But noooo i couldn't be left the f#ck alone. I was forced to go to church, forced to go to school which might have been ok getting away from the parents. Forced into a position where i would be rejected by everybody for not going on a mission. F#ck if i was just left alone i would not have been manipulated so bad and i would not have been forced to do horrible things to my mind and body. And not be in this stupid position in the first place. Feel like i have been going to counseling forever and i still don't know everything that happened to me. This sucks big time. The good die young and quick, as for the rest of us this is hell atleast for me.

Adam,

I'm praying that you'll be touched by His Noodly Goodness and at least get some help with your physical pain.

The psychological damage will take longer but if you're not physically hurting will probably easier to deal with.

R-amen.

Is Nintendo still your safe place?

One of them yes but don't play as much as i used to.

Your parents sound like jerks. First class jerks. I was raised non-Mormon and none of my friends could play on Sunday. My family would go out to the desert and shoot guns and ride four-wheelers and my friends would beg their parents to go . . . but no.

BUT he didn't have to go to church. His weekends were FREE. But he had to go to school. I ended up letting him decide what days to go because my dad told me to lighten up on him (though my dad didn't lighten up on us, but he learned something). I just told my son to graduate. BUT even without religion, my son has had a lot of pain and issues. Like I've said, he lives here with us. He works parttime. He needs to be diagnosed as he does have something. He did attempt suicide twice after his wife left him 10 years ago. He is still struggling. Many people have their own insanity to live through and my kids certainly do. They are affected by their parents' decisions, too.

I wish you had someone who was there for you, who could give you the time and space to work through your trauma without having to worry about a roof over your head and food to eat. We also pay for a lot of things he needs as he has no insurance.

He still uses Nintendo and has youtube videos of games he is playing that people watch. I just don't understand that!! His video titles start with sex, lies and I don't know the rest of the name. Everyone keeps telling me he'll find his way, to just be patient. I really worry about him A LOT. What I can say is that even if others think I am enabling him (many others don't), my son will always have a roof over his head as long as I am alive.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2017 03:26PM by cl2.

If he was born in the cult then he is definitely using it as an escape. Maybe an escape from you and everybody else. Maybe he thinks he is doing everybody a favor by not killing himself and is only alive for that reason. Maybe if the non-mentally ill told us the meaning or purpose of life then we would change and be different. But nobody knows why we are all here, not one person knows this.

(My name is ironic--making fun of a Mormon general conference RS speech--I know nothing.)

Have courage, Cl2. I just have to tell you that I'm a single mother, too, and my TBM husband, the father of my children, abandoned all of us, and I struggled as sole support for my family, until my career gradually took off. My children all took whatever jobs they could find, starting when they were too young to do anything but babysit, have a paper route, or do yard work. They didn't have much time, but one son loved video games. He would give his brother and sisters video games for Christmas--the games he, himself wanted, and it was a joke. He also loved playing football, skiing, and all other sports. He graduated from high school early, so he could work at the Honda shop in the summer, and the ski shop in Snowbird in the winter. He married his TBM high school cheerleader girlfriend, who relentlessly pursued him, even though he didn't go on a mission. He was/is very good looking, and she didn't care about his other qualities. Two years later, he came home from work, to find their apartment cleared out, and a note on the kitchen counter. She had been cheating on him, and she had run away to live with a rich guy, from Beverly Hills. My son was devastated. He moved back home with me, and finished his degree at the University of Utah. I loved having him home, and he had such nice friends. Still, I was so worried about him, that I sent him to a psychiatrist, who pronounced him to be one of the sanest people he had ever met. My son and his two best ex-Mormon friends from high school (Stanford graduates) started a business, which became a success. He bought a house down the street from us.

Your son has been divorced for 10 years, but it is never too late! My son had been divorced for 14 years, when he married a very down-to-earth ex-Mormon girl, who had never been married. We love her! They just had their second child, a few weeks ago. He is 43, and she is 38. They are remodeling their house, and are enjoying all the joys of life. They are good people, and they deserve it. I just got a photo of him playing video games with his 2-year old and the newborn. Some things never change.

