My firstborn child was relinquished through the closed adoption system of the LDS Social Services years before. I didn't know how closed off and sealed it was from matching birth children with birth parents until well after my child was grown, and after I was able to finally locate him.

A social worker who worked in reuniting LDS adoptees with their biological families was successful in matching him with me through the vital statistics of the state where he was born.

We made contact, and he was beyond thrilled to learn of my existence. He had started searching for me earlier in that year, without success by contacting Salt Lake City church records directly for any info they might have on my whereabouts and his adoption record. What information Salt Lake City had carefully concealed up to that time (he was 30 by then,) remained sealed.

My birth son was not at any time given a medical history of my family. He was never told of his ethnic ancestry - his father was Hispanic, and I am Jewish by birth. His adoptive parents knew of his Hispanic heritage and withheld it from him. They even told him as he was growing up he was possibly half Negro instead of telling him who he really was. Owing to his dark, ruddy complexion and wavy dark hair. In a nutshell, they lied to him about his roots.

They went to great lengths to erase all traces of his history.

He was treated as an indentured servant by his parents. Raised on a farm, he was the only child until a younger sibling came along who was also adopted. He, being the only boy, did much of the farm work even as a young boy. He was disadvantaged from the beginning in that family. He didn't go to college, not right away anyway.

He went on a mission instead. He was sent to a country where the natives are black, because the Mormon church had decided he too was partially black, despite their knowledge that he was half-Hispanic when he was born. They don't give a hoot about the truth.

When he came back from his mission he pretty much ceased and desisted from church activity. He joined the Marines and started drinking, heavily. Became agnostic or atheist. He and his mother stopped speaking during that time. He hated her guts, according to his extended family. And she wasn't fond of him either according to the same people who told me that. She was described by them as weird and peculiar.

By then his dad and adopted sibling had both died, from cancer.

His mom remarried some Mormon widower with a slew of grown children of his own. You'd think she'd have been happy for her adopted son and me that I found him, at long last when I did.

Instead she freaked out. She became obsessed with him not meeting me as opposed to him and I meeting. She became outraged, according to his favorite living adoptive relative, his dad's mother. She and his adoptive dad had both wanted him to meet me before his dad died, but not his mother.

His grandmother told me if adoptive mom knew grandmom was speaking to me that adoptive mom would cut her out of her life. Grandmom was trying to relay to me how furious his mother became that I found him. And was why he isn't able or willing to meet me now because his adoptive mom has threatened him by cutting him out of any and all inheritance when she dies (she has considerable wealth from her husband's farm he left her when he died.)

Meanwhile, the social worker who helped me locate him had told me that Mormon adoptees and their biological families were her most frequent referrals. She said it's because Mormons go to great lengths to erase the birth families. No one during the time I was having my pregnancy and gave birth had explained that he nor I would never have an opportunity to meet in this lifetime. It was the social worker who told me this because Mormons were her #1 referral for that very reason.

So what did adoptive mom do when she learned it was hers and my state's vital records who allowed this earth angel of a social worker to reunite birth children with their birth families over a long period of time do? But shut her down so she couldn't assist other adoptees locate their birth families. She was a emissary for the Mormon church when she did that, and its closed adoption system.

It's been more than ten years since I located my birth son. He was going to meet me, until his other mother came between us.

And now I'm sick with breast cancer. It wouldn't phase that bitch were I to die from it. She'd probably have a party and celebrate my passing because I at long last would be out of her adoptive son's life.

The son I raised told me today he had a back channel of sorts with his half-brother for a period of time. But lost contact in the intervening years. So I hope maybe he can reconnect with him, and let him know of my illness. If he has any humanity at all for his birth mom, maybe now he'll try to reconnect while there's still time. Either that or he just doesn't give a damn.

He wants the inheritance his other mom has promised him. Money does strange things to people. It has nothing to do with religion for him. If it's money that motivates him more than meeting me now, he can keep it.

As an aside, he and I did actually meet when he was a young child. I haven't had a chance to tell him yet, but maybe someday I will get to before I die.

I was an undergrad in college near the small farming town where he grew up, unbeknownst to each of us because of the closed adoption through LDSSS. It was across the state from where I grew up. I doubt very much that LDS Social Services ever envisioned I would one day go to college, let alone be the first in my family to receive a bachelor's degree. They thought by placing him across the state would separate enough we'd never meet. Wrong.

When I was visiting a girlfriend who was employed at the time by the local Deseret Industries, as I was leaving the DI there was a tall, lanky young boy who was my birth son although I didn't know it at the time, who stopped me in the doorway as I was exiting. He was entering with some noisy little kids who were his cousins he was with that day. His mom or aunt was likely there shopping, and the kids were running wild.

