Some things that I learned this morning about my birth son's adoptive family have pretty much resolved for me they are shallow and superficial people. That's what Mormonism has done to them.

He's bought into that mindset, which I never really became a part of. They are in reality very snobby people to the extreme.

And now criminal. That's right. His 'very Mormon' family has been involved in high stakes real estate fraud for years and years. We're talking investment fraud well into the millions.

Since several members of that family have been convicted and went to jail, some got off pretty easy considering the lies and schemes they resorted to.

All that glitters is not gold.

The adoptive mother he hated and was not speaking to when I found him more than a decade ago, has made him swear not to have any contact with me, his birth mother - or she will write him out of her will. She has quite a bit of money, and for her adoptive Mormon son money speaks louder than words. Maybe he's been caught up in the same deceitful web of lies and fraud his relatives have lived.

He was raised by that family, not mine after all.

We were both duped. I can forgive him for having had no say in his being born or his adoption. I do not forgive the Mormon church for fleecing me for my child.

One of his relatives who was in the mortgage fraud scheme paid to have a surrogate mother give birth so she wouldn't have to. Now that I know how these women's minds work, I realize where they were coming from all along. I went to college in the same area these women spent their formative years. It was typical of some of the women of that region (not the one I grew up in,) to not bear children so their bodies wouldn't bear the signs of childbirth.

My son's adoptive mother has had a pretty full plate of cosmetic procedures. Her priorities are not nor ever were about her children, home or family. It's always been about her first and foremost.

She cares not for the emotional well-being of her adoptive son, or that he finds closure in meeting and acquainting himself with his birth family out of purely selfish motives.

And yet, that is what he identifies as "mother love." His girlfriend of the past decade or so is a lot like his adoptive mom. She's quite a bit older than he is herself. That's something adoptive sons have a tendency to look for in women is a mother figure - to replace the one they lost at birth. His girlfriend is as insecure psychologically as his adoptive mother is.

Between them and his very selfish, clannish Mormon family he grew up in - arrogant to the extreme - they will make certain he and I will never meet.

Do I feel sad about that? Yes it saddens me deeply. On the other hand, I'm glad for him he has a family jealous enough that they don't want to share him with his birth family. But it isn't for his well-being they don't wish a reunion; he was thrown to the wolves long ago by them. Could be they're all as selfish as his adoptive mother is.

If only they realized the damage it's caused him; but even if they did, they do not care enough to encourage a reunion.

Btw, his adoptive mother is not a convicted felon. But she was complicit with the LDS adoption mill and in erasing any vestiges of her birth son's background. That should carry some criminal penalties, but is rather a crime of the heart. She doesn't care about his welfare, never did. Only her own. It's all about her. Everything is about her.

She's been a very selfish woman all of her life. Maybe there is virtue in that I cannot see right now because she stole my child from me with the complicity of the Mormon church. She didn't think I'd find my son someday; she wasn't prepared for that. They weren't speaking to each other when I found him because they hated each other very much (according to one of his extended relatives who gave me the history on his upbringing.) He was messed up and into drugs and alcohol when I found him; a RM who'd gone A-wall.

You'd think his other mother would have welcomed my entrance into his life with open arms, enough to make our acquaintance and give thanks to each other - her for raising him, and me for relinquishing him to her - but she didn't. She has hated me since, and closed the door on his and my meeting.

And that is a 'fine upstanding Mormon family' for you, in the mind f*ck that is Mormonism.

But if he's happy, then I'm happy for him. And that is where I must leave it at - in the past. He didn't ask to be born or placed for adoption. He had no say at all in the matter.

Now he's taking some of the control back he never had. That, and an inheritance his other mother is holding over his head if he capitulates by meeting his birth family someday.

I'm still angry at being lied to by TSCC and the way they duped me, and then my birth son. They stole years from both our lives we will never be able to reclaim. Not only our past, but future.

As the social worker who helped facilitate our reunion told me: the Mormon church is the most secretive among any of the adoption agencies she's known. Nearly all of her referrals were from Mormon birth families or their children. TSCC erases the history it doesn't want the adoptee to know about his family of origin. To them it truly didn't matter where he came from - only that he was a "thing" like an object - to be owned rather than feeling connected to his past that is emotionally healthy for adoptees to own. Or to not even be told or assured that his birth family also loves and cherishes him despite his being placed by TSCC at birth.

I guess what saddens me more is that he's become as superficial as his adoptive family is. Appearances matter more than substance to him. That's how he was raised. How can I fault him for something again he had no control over? I cannot.

That also grieves me, for him and all that he lost. I can own my choices as ill-informed and misled as I was. But I was still deceived by the cult. That it perpetuates the lies over lifetimes and generations, that is what I find despicable and unforgivable.