Hang in there. Good things are waiting for you, down the road!

I like your son already, sounds like my kind of guy.

He was living away from home for quite a while and had another relationship with a girl that I wasn't impressed with. He finally walked away from that relationship about 4 years ago and came home. My ex abandoned us, too, but he is back in the kids' lives and does help me take care of our son (and our daughter). Our daughter is doing really well. Works for Princess Cruises in Alaska and keeps getting promoted. She was just given an award that is only given to very few in the entire company. She graduated from college with honors, etc. My son is extremely good on computers and keeps talking about going to the local tech school, but never follows through. He will one of these days. Many people close to me including my boyfriend tell me he will get where he needs to be.

My son may actually use his gaming, badass, to escape more from his feelings of having to take care of his mother. Both my kids have issues with that and it isn't because I ever asked them to, but because they were witnesses to what I went through. He is glad I have my boyfriend and that I get along with his dad as then he doesn't have to worry as much. He has always been the one who stayed close while my daughter ran away from everything that has happened. But he and I are really close. Many people tell me he'll be okay even my sister who I don't talk to and I am not the kind that doesn't allow him to talk to her just because she and I don't get along. My TBM aunt also tells me he'll be fine. He is too intelligent and my therapist has talked to him and says he has a lot of emotional intelligence and that is what makes life harder for him. My brother is like that, too, and I'm very close to my brother as I took care of him a lot and he lived with me when his wife divorced him. He has done really well after struggling for a while. He has a job that pays in the 6 figures and he is a high school dropout. He remarried and they raised his son, who the mother didn't want.

I just didn't know life could be so fun. Like my son says, he complained about going to school and he said, "I never knew being an adult would be so difficult. I'd rather go back to school."

You'll find your way, too, badass. I did. I dug my way out of the horrible debt I found myself in after my ex left and didn't pay me anything for a long time. I've said it many times before, the guy I wanted to marry at 20 also came back into my life 13 years ago. This non-marriage relationship has lasted longer than my "marriage."

Thanks for your reply, Mother Who Knows. I didn't realize that was you until I just checked again. I love your name! I got to listen to that talk when my daughter (TBM) came here to watch conference and she had it on in the house. I was walking around saying to myself "I thought I knew" over and over again.

I will definitely have to dig deep within myself if i am going to save myself for real that is all i know.

Ugh I hated church and school SO boring! I loved video games I would have much rather played them instead of going to freaking church! When I was a kid playing video games on a Sunday was "forbidden" and so I turned the volume off to play them and got in big trouble if I got caught. What are your favorote games? And ya its SO dumb how your an outcast if you don't go on a freaking mission! My cousin asked my ex mo bro in front of everyone af my grandmas funeral of all places in front of EVERYBODY when he was going to go on a mission its like come on dude! I could barely get through a week of efy I would have died if I had had to go on a mission NO way I would have made it!

I got scolded about a mission over and over until i was atleast 27 years old. My life has been absolute hell since i was 19 years old. I wish i had never been born, thank you lord for doing nothing to defend me.

And i liked the ninja gaiden and megaman games. These days i like gears of war.

Ya I may have already told you this but the whole reason I was ever even born was because of the damn cult! When I found out I was like oh....GREAT and almost puked all over the damn yogurt! And made it Joe the man ho & Brig the pig flavored Hehe (I was in a grocery store at the time) I'm sorry you've felt God hasnt helped you I feel the same

And Badass your family sounds like they are TOTAL assholes especially your dad I cant believe they would treat there son like that! They really need to wake up and get a clue already. I cant believe they would harrass you for so many years about going on a mission a mission should be that persons decision and no one else's! They should have just worried about themselves and stopped bugging you! And well I just wanted to say even though your family ducks you DO have people who care at rfm and ill stop before this becomes longer than two paragraphs ;) LOL

And oh nice Ive never played gears of war ill have to check it out sometime

Thank you for keeping it short and yes my family is f#cked up but they think i am f#cked up so things are going to get ugly because i have never told them how i feel after all these years but i will when i get a little bit better. Told my counselor that this will come down to an ugly showdown between me and my family before its all said and done. I can't just move on like nothing happened, some people can but i can not. And i will speak my mind to any mormon that crosses my path.