He stood in the doorway and held my gaze. Both of us standing there staring into each other's eyes. Instantly it occurred to me that standing before me was my birth son who I hadn't seen since the day he was born. On that day I was able to hold him in my arms for the only time before he was whisked away from me by the LDS police.

In the hospital he opened his eyes as a newborn and looked me directly in the eyes before he was taken away from me.

That day standing in the doorway of the DI we momentarily stared into each others eyes again, maybe for the last time.

His eyes were a light almond brown very unusual and distinct color, with the light from day making them almost translucent as he stared up at me. He was searching my face. Like he was looking for his mother. I wanted to reach out and pick him up and take him from there. But knew if I did I'd be a kidnapper. It was that intense of a bond between him and I in that moment.

By the time I returned to my car I had to shake that feeling from me that anything unusual had just occurred.

Fast forward to after finding him. He sent me a photo of him in the Marines. His grandmother later sent me a photo of him when he was the age he was when he stood in the doorway of the Deseret Industries. In that moment (again,) I knew it was him I'd seen when he was yet a child.

God brought us together in the Deseret Industries that day for a purpose.

His selfish, evil adoptive mother has had her way. But she destroyed him in the process. What kind of woman would do that to her son, biological or adopted? She didn't want what was best for him, only for her.

And is still making sure he will not contact me, for at least as long as she is living.

Is it a showdown as to which of us goes first?

At this point I've pretty much given up on our meeting.

Until today when my other son shared with me he has been in touch with him while they were both working in the same town, and in the same industry. Then they lost contact with each other.

Maybe per chance, he'll try to reach out again to his half-brother. Maybe this time his evil adoptive mother will take a valium and relax. It isn't like I'm trying to steal him away from her.

She stole him from me through the LDS lying Social Services.

One good thing that came from his getting acquainted with his birth family is he learned he's Jewish through my side of his family tree. His girlfriend is Jewish. She told me the one time we spoke that her mother really wanted her to find a nice Jewish boy to settle down with. If not for making my acquaintance, neither of them would have made that connection.

:)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2018 04:30PM by Amyjo.

I can't even imagine what you have gone through during your life, Amyjo...

...and I am very, very sorry that you and your son were victimized like this because of Mormonism. I hope your son will, in the future, use the half-brother connection to connect with you.

If your son is in love with a Jewish girl, it would be great for everyone if he could learn that he is Jewish by birth. (It would certainly ease things with his future in-laws.) I hope there is some way to get this information to him because he needs to know.

Again...I am very sorry for what you have been through...which is beyond my ability to imagine. :(

Thanks, Tevai.

The church has come between me and each of my children in oh so many ways.

It stole my birth son, outright, through its lying teeth.

It has tried stealing my daughter from me, with a neurotic bishop's wife and the bishop himself who at one time used to ogle my daughter at church services. They hid her from me for six months years after we'd resigned our membership - as a form of payback I now believe because we resigned by virtue of the things the bishop's wife and YW president were doing things behind my back to undermine my authority as a mother and parent.

If there were no other reason, it is coming between a mother and child or children in my case, to separate a family and divide its members against each other.

That is just plain evil on its face. If there was a time I once believed in the BS, I now know it's all BS. Because a healthy church organization wouldn't undermine families the way TSCC does.

You once used a private eye to find your daughter.

Contact him and give him your birth son's full name and date of birth. The data bases we use will easily find him, given that he has no need to try to hide. Then you can send him a card or something, to see what the response is.

Given your status in law enforcement, they have even better data bases, but you're not supposed to use them for personal business... yeah, like that rule is strictly followed...

We know where my birth son is.

He still works in the same field he was working in when my other son and him were corresponding, and same location.

They were both employed in the same industry too for a time.

Similar interests. Shared DNA and all ... He has lots in common with his birth family.

My son will send him a message, we've already discussed that. Don't know whether it will do any good. But it can't hurt.

:)

Good luck, Amyjo. I hope this works out for you both.

Thank you very much.

You and I may argue constantly and vociferously, but this is family. You and your son have my sincerest best wishes.

I know that this must be very painful for you, Amyjo. But life is long and you never know what will happen in the future. It would be nice if the two half brothers could keep in touch.

Thanks Summer. I agree.

They're the same height, both brothers. Both tall and good looking young men. Both have very sharp intellects. Both are highly creative and intelligent.

My birth son told me after I initially located him that he always felt like a fish out of water with his adoptive kin. They shared little in common physically, mentally and intellectually. His talents were shared by no one in his adoptive relatives.

They are very common and widely distributed in his birth family. He was treated like an ugly duckling in his adoptive home, because he stood head and shoulders above them literally and figuratively.

