My niece, not Alexis, whom some of you dislike, but Alyssa, who is 23 and my oldest sister's daughter, and hasn't to the best of my knowledge, done anything to offend anyone here, was made stake primary chorister in her stake on the coast in California. Their stake primary held an inservice recently. Alyssa was told to go over new and to prepare a pertinent presentation for the other "choristers" (I hate the term as used by the LDS) breakout session. She did so; she had asked the other "choristers" to share something each had created for teaching a song or songs, and had purchased the materials needed for each so that the other "choristers could use the materials to make the materials the others shared or to make something else if they wanted. She's young and enthusiastic, and worked hard to be prepared for her presentation. she got in touch with each ward chorister to find out what each would be sharing so that she could obtain the materials needed for others to re-created each item. The one "chorister" who hadn't responded to her was the "chorister" of the largest and wealthiest ward's primary (and, not so incidentally, the stake president's wife).

As my niece had concluded introducing the songs she was asked to introduce and was by sharing her own idea as first before asking the other "choristers" to do the same, the stake president's wife walked in about ten minutes late. Instead of quietly taking her seat, she interrupted my niece by saying, "I have something to say and I can't be here for long, so I'm going to say it now."

Without waiting for my niece's or for anyone else's OK, the stake president's wife proceeded to take over the meeting. despite her initial comment that she couldn't stay for long, she took up the entire meeting. Her remarks were on two topics, the first of which was that when she directed a stake children's choir five years or so earlier, some of the children from the two small branches in the stake were unfamiliar with the songs that had been sung in the children's sacrament meeting presentation the prior year, and that ward primary choristers did not have the right to deprive the children of the messages contained in those songs. (My niece had no idea what the stake president's wife was even talking about because she moved to California from Utah less than three years earlier.)

The stake president's wife's next topic was that a sister in the stake (who happened to be the stake president's wife's niece) is with child and out of wedlock, and that unwed knocked up sister was a MUSICIAN! (My niece's WARD calling is that of music director for the ward. As such, she is supposed to be consulted regarding filling the various music positions for the ward, but the auxiliary heads don't usually consult her, probably thinking she knows nothing because she's only twenty-three, and there's probably some truth to what they think; she's not the brightest bulb. None of it had anything to do with my niece's stake calling as Primary "chorister.") The expectant mother lives in my niece's ward. She had been the sacrament meeting chorister two years earlier, but she flaked and repeatedly no-showed or showed up flagrantly late to sacrament meeting without any warning, so the bishopric eventually released her.

What my niece and at least one other person present at the inservice got out of the stake president's wife's diatribe was that it was somehow my niece's fault that the stake president's wife's niece had gotten pregnant. Had the expectant mother been serving in a music calling, her sex drive and/or that of her partner would have been reduced, or their method of birth control would have been more fool-proof.

What is it about Mormonism that makes members want to blame each other for the actions of third parties? For the record, the expectant mother in question is 25 years old. She was divorced about three years ago after her brief temple marriage didn't work out. She's an LVN currently enrolled in an RN program, and as such should know how pregnancy happens and how it is most effectively prevented. She should be old enough to manage her own life to some degree unless she asks for help, which she apparently has not done.

I suppose people like the stake pres's wife are ultimately doing my niece a favor if they cause her to see the light concerning the church sooner rather than later.

I like Alexis! I still feel bad about that!!!!! I was young and foolish back then!!!! I've repented and am a new person!


Is Alyssa's mother TBM? From whom did you hear this sordid tale of wealth creating extreme privilege?

Doesn't it make you glad that you're living your life your way?

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I like Alexis! I still feel bad about that!!!!!
> I was young and foolish back then!!!! I've
> repented and am a new person!
>
>
> Is Alyssa's mother TBM? From whom did you hear
> this sordid tale of wealth creating extreme
> privilege?
>
> Doesn't it make you glad that you're living your
> life your way?

I'll tell Alexis you like her, Elderolddog. We were all young and foolish once.

Yes, Alyssa's mother Allison, my big sister, is about as TBM as they come except that she is a registered Democrat. Alyssa's father is in a stake presidency in Utah County.

I heard the sordid tale from Alyssa and from my sister Brooke, with whom Alyssa lives while she attends dental school. Brooke heard about it from two neighbors who were present at the meeting and who are also in the same ward as the young expectant mother.

You know what I don't miss at all about mormonism?
All the petty squabbling, power trips, and politics.

Like your niece is having to go through. :(

I consider her an exemplary young woman.

Tom in Paris

Instead of directly blaming the person who does a deed, mormons blame someone else because they're indifferent or negative.

Her relative got pregnant, so she foolishly and in public lashed at whoever she thought controlled a church calling. It sounds like a joke but it isn't the least bit funny.

What we put up with we encourage

You obviously are not a Republican living in California. But at least I was able to sign the recall petition!