My students are simply horrified when I tell them that I was born long before video game systems came along. Talk about the dark ages! :)

Yes dark indeed, those were the days where the parents did death oaths.

Oh man Well I wish you luck when that day comes! Ya you should be able to speak your mind after everything your family and the cult put you through. People who have been hurt by the cult should be able to speak there mind about it they shouldn't have to suffer in silence.

Mormons act like the church is so great but if it really was a positive organization should it really be causing ugly "showdowns" between families? That happens all too often I'm afraid. Ive seen it happen one too many times and heard tons of stories And ya that's good you'll speak your mind to them I hate it when Mormons Butt in and try and control others lives. Its super annoying!

The death oaths were super creepy a ton of Mormons who never went through the temple pre 1990 will deny they ever happened I told my super tbm bro about them and he acted like I was an idiot and said "I'm SURE that's not true" LOL. I never went through the temple but my parents and tons of ex Mormons say they did them.
And There's actually a youtube video of Jeffery R. Holland admitting they used to do them at first he was like "NO that's not true we do not have penalties in the temple!" Then the guy interviewing him says but you used to then Holland had to admit "we......used to LOL every mormon who Denys there were ever death oaths should watch that clip!

I have seen that clip.

I have actually seen thousands of clips i am kind of a youtube junkie. I can tell when someone is legit and telling the truth and it has been very useful. It might be my super power.

That's cool! That WOULD be a useful trait to have! I'm jealous I wish I had a super power! Lol and oh nice I'm a youtube junkie as well. And tbms really SHOULD see that Jeff Holland clip shouldn't they? Haha

Yes they should especially if they had no clue that they would be going through the gestures of their own murder if they opened their mouth about the temple. I wish youtube was around when i was younger it would have saved me so much hell sooo much hell. I should have found child protective services when i had the chance god d@mn, these days i don't think i am going to make it much farther. I have been through way too d@mn much.

in the temple. I was so exhausted from an overnight bus trip (on a Friday evening) to the nearest temple that I wasn't really "there" for a lot of the mumbo-jumbo. I definitely remember feeling underwhelmed, and wondered when the spiritual high was supposed to kick in (but it didn't), but then it was over, and we were ushered out. And of course, you weren't supposed to talk about it, so you couldn't compare notes with anybody.

That was one of the first things I loved about RfM - people actually talking about what a let-down the temple had been! And here I thought it was only me!

Awe badass I'm sorry it makes me sad you have had to go through so much :( ya I wish youtube was around longer as well and I wish we had all found out about the cult sooner it really would have saved us from so much hell and saved us SO much money! I really am grateful to new name Noah and I think its great he does what he does! And ya its really horrible that they teach you your whole life that the temple is so "peaceful" then I find out they used to do creepy death oaths ya maybe its peaceful if your on a lot of drugs lol

Ya its not right to put people through and hey really should see that clip my mom actually admitted to me today how she had always heard how the temple was SO peaceful but then she did the death oaths and they really freaked her out. Also I should show my tbm bro that clip of Jeffy Holland he really acted like I was just SO ridiculously stupid to even suggest that they used to do death oaths so id love to see his reaction to that lol

Newnamenoah is a hero in my book because it is not easy to pass all the requirements to get into the temple in the first place. You have to be fully active for a year straight, you have to be a full-tithe payer for a year straight, you have to answer awkward questions and answer to things that you don't believe. You have to commit to garments, you have to bring in a camera without anybody noticing into a place wear they make you swear to your death if you expose these things. He is a legend and saved me from probably making one of the biggest mistakes i could have made and saved me from probably 20-30 more years of hell. Sir david the bard is a hero as well in my opinion i would like to make my own videos as he does for therapy and maybe help others out there. I know venting to the world on youtube would help me if i just knew how to do it.