Now he has a better sense of his origins. He is not now or ever was an ugly duckling. He's learned he is a swan. That in itself must be surely driving his adoptive mom insane since whatever I was able to share with his grandmother was relayed to Cruella De'Ville.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am a birth mother.

Were you able to keep any channel of communication with your child?

It is one of the most painful experiences of my life, made harder by the closed adoption system of the cult that is draconian in nature. It's deliberate and methodical what it does to the infants and birth families, without regard to our well being.

My late mom never stopped counting my son as her grandchild to the day she died. He was stolen from us all. His adoptive family has only been vindictive that I was able to find him. Cruel and vindictive to me for trying to make contact when I did.

The only one who was gracious toward me was his adoptive paternal grandmother. Because she's his favorite living relative, and really wants him to meet me too - I am hopeful yet that she may be the one to make a difference. Although she is also frightened of his adoptive mother because of her malice toward me. She was the one to explain to me why he's unable to meet me. She knows if his other mother found out she was corresponding with me that her DIL would cut off all communication with her next.

Sad, isn't it? For him and me, not her. She wasn't on speaking terms with him until she learned I'd found him. The manipulating *&@^%.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2018 08:51AM by Amyjo.

I am also a birthmother and I really hope your son comes around like mine did after many years. He too had a horrid, crazy adoptive mother, but he cut her out of his life after the adoptive dad died, moved away and never spoke to her again. It took him years to feel comfortable enough to have a relationship with me, because he did not know me and had such an awful concept of "Mother". Now we have a solid relationship, we love each other and say so. I wish the same for you, that your son comes to his senses and gets to know what a wonderful caring mother you are.

Thanks, JerseyGirl. I hope so too.

It's good you and yours were finally able to connect. His adoptive mom sounds a lot like my son's.

Amyjo, think of him often and gently. Forget the bitch, I know that bitterness eats one alive, and you can hate her again later. I'll say it straight - whatever time you have left on this planet, spend it loving him, not hating her.

Please believe me that in no way am I trying to discount, minimize or dismiss your rage and pain, but thinking of your recovery, and a life long enough to see her in the dirt. Refocus, for your health, for your life. I know you are a woman of faith, so have faith that you will - absolutely will - be with him again, when it is meant to be.

She will be no part of that, and you will be forever free of her stench.

Your son *is* yours. Right this moment and forever. Love away, no one can *truely*take him from you. You miss him right now, but *forever* belongs to you.

With all my love coming your way,

Someone's temporarily lost daughter

I don't hate that woman.

It is she who must feel extremely threatened by my existence not to allow our son the chance to reunite with his biological family in his lifetime.

She, along with most of his adoptive family, has treated me and his birth family with utter contempt, hatefulness, and hostility since my locating him.

Only with the exception of his grandma, his favorite adoptive relative, who wanted him and I to meet. She'd have encouraged our reunion if not for his other mother's contempt toward me and his birth family.

For that she can rot in hell for all I care. She hasn't even had the decency to extend an olive branch, or thank me for allowing her to raise my son. In her mind I nor his half-siblings exist.

His ethnicity is of no import to her, or his true identity. It's no wonder he became messed up on drugs and alcohol following his mission. I hold her responsible for her neglect and emotional abuse of my son; and for her denying him his innate fundamental right to autonomy - to want and need to identify with where he came from. She has denied him the ability to self-actualize as a healthy psychological being in his own right; and has stunted his growth.

For her contempt of him and me, I hold her accountable. He was labeled as someone having the "mark of Cain," vis-a-vie her lies as to his true origins.

No, it isn't I who hates her. She hates me, his birth mother.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2018 10:48PM by Amyjo.

>
> For that she can rot in hell for all I care.
>

But in a loving way!

I wanted to give, not take. Apologies for intruding.

Mother of Mine,

Your "intruding" was full of wisdom.

Amyjo, I, too, am so sorry you are going through this. I like the advice Mother of Mine gave. I'm going to put it to work in my own life.

This is no time for you to be treated badly. Your son knows what his adoptive mom is up to, and probably has seen a lot of bad from her--not just toward you.

There's a step mom in our mix too.

(((Amyjo))))

Thanks, Kathleen.

The cult and his adoptive parents may have meant well also. But they caused him so much more damage than they did good by him. It's preposterous really what they got away with as baby brokers.

The cult doesn't then or now give a hoot about his or my welfare. I was a lifelong LDS just like his adoptive family was. They make this huge thing about forever families, and families being forever. Then erase birth families, including the LDS ones?

No, I'm not buying it. It was a farce then and now. I was scammed out of my own child by a freaking cult!