Geez. What an awkward situation. How wrong to take over the meeting, air private information, and disregard the purpose of the meeting after all the preparation that went into it.

One of the problems with Mormonism is that it emboldens leaders and people related to them, to abuse their positions and step all over boundaries. It also empowers the outrageous people who don't have positions or connections. And it disempowers normal people to stand up and set boundaries, because THEY are too worried about offending others. So the offensive people call the shots.

In a normal community, the SPs wife never would have said a word about this. And in a normal community, your niece, or someone else in the room, would have found a way to interject and say "Thank you. We've gotten off track. We need to get to our training."

Even better: "Thanks for coming to the meeting. I don't think this is the place to judge or discuss someone's private life. Let's get to our training."

In a normal community, people are not ALLOWED to hijack meetings and act like this. Because the good folks of the community aren't used to just going along with BS in meetings. They aren't trained to be compliant.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/17/2017 11:40AM by imaworkinonit.

imaworkinonit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Geez. What an awkward situation. How wrong to take
> over the meeting, air private information, and
> disregard the purpose of the meeting after all the
> preparation that went into it.
>
> One of the problems with Mormonism is that it
> emboldens leaders and people related to them, to
> abuse their positions and step all over
> boundaries. It also empowers the outrageous people
> who don't have positions or connections. And it
> disempowers normal people to stand up and set
> boundaries, because THEY are too worried about
> offending others. So the offensive people call the
> shots.
>
> In a normal community, the SPs wife never would
> have said a word about this. And in a normal
> community, your niece, or someone else in the
> room, would have found a way to interject and say
> "Thank you. We've gotten off track. We need to get
> to our training."
>
> Even better: "Thanks for coming to the meeting. I
> don't think this is the place to judge or discuss
> someone's private life. Let's get to our
> training."
>
> In a normal community, people are not ALLOWED to
> hijack meetings and act like this. Because the
> good folks of the community aren't used to just
> going along with BS in meetings. They aren't
> trained to be compliant.

In an LDS setting, one person may be officially in charge of something, but sometimes the unofficial rank of being married to or related to a leader trumps any official responsibility, particularly when one person more than two times the age of the other one,

I don't miss this at all. This was my ward's council: off-task, gossiping, spreading of lies, and the continual back-stabbing.

Remember that I'm more righteous than you.

I hope that notwithstanding her shanghai-ed music session, she learned from it. You are a gentleman, SCMD, and a patient teacher. Given the opportunity, and in your voice, perhaps you could ask her how she would handle it next time. I'm sure she was upset, but could put those emotions to a personally positive outcome for herself. Her life, work, time and sense of self-worth matter.

Personally, I would like to inform the ignorant SP wife (in public) that Alyssa isn't suitably equipped to impregnate anyone, and had she known that the SP's niece had run out of birth control, she would have gladly made it her mission to buy and hand out condoms to all of the males of the ward, lest the SP niece find herself alone with any of one of them.

Is that "calling" on anyone's list? It oughta be.

hmph.

I wonder if it occurs to the SP wife that she just announced how "easy" the venerable SP's niece is. Niece flaked on her music calling because she preferred to spend her time trying to trap a male. Duh.

Nothing Alyssa does or does not do will prevent the niece from fulfilling the calling burning in her bosom.

I need to stop now. I could go on and on.

The SP's wife is exhibiting narcissistic tendencies at its finest. What a piece of work. This is the culture there, i.e., back-stabbing, gossiping, name calling, labeling, dumping, blaming, etc. Has your niece sent in her resignation letter yet?

I can't imagine that I once cared what women like this thought of me! So many women in our ward were wealthy, and never had to work at a job. They judged each other by their husband's status. I had no husband at all, and I had to work for a living. I was a zero!

They wanted to use my musical ability. They wanted to use my ability as a certified teacher, to handle the worst Sunday school class. (I ended up loving it, and being glad I didn't have to go to RS meeting.) I served my callings well, but they never invited me into their homes, never had a real two-way conversation with me, as a human being. They just gave me orders, like I was their servant. After all those years of hard work, I have more money than they do, and I'm sure this confuses them. Why did God bless ME and MY CHILDREN? I enjoy watching them judge themselves and each other, with the same ridiculous Mormon judgments. No, you don't EARN happiness by doing things that make you unhappy. No, God doesn't bless you with money, when you give 10% of your (husband's) money to the cult.

These women were as mean to each other, as they were to me. All that pent-up hatred and jealousy needs an outlet, so let them snipe at each other. I'm glad I was never a part of that.

I'm actually relieved they are shunning us, as my children and I do better without people trying to bring us down.

Your niece needs to separate herself from all of that. Maybe she should take a stand. I always did at BYU, when groups of nasty girls would verbally attack some girl who was "different." It made me feel good to stand up for someone. There are a lot of stories, from living in a dorm full of Mormon rich princesses. What's encouraging, is that those mean girls were outnumbered by the nice ones. Your niece had more women on her side, to be sure.