Oh man that is NOT easy! Ugh! He has to pay tithing! And wear freaking garmies! Ugh he really IS a hero! That really is awesome of newnamenoah to do that for us! He really is saving people! I actually talked to him once over text for a while he seemed really cool. And ya you should do youtube videos that would be cool

I think it would help me a sh#tload if i did youtube videos it seems effective. I know it helps me a ton watching other people do it like sir david the bard. We kind of think the same on some things and it comforts me to not feel like the only crazy person on this earth.

Well I can be pretty crazy sometimes myself and ive met quite a few other pretty crazy people as well so your not alone in that area :) lol and ya I think that would be a great idea for you to do youtube videos I know alot of the people I watch have said its helped them out a lot and it seems like something you would be good at :) you'll have to let your friends at rfm know if you ever decide to do that :) and nice ill have to watch sir David the bard sometime

Badassadam1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> But noooo i couldn't be left the f#ck alone. I
> was forced to go to church, forced to go to school
> which might have been ok getting away from the
> parents. Forced into a position where i would be
> rejected by everybody for not going on a mission.
> F#ck if i was just left alone i would not have
> been manipulated so bad and i would not have been
> forced to do horrible things to my mind and body.
> And not be in this stupid position in the first
> place. Feel like i have been going to counseling
> forever and i still don't know everything that
> happened to me. This sucks big time. The good
> die young and quick, as for the rest of us this is
> hell atleast for me.


Church wasn't any better than Nintendo for the most part, but there were a lot of more productive things your parents could have encouraged you to do with your time. Video games in small doses probably don't create any real harm, but when used in excess, they inhibit developmentin many areas. My oldest isn;'t three yet and hasn't yet tuched a computer, video game , or cell phone. I see two-year-olds in my office all the time playing with either tablets or their parents' cell phones. They actually cry if the devices are temporarily taken away.

The time will come soon enough when my children will be introduced to technology, but not at the expense of social and motor skills or at the expense of learning to listen to and take direction from a live being.

My grandma taught me how to read before I ever set foot in school, and from then on, one of the great passions in my life has been reading. My grandma kept me supplied with comic books and other kid-level stuff when I was little.

My mother, however, almost went into a frenzy of rage if she caught me with my nose in a book. She would demand that I scrub the bathtub. I would do so, and immediately return to my book. She would demand that I fold the laundry. I would do so, find another place to read, and return to my book. She would invariably find me, and bug me to do something else. If I dared to talk back or object, she would start hitting me. That got OLD.

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I found the most wonderful place to hide! My father had built huge storage shelves, way high up near the ceiling of our lofty garage. This was in Southern California, where it was almost always warm.

I tunneled a narrow path through a jumble of cardboard storage boxes on one of the shelves (I first had to climb on Dad's work bench to access the storage shelf) and then pushed the boxes back together, so that from floor level, you couldn't see that I was there. I took a canteen of water, sometimes a snack, and a good book or two. There was light and fresh air from a vent near the ceiling.

It was Heaven! I could read to my heart's content. From time to time, my mother would poke her head out the back door and holler for me, but I would stay still as a mouse, and not answer. I could read until the daylight began to fade.

I used that hiding place for years, until I was old enough to leave home. Sure, I had friends that I hung out with. But if, for some reason, there wasn't anybody to hang out with, and I got tired of being constantly interrupted to do some irritating make-work chore, I could - and did - retreat to my hideaway on Daddy's shelf.

Mother never knew, up to and including her dying day, where my special hiding place was. Of course, I would always get punished for having disappeared for hours without telling her where I was, but it was far too wonderful a secret to divulge.