Mother of Mine Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I wanted to give, not take.

That is exactly what LDS Social Services told me when I was under their care during the latter part of my pregnancy with Johnny (my name for him, not theirs.) How selfless it was to give up my child instead of keeping him and raising him - which was part of its mission in separating women from our children, never to be seen or heard from again.

Apologies for
> intruding.

You don't understand. You may have meant well, but you got it backwards. His adoptive mother has treated me with hate, contempt, scorn and malice.

As for who's been more forgiving, it is I of her. She wasn't fit to be a mother. Yet I was cheated of my child by a cult with nefarious intent to forever close the door to a future reunion between us. I was ERASED, along with my family, HIS biological family. He was DENIED his right all along to know who he was and where he came from.

She would have played that game for life had I not found him first. Her hatred for me and his bloodline is manifest through her actions and behavior both against him, and toward me. His history - true history, was never intended by her that he would be able to find out had I not intercepted through the aid of an earth angel who helped me to locate him. That his evil adoptive mother would prevent that social worker from helping other adoptees find their families of origin is even more despicable. She did all that hiding, manipulating, threatening and coercion with the blessing of the cult, who continues cheating and lying to LDS women, and our children through its sick and twisted method of snatching infants from their birth families.

She continues to manipulate my birth son by blackmail and threats.

If, however, you'd care to relay your same message to his adoptive mother - the one who made his life a living hell - please by all means do so. She'll kick you in the teeth, however. That's the kind of person the cult gave my child to raise for her own. He became the family farm hand instead. From the time he was a very young child up until he reached adulthood when he could finally leave that home, they had him doing the work of a grown man from almost the time he was old enough to walk.

I was promised he'd be given every opportunity in life. They even lied to me about that. He wasn't provided a higher education by them at all. He was left scrambling on his own when he first went out into the world pre-mission, and then following his mission. Which explains why he signed up for the Marines when he did. Because he had nowhere else to go, and no support from his wealthy parents to go anywhere else, including to college.



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2018 11:00AM by Amyjo.

High Desert Country of New Mexico.

After 17 years of marriage to a horrible abuser, I had a major depressive breakdown and had to be hospitalized for a couple of months. My mental circuits were so scrambled that for a week or so, I literally could not read. It was as if everything had been written in Swahili or something. (Fortunately, this didn't last long. It was terrifying.) And I am normally a voracious reader.

But my evil now-ex used the breakdown against me, said that it "proved" I was "insane," and he took my son away from me (after I had been virtually a single parent since my son was born.) He told me that if I talked to an attorney "even once," he would find out, and he threatened terrible reprisals. I was reeling in such depression and confusion, it's a miracle that I was able to remain employed. But for 8 years, my son and I were separated.

Any letters I sent him were confiscated by his horrible stepmother (with whom his father had been having an affair for years.) Any time I called, I would be told that my son could not come to the phone. Court-ordered visits between my son and me were frequently not made, because my ex knew that I didn't have the money to take him back to court to enforce the orders.

Thanks to the kindness of one of my son's friends, we were able to stay in touch. My son was not allowed access to the phone or postage stamps, but I sent stamps to his friend's house and the friend gave them to my boy at school. So correspondence between us was made possible for 8 years by this friend acting as the intermediary. Mind you, this blockage of access between us was completely forbidden by the divorce decree, but I could not afford to take the ex back to court to enforce the order. And he knew it. To this day, I have no idea if my ex has any idea of how the two of us remained in touch during those 8 years.

I hope that there is a special place in Hell for people who try to come between mothers and their children. (Well, ANY loving parent and child, really.)

As soon as my son graduated from high school, he left his father's home and drove to New Mexico. He is still here, we are still close, and he will be 42 this year. His relationship to his father is, at best, cordial.

Wishing you the best with your health issues. You are a very special person, and I'm glad I have gotten to "know" you via RfM.

Thank you Catnip.

It's incomprehensible what you endured at the hands of your ex-husband. I'm happy for you that you were able to get out of that marriage, and create a life for yourself elsewhere that you are able to be the strong and capable person you always were intended to be.

That is wonderful your son chose you, over his cruel father once he was able to grow up and leave that place (I'm not going to call it a home because it sounds like it was some kind of mental prison by which your son was finally able to escape from.)

Thanks again for your encouragement. I must not give up hope that I will meet my son again in this lifetime. It was cruel for the cult and his adoptive parent to drive that wedge between us and make it permanent that he would never be able to find me once he came searching. If not for my tenacity and that earth angel where he was born, we still wouldn't know of each other's existence.

My other son would like to meet him too. My daughter wanted to. Not being able to meet him was a huge disappointment for my other children as well, not only for me.

((((Hugs))))