I thought I should reach out to someone. I wish these thoughts would go away. I thought they had, but I guess I've got more work to do. It'seems been a year since I thought I finished getting over my suicidal thoughts. That is when I had my last one. Before that, I had many, many more over a long period of time. I was about an inch from actually killing myself on more than one occasion. I thought it was over, but I guess it started again.

I am having huge problems with my mormon parents. And the problems spiked back up again. I always have problems with them, but usually it's not nearly this bad. I need to move out ASAP. You already know the worst case scenario of continuing this way of living.

I'm already seeing a counselor by the way.

I'm glad you are talking about it. This is a good place to express yourself and get advice.

Yes, please call the hotline and talk to them.

Remember, your parents will not be around forever. Not sure how old you are or if you are living at home. At some point you will be in the position to leave toxic people in your life and move far away from them. You will LOVE life!

Anyway, we are just bunch of random people and not professionals. Please get help from professionals since this is something to take seriously.

I think that having people, just regular people, to talk to can be useful. He/She mentioned that this is not a new experience, and also that a counselor is in the picture.

I have to believe that it just helps to reach out and have someone tell you nice things, like the actual, concrete fact that the passage of time often changes the situation.

I liken situations like the OP's to being in jail. Not everyone takes to it well. All the time I spent in jail, I knew that no matter how bad it was, there would be a time when I walked out, a free man. So I just endured... But me foreseeing freedom was easy, because I'd already experienced it. I suppose it's not always easy for someone who has only known 'jail.'

try jesus OPie ~


https://youtu.be/GdFuGaP9ZMM?list=PLMdRLqaXxozoRDu47nzyO_wJeqOh7ihSj

By whatever means possible you need to remove yourself from the situation you are in. Your counselor can certainly help guide you in that action. Get away from your parents. They may have good intentions but their view of your problem is likely to be spiritual in nature, which it is not. You cannot worry about hurting them. You must think only of yourself. Ending your life may seem like the easiest solution. I have thought about ending my life many times. The best solution is to change your situation and create the life you want regardless of what your family of origin has taught you. Please promise me and those on this board that you will choose to live and become a real person.

I want there to be a study done between mormonism and suicide. And compare it with just averave non-religion suicide. The percentage of mormon suicides has to be insane compared to non-religion. All i am saying is that mormonism raises the bar up a notch on suicide without a doubt.

I think it's been documented that gay suicide among Mormon youth is very high compared to other religions.

I know that utah has double the suicide rate of the state in second place. That is insane and something has to be done about it, that religion provokes suicides like nothing else i have ever seen before. It has even made me want to die.

I just learned on Saturday that a friend from 40 years ago committed suicide last year. My grief is beyond words. I'm so heart broken all I can say is move away from the triggers, get professional help, stay with a trusted friend until you are feeling safe, and/or go to a hospital if the urge gets bad. Tell your parents how they are impacting you. Sending you big hugs. Do not go down that path. This life is a one way ticket. Leaving abruptly will not help. Write down what will help and move in that direction.

Getting away from triggers is huge really huge.

If I were a parent and my kid told me my behavior was causing them to consider suicide I'd be shocked and devastated.

What a wake up call.

OP--I had a mother who was incapable of giving me what I needed from her. If that is the case with you, ultimately you will need to mourn the relationship you're never going to have and move on.

You can put this behind you.

Meanwhile, being distracted by suicidal thoughts sucks.

Hope that you will call the Hotline listed for help.

I think about it occasionally when circumstances get waaaay deep, but as my dad used to say: "This too shall pass."

It doesn't help much, but reminds me that even when the shit hits the fan, it breaks it into manageble sized bits.

I understand

Please do call the suicide hotline to head toward professional help. Many of us understand how you feel. Hugs to you. ((())))

OP, you may have had the thoughts today, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are returning full-force. Bad thoughts can and do come and go, and your parents seem to be laying on the pressure. Tell your counselor about your parents' behavior.

If you have the means to get away from your parents, do it. Even making the plans can help your feelings. If moving is going to interrupt schooling, I view independence interrupting schooling to be a far superior option to death interrupting it, permanently.

Many have put themselves through school, if that's what's keeping you there.

Is it that you're not yet 18? I got news. If you can force yourself to survive until you are 18, until you can be legally rid of your tormentors, life will look vastly different. I won't lie and say it's all a bed of roses, but you can make it the best you are able.

What circumstances do you think trap you into thinking that death is your only "out?" For whatever reason, I get the feeling that they have been using money to control you. Healthy and poor beats dead, any day. Healthy, hungry and poor beats dead. It's a challenge, but your writing tells me it's one you CAN meet.

If you're not yet 18, and being physically abused, document, document, document, report, report, report. You can have the abuser removed from the home. Unfortunately, psychological abuse is not usually punished as a crime, but you can still document it for your counselor.

Someday, you can put it on youtube. I wish that smart phones and youtube had been around to expose my dad. He would have been the one considering his "options," instead of me.

You know what a nanny cam is, right? Viewing the recorded events might even help you to sort through it all. You have more options than you know.

Abuse, psychological and/or physical, requires privacy. It's the basis of "sacred secrets." For a controller, a manipulator, secrecy is sacred. They present one face to you, and a different face to others. Their victims feel powerless. You are not powerless. Figure out where your power lives, and reclaim it as your own.

Fortunately, my suicidal thoughts did not come back at full force like I feared they would. I'm not feeling suicodal right now, like I was yesterday. Other than that, the psychological pain I'm in is just as bad as it was, and might not go away until I move out. Which I'm planning to do as soon as the semester ends. Maybe sooner. This is likely going to affect my grades, but I hope it doesn't.

Probably my suicidal thoughts will come back from time to time for a little while. I think I can manage them a little better now compared to before. I guess I am a little bit less foolish now.

I didn't call the hotline, because I don't think I need to since I'm not in immenent danger. I will tell my counselor when I see her this week. I really don't want to kill myself. Sometimes it seems like a better option, but now I still have plenty of hope.

WTG!!! You'll see! Once you're out of 'jail', you're likely to expand on the theme of enjoying life. Even being poor, it's possible to be happy.

Unfortunately there are no guarantees, other than the one you have right now, that your parents are not good for you. Hang in there and don't be a stranger!

try Jesus OPie ~


https://youtu.be/HMzZYkEGywI


( srs ) ~