catnip Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My grandma taught me how to read before I ever set
> foot in school, and from then on, one of the great
> passions in my life has been reading. My grandma
> kept me supplied with comic books and other
> kid-level stuff when I was little.
>
> My mother, however, almost went into a frenzy of
> rage if she caught me with my nose in a book. She
> would demand that I scrub the bathtub. I would do
> so, and immediately return to my book. She would
> demand that I fold the laundry. I would do so,
> find another place to read, and return to my book.
> She would invariably find me, and bug me to do
> something else. If I dared to talk back or object,
> she would start hitting me. That got OLD.
>
> When I was 7 or 8 years old, I found the most
> wonderful place to hide! My father had built huge
> storage shelves, way high up near the ceiling of
> our lofty garage. This was in Southern California,
> where it was almost always warm.
>
> I tunneled a narrow path through a jumble of
> cardboard storage boxes on one of the shelves (I
> first had to climb on Dad's work bench to access
> the storage shelf) and then pushed the boxes back
> together, so that from floor level, you couldn't
> see that I was there. I took a canteen of water,
> sometimes a snack, and a good book or two. There
> was light and fresh air from a vent near the
> ceiling.
>
> It was Heaven! I could read to my heart's content.
> From time to time, my mother would poke her head
> out the back door and holler for me, but I would
> stay still as a mouse, and not answer. I could
> read until the daylight began to fade.
>
> I used that hiding place for years, until I was
> old enough to leave home. Sure, I had friends that
> I hung out with. But if, for some reason, there
> wasn't anybody to hang out with, and I got tired
> of being constantly interrupted to do some
> irritating make-work chore, I could - and did -
> retreat to my hideaway on Daddy's shelf.
>
> Mother never knew, up to and including her dying
> day, where my special hiding place was. Of course,
> I would always get punished for having disappeared
> for hours without telling her where I was, but it
> was far too wonderful a secret to divulge.


I remember a girk from middle school who read so much that she neglected everything including personal hygiene, class assignments that weren't ;imited to reading, social interactions, and god knows what else. She was the exception, though, and not the rule.

A love of reading is something that will get you through a lifetime of periods of boredom, one's darkest hours, and beyond that, It's pure pleasure for those of us who love it It develops a thirst for knowledge.It makes schoolwork and learning a breeze. Medical school would have been more of a trial for me than it was had I not learned to love to read.It's something to do when you're stuck in a hospital with an illness or injury. It opens up an entire world that would otherwise be unavailable. It's faster to read news than to listen to a broadcast. Reading has too many virtues for me to extol all of them.

Maybe your mom did you a favor. Perhaps she made you want to read all the more. In any event, I'm glad you found a special reading spot.

I wasn't supposed to go anywhere but our street, a short cul-de-sac that had maybe 10-12 houses on it. Everyone knew everyone else.

I stopped asking for permission to do things when I was very young, because Mother's answer was almost always "no." I tried to circumvent this by asking Dad, who was inclined to be more liberal, but after Mother raised hell a few times, he would ask me, "What did your mother say?" Back to Square One. So I just did stuff without asking, and more often than not, I got away with it.

Mother was gone during the work day, and my grandma, who lived with us, was a lot more laid back.

In the springtime, when the wild oats in the hills were green, a favorite pastime was using a flattened cardboard box to go "sledding" down a "run" made through the oats. It was lots of fun. My buddies and I had races down parallel runs.

Of course, when Mother found out about it, I was forbidden to do it (I might get hurt, see) but she had the same attitude toward nearly any activity we came up with. Grandma was a lot more liberal. She reasoned, "Just how far can you fall, from a flattened box?" She had raised two sons during the Depression, bandaged up any number of scraped knees and elbows, and was a registered nurse by training, so she could deal with just about any kind of scrape I might come up with. And she didn't lecture or fuss about how I must have been doing something stupid or I wouldn't have been hurt, which was a standard tactic with Mother.

I routinely hid injuries from Mother, as best I could, either tending to them myself or asking Grandma for help.

Both of my grandmothers were far more nurturing toward me than my mother ever was. We were never close, and for a long time after she died, I felt guilty because I felt no sense of loss.

My father - who was a sweetheart - died when I was 15. My mother began drinking alcohol heavily, and became even more difficult and disagreeable than before. I escaped to an "away" university as soon as I could. It was heaven.

My main thought, after reading through this post, is that "Joe the man ho..." and "badassadam" should get together very soon and play some video games.

Hmmmmmmm she does seem very talkative which isn't the worst thing.

Hmmmmm that could be fun. And oh IM the talkative one eh? LOL is that so? ;)