Many many years ago when I was first married, TBMS didn't send out Christmas cards; not even if you begged. I did do that in a manner of speaking as year after year I sent many cards toTBM family members and friends with no reciprocation. Then again, this was a time when "photo greeting" cards were a mere novelty sent by only a few.

Fast forward many years and it's an odd holiday greeting indeed that gets sent out without a photo of the sender. And, modest people that they are (uh-hem and eyeroll), Mormons have taken to sending out Christmas cards like fish to water.

Not satisfied with sending the professionally photoshopped family photo, I've noticed this year that TBM families have entered full force into an outright competition to see who can produce the most unusual Christmas greeting.

One couple, a Mr. and Mrs. Claus in their early sixties are decked out in elaborate costumes, wigs and all. They sit in a sleigh set in the woodland surrounded by their grown TBM children and a whole gaggle of grand and great grand children all dressed in coordinated outfits of black and red. Mrs. Claus sports such heavy eye makeup that it looks as though she's developed some sort of ocular malady.

Another family wearing lots of Christmas red and green and candy-cane stripes identify themselves as characters from the Grinch who stole Christmas.

I like to have fun but these displays seem so inane and juvenile.

I once heard someone say that in UT "immaturity is pandemic".

I agree.

Send out a card with a photo of their grandkids. Not any of their children, or themselves mind you. Just the 16 grandkids.

No one over the age of 15 need apply.

The real message:

We look like crap so we are not sending a picture of ourselves. But look how prolific we are! Our offspring are breeding like rabbits! We are important because we are winning in the Mormon contest of producing family!

(Eye roll)

I got a card today showing the youngest sitting on a toilet...other members of the family holding a roll of toilet paper, holding their noses and various other strange poses. The caption "happy holidays...hope they aren't stinky." It was certainly a WTF moment for me.

OMG. That takes the cake. LOL!

That sounds like something from the site Awkward Family Photos. It should get submitted so everyone can be embarrassed for them!

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

I'm afraid the unpleasantness of that little "greeting" would have me writing "return to sender" on the envelope and popping it back in the post.

Oh-kaay, Gemini, that gets the award for the worst Christmas card, ever!

Well, there's one worse greeting, that I would get every Christmas, when I was TBM. It was from my own Mormon Church. It would arrive in the pile of pretty cards from friends, relatives, clients, business colleagues, my vet, and my dentist. The church would send me a cheap "mimeographed" form letter. My name wasn't even on the greeting, only my address and "Dear Ward Member." The first sentence read, "It's that time of year!" Yes, it was a tithing settlement demand letter, telling me what time I was mandated to appear in the bishop's office, to "settle" my tithing.

It wasn't even a polite request for donations, as I would get from the Red Cross, SPCA, American Cancer Society, or the Heart Fund. At least my real name was on those, and they wished me warm "Season's Greetings." They would also thank me for my previous donations. No. There was no "Thank you" in the mormon letter. No appreciation for my time or for 10% of my income. It said to call them and tell the secretary if I could NOT meet the Bishop's pre-set time. The Bishop is busy this time of year, and do not inconvenience him by not answering.

Compared to the greeting sent out by their church, any Mormon card is a step up. Even the toilet card had your name on it, and it did say, "Happy Holidays", after all.

This year, the TBM cards that my TBM daughter got had about 10 pictures on the front and back.

I have gotten cards with a crowd of 40-70 people on there, all dressed alike. Turn it over, and all their names are on the back. Egotistical TBM overpopulation.

Does anyone still do the annual brag rag? Like I care what someones great granchild who I've never met is learning in kindergarten.

We don't get as many brag letters as we used to, and they are usually from older people. Yes, they brag about the numbers of children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, their trips, and their missions and/or church callings.

The photo cards are the new big thing, now, with TBM adults.

It's all influenced by Facebook, or visa-versa.

A photoshopped, fake picture is worth a thousand brags.

My ex-husband and his new wife sent my son a photo card of themselves, which the wife created on her computer. They are the same age, but she had photoshopped herself, but not him. It was hilarious! It looked like an unrecognizable, plastic-looking woman, with a wrinkled, withered old man. His cane, a breathing machine, and a box of kleenex were in the picture. I wonder if she did that on purpose.... A picture is worth a thousand words--LOL.

My dear siblings. As I sit through a three hour meeting, my heart is full. I wish that those of you who have strayed would soften your hearts and return to the true gospel of Jesus Christ, even our Lord. My children are bright spirits. Buffy is a beehive now, and she loves the Lord. Chicklet is a deacon, and he is in his quorum presidency. His patriarchal blessing promises him a leadership position in the church. He will help prepare for the coming of the Lord. Toddles is mostly good, but he must learn not to fuss in church. The adversary is working hard to mislead our two-year-old, but we won't let that happen. My sons will not masturbate, and my daughter will not be allowed to wear makeup or date until she is sixteen, and then only on group dates with adult chaperones. My husband is running a successful MLM business with a little help from Dad. I am overwhelmed with the blessings we've been given, despite the efforts of the adversary to bankrupt us and have us evicted. Sometimes we go on a rice and Ramen noodle menu at the end of the month, but we always pay our tithing. Next year we hope to welcome a new baby into our home, God willing.

(based on an actual Xmas card from a sister. Names changed)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2017 02:45AM by donbagley.

What's tragic is that the story is so typical amongst mormons.