I remember the first time I ever doubted the doctrination I must've been 10 or 11 years old. I don't know if it was a poor teacher or just the way the culture of the church was then, but I understood in a sunday school class that my oldest sister (who formally left the church when I was 7 or 8 years old) wouldn't live with us in the eternities. She was my favorite sibling and it bugged the hell out of me.
I started researching online to see if it was legit, found some anti stuff and told my parents. All of a sudden we had FHE every monday and scripture study every night, long spiritual talks every chance they got me alone. I describe them as being "teachy-preachy" in that phase of my life. Never did get a real answer out of them or anyone in the church I asked.
Unfortunately, I gave in to their teaching and preaching and succumbed to the lies for a few more years till I had a falling out again in high school.
Then it wasn't just teachy preachy, there were threats to receive no financial help in my education, threats to not live under the same roof if I didn't live under their rules (they were my parents rules not just the mormons), etc.
When I was twelve I told my father that I was agnostic. I had never felt comfortable with my Mormon upbringing. It was too anti-intellectual for me. I was taught that scientists were liars working for the devil. My father was college-educated, and still he refused to believe in evolution or old Earth geology. It sucked!
I was punished, cut off, and even sent to a boys ranch. Somehow, all of that made me hate the religion even more.
Oh yea, I forgot, I was sent to a [boys] 'Christian' ranch too, where most of the other kids were foster kids - I just had Mormon parents/ supposed guardians, and didn't believe any of that s*** or follow all the stupid mormonite rules.
I thought for myself and look way it got me: freedom and happiness. Not I mention TRUTH.
So much for Seminary (where you don't learn a damn bit of truth about religion), especially the one you are supposedly studying (JSR: Joseph Smith's [made up] Religion)!
Until age 10 or so, I didn't even think about it. From about 10 until 16, I resisted a bit -- but always secretly. I thought if anybody knew I thought it was BS, I'd lose family and friends. From about 16 to 19, I let slip a few "doubts" to others. And openly "rebelled" just a little bit. Mostly continued to have my doubts and rebellion in secret.
At 19 I went on a mission, and for the first year was the model of humble obedience -- outwardly anyway, inwardly for the most part.
For the second year, I became more and more cynical and open about criticism of BS, both doctrine and mission rules. Though doing so stopped my "progression" in the mission (I never made zone leader!), my first-year "obedience" bought me slack for the second year from the authorities.
After the second year, when I came home, I openly rebelled...and left.
I was around 8 ish when the first light bulb was illuminated.
I was given one of those gold covered Book of Mormon copies. I was sitting in the chapel of the seattle second ward building and I was looking at the markings Smith had produced thinking "this looks like a kid did it"
I loathed every single Sunday until 1999, but I went. There was no option for me, it was MANDATORY, however, I would skip every class I could.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2018 09:49AM by Levi.
I was about 6 when my dad sat me down and explained Joseph Smith and mormonism to me. I knew for certain what he was describing didn't feel right to me. It didn't match my human experience to date, and seemed made up. I just didn't "believe" it. When he told me I "had" to believe it, live it, and die for it, and there was no other choice, I felt like I had just been put in a box and buried alive. At times I wanted to run away, die, etc...just to escape a life of mormonism. I felt that way the most at 10 - 12 years old.
I played sick a lot, sometimes just openly said I didn't want to go to church, etc. That caused arguments between my dad and I, culminating in my mother stopping him from beating me for not wanting to go to church one time when I was about 10 or 11. There was talk a time or two about sending me somewhere for my non-belief and rebellious behavior.
The only part of mormonism I enjoyed were the friends I could associate with at church and church activities. Outside of church, I didn't want anyone to know I was mormon. I was embarrassed by it and kept it as hidden as possible from my friends. My non-church friends were always my best friends. But I also did some things I may not have done, just to "prove" how worldly or cool I was to those friends. Mormonism made me feel like I had to do things that were very non-mormon in order to be accepted.
By the time I was 13, my parents had been through some pretty big stuff with some of my older siblings...brother that eloped before his mission, sister that got pregnant in high school, sister that went of to be a hippie, so they had backed off of me regarding church. "Leave them alone and they'll come home" kind of thinking. First it was so I could play in a county soccer league on Sunday's....if I went to sacrament meeting, and that gradually slipped into full inactivity though out my teens and into my 20's.
With no major issues or setbacks from my teen years, at 21, I decided to get serious about life and that included a redo of mormonism. That lasted about 4-5 years and then I was done for good. And now, life is good :)