All of that was inappropriate, starting from the personal interrogation in his office. I went to a secular state school in the midwest and not once did a professor ever even ask me a single personal question while I was visiting their office for whatever reasons. There shouldn't have been anything discussed beyond the subject matter of the class and your mastery of it.

I taught at a university (as a fill-in) for 6 months years ago at a CalState school.

Day 1, the department head sat me down, and basically said:

"Don't ever be alone with a female student. Don't ever spend time with female students off-campus. Other than discussing class work, don't talk to a female student outside of class. And for crying out loud, don't ever "date" a female student. Even though you're only a few years older than they are, and even if you really, really like one of them. Got it?"

Aside from him assuming I was interested in females (he was right, but still...), his "orders" complied with both state/federal law, and normal decorum. They were good orders.

Your prof would've been fired from any CalState school for his shenanigans. But not from the Lard's junior college...:(