I'm so sorry about your loss, amyjo. Mormonism promises heaven but delivers only hell and damnation.

It's a perfect religion for criminals. That's really why the saints were persecuted. Because they were criminals. It had nothing to do with beliefs. If you talk to people in jail, they will all say the same thing. They're victims of persecution. It's not surprising that Mormonism fostered criminality in your son's family. TSCC should be fined the costs of prosecution and incarceration.

Talk about shining a light in dark places.

When I came across that news story this morning I was aghast. Then when I saw how closely related the ring of criminals are to my birth son's adoptive family, and that they're all Mormon too, it makes more sense how much criminality and Mormonism shares in common.

Affinity fraud is what Utah is renowned for among its white collar and Mormon criminals.

I concur with Babylon. Your poor son is screwed for life, if he doesn't change some of his thinking bought on by people who brainwashed him from birth. I can imagine the things they've been telling him.
The church is hypocritical when they talk about families being forever, and doing family trees, finding all your relatives ( know I know it's not out of love, but to baptize all these dead ancestors), you'd think they'd want him to learn about his true blood family when he reached a certain age , not hiding stuff and being hateful and threatening, blackmail, etc
Don't they screen families, like most adoptions?
Out of all the families out there adopting, your don got a bad deal. He was born a innocent baby, now he's damaged.
I hope he changes. It must hurt deeply to see all of these " reunions " on TV, where birth families find each other and have happy endings.
Why can't he see you, without telling them? I'm sure there's other things he does that they don't know about.
My dad was adopted and always wanted to find his birth parents, when he got older his adoptive parents even tried helping, but things were different then, the records were and still are sealed
He died without knowing, just wish this DNA stuff came out sooner.
I agree with you on the women in the church wearing lots of makeup and having surgical treatments, until they get older and the babies come
In my young adult group , half the group were Barbie dolls, the other half that I was in wore no or minimal makeup and were all still tomboys and interested in sports.
We didn't like any of the guys in our group.
We'd like the non Mormon athletic guys who also liked sports and not just marriage and babies

Amyjo, this with the other things you've written, how he was treated as a "lesser," leads me to believe that the inheritance is a lie, to keep you at a distance, from finding out more than you already have. There will be no "inheritance" for your son - it simply would not follow the pattern of her behavior.

Who are we trying to kid, and why would anyone believe her promises of future benefit to him? Abuse requires privacy, and all she is doing is shutting him up while she's here on earth, where she may have to face consequences. Your son, having been thus abused and manipulated his entire life, hopes for the best, is brainwashed by not only moism, but his adoptive family, his "reality" of family.

He has no experience of a loving mother or family to whom he might compare her - their - falsity. We can't know to what extent he was drawn into becoming complicit in their crimes, what his adult responsibility might be.

The lack of (or very paltry) inheritance will be yet another "crime of the heart" against her adopted son.

You can write this prediction down, email it to a "son legacy" account you create, and show him if you are still living when she dies. You can keep a "living journal" in this method, for which you bequeath the logon to him. It will be his choice to use or not, but you can leave him a legacy of a mother's true love.

It also just occurred to me that any inheritance might be in the form of a trust, where his ongoing compliance is required to receive ongoing payments.

I've wondered that as well.

Sounds like Joan Crawford

She is, kind of.

I think of her as a 'black widow.' Her first husband died, and she took everything he left for herself (a big farm w/assets.)

She remarried a widower and moved into his mcmansion, and acquired his children as her grown step-children.

My son is her only child otherwise.

The criminal ring are all related to her by marriage, through her step-children and in-laws. All goody two-shoe Mormons (not!) I have a feeling all the wealth shared with her 2nd husband will be distributed among his children first and foremost - the ones who "kept the gospel." The ones with the criminal records but still in the cult.

Whereas my son, her adopted child, will be viewed as the 'apostate child,' for leaving the cult after reaching adulthood.

At least one of them can think for himself (sort of.) She's likely already cut him off. But will deceive him and manipulate him to do her bidding for at least the rest of her lifetime.

She has been helping him with his floundering career in recent years. So that may be how he's benefiting for now. He gets her to front some of his projects - which haven't earned him any money so far (we're talking years in the making.) HER support FOR HIM ONLY BEGAN AFTER SHE REALIZED I HAD FOUND HIM, NOT BEFORE. Before I found him, according to his relatives she was practicing "tough love" with him because he'd left the church and was no longer a practicing Mormon. Otherwise, had I not found him, he'd have not been on the receiving end of her largesse. They weren't even speaking to each other before that.

They didn't send him to college. He was raised as a farmhand and treated like an indentured servant. After his mission he joined the military since he still didn't have a career direction. Once he got out from there he's been trying to make his career in the entertainment industry - which is rife with challenges. As far as I can tell he hasn't done anything of significance since he went into that field towards being self-supporting.

So his adoptive mom may be footing the bill for him to fund his various projects, and if that's so, then that is how she has him cow tied to do her bidding IMHO. She's manipulative, but then perhaps that's who he is as well. They benefit each other by their mutual pact.

My son has a keen intellect, and is a highly creative person. His talents were not cultivated growing up. He was more or less a chore boy. School and cultural learning took a back seat to being the primary farm hand. We're talking little boy here, all the way up through high school and beyond until his going on a mission - that is how he was able to escape that dungeon.

He owes it to himself to be a survivor. I want him to both survive and to succeed at whatever he finds himself doing. I wish him only health, wealth, and happiness from here on out. And that someday he may decide he's ready to meet his half-siblings while they're still alive.

Dear Amyjo,

Someday, mommy dearest will die.

Then, your already-a-step-ahead-being-'out' son can do what he wants to. Maybe he and you and his bio-dad can have a meeting, as adults? Wouldn't that be swell? Then he can learn about "real" tough love. Giving up a baby is hard stuff.

His bio dad, like his adoptive father, have both passed away since he was born.

Although his bio dad and I when we met there was a strong deja vu occurrence that happened with our meeting. I knew we had known each other in a previous lifetime. I dreamt about my baby before he was born, and saw him in my dream. I even had a name for him (not the one his adoptive family gave him, but my own.)

As for real love I just hope I can still practice the art of letting go, because it has taken me a lifetime to find him. And when I did I never dreamed in a million years he wouldn't want to meet his birth family until that happened. I blame that on his adoptive mother - her relatives have basically told me as much it is because of her he will not meet with us.

Like Solomon's baby, the real mother was willing to let the other one have him so Solomon wouldn't split the baby in two. My birth son's mother would rather he be split in two than to share him with his birth family. She doesn't care for his life personally. Only herself and how everything revolves around her like the sun. He's only an ornament to her window dressing.

Mormons have this saying that if you don't meet in this lifetime you will in the next. I say to them, go to hell. They've never had to lose someone so close to their heart as that of an infant child. They have zero idea, or if they do they have zero compassion for either the mother or her child put through the Mormon adoption mill.

The only encouragement that I can offer you is that life is long and circumstances can and do change. Keep the door open, and one day your son may come through it.

That's the hope I've tried to keep alive. It gets harder though with each passing year.

He has to do what's right for him.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2017 04:31PM by Amyjo.

I am so sorry, Amy, and hope your son comes around at some point. Mine did, after years of wanting nothing to do with me. I found him when he was young, and knew nothing of his adoptive home circumstances. He had a mentally ill, abusive adoptive mother, and a father who was an enabler and a drinker. The mother's family was trashy and dishonest, something he hated. My son's adoptive dad died when my son was 21, and shortly after he moved out and cut himself off from the mother and the rest of the adoptive family. But he did not turn to me until almost 18 years later, since he knew little about me and feared another monster mom when he had just gotten rid of one. He did not even go to the mother's funeral when he heard she had died.
They left him nothing.

My son is brilliant and creative like yours, but only had a year of college. He taught himself computer programming and was good enough that he has had good jobs in that field ever since. He has been in a great marriage for 15 years, and he and his wife have adopted two minority kids from foster care. He is also an environmental activist and animal lover, all-around nice guy despite his crummy upbringing. Everyone Catholic in this scenario, no Mormon influence, but crappy adoptions can happen in all religions, and a culty one only makes bad things worse.

Amyjo,

He's genetically YOU--not them. Does he resemble you in the face or does he resemble his father? You know for certain he doesn't resemble that POS adoptive mom.

Stick with me here:

I am not a geneticist, but I observe; and it stands to reason that if someone resembles a family member in the face (head) that their brain architecture has the same resemblance, and clearly (to me) most of the behaviors are similar if not identical.

Of my five sons, two look like me. Those two act like me--not like their fathers! The ones who resemble their dad, act like him and sound like him. I've seen this pattern in my profession, and I see it in my grandkids.

A lot of people go on the nurture vs nature gig and believe nurture has the final word. NO! It's genetics. It's cellular memory.

Have you heard the expression, "Spittin' image"? That expression started out as "Spirit and Image."

Have you heard the expression, "The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree"?

There is a reason these expressions are time-honored.

Your son is the "spirit and image" of you and/or his father--NOT THEM!
Time will make this increasingly apparent to him.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2017 01:20AM by kathleen.