Hey Badass, how are you feeling today? It’s been about nine days since the surgery, I’m hoping the incision is healing well, and that your pain levels are low.

That was quite a rant on my part last Sunday. I think I edited 14 f-bombs. Not a record for me, but it was overkill. I remember ne poster who poignantly wrote, sometimes there aren’t enough f-bombs...

Anyhow, Bro, I need to take a vacation from RfM. I’m going to finally get around to making some YouTube videos. Hey, you’ll get to see the Boner in action! (That didn’t sound quite right). But, I’m going to check the Board a couple of times to read your posts.

Badass, I’m an old fart, I’ve got kids your age. I care a lot about you, and, Bro, I love you. To be honest, you’re pretty easy to love. You’re a wonderful man who has been hurt deeply. Your smart, funny, and tender under all the pain. I fully understand your anger. I hope you’ll be able to let a lot of it go as you heal. Remember the toilet paper, take a leak, then flush strategy.

Badass, you’ll always be in my thought and well-wishes for strength and recovery. As I said, I’ll check in to read and respond to your posts as I can.

Badass, I love you man. You’re quality stuff. Someday, I want to sit and drink coffee with you. I mostly want to shake your hand and see your beautiful smile in person. I want to tell you how much I value your friendship. And yeah, there will be a Bro-hug at the end.

Here’s to you, BadassAdam, here’s to a quality man who’s healing, here’s to friendship, here’s to support from a RfM, here’s to cussing, here’s to coffee and beer, here’s to all thing good coming your way! I love you man! The Boner.

Hey Boner,

I havent been on this site in a while. And I know this message wasnt directed towards me.

But I just wanted to tell you Im glad to see you are still giving words of encouragement in your unique way.

I still remember your kindness towards me on this board in the past, hope you have a good day.

Oh hell, NonSeq! It soooooo good to hear from you! How’s Pete! I hope you’re doing well. If you post, I’ll be sure to read and comment. Big hugs, Bro! Da Bone.

Da Boner is good for the soul. Blessed to count him as a pal.

Thanks for the shout out boner. I am pretty sure the pain is lower than nine days ago haha. Unless the pain meds are just really working that good. I have been worried about a lot of things in recovery, i do have other painful areas such as my legs and my SI joints. I am not really sure what to do about that after i am done healing from this procedure. I have never been a healthy and having no pain person in a very long time so its kind of weird to think about maybe getting out of pain totally and getting off all pain meds and just being my natural self again. I realized another thing in this recovery, i am very afraid of the church and my father. The church or my father will never admit they are in a cult no matter how much i improve. It's almost like i feel like my dad hopes that i never get well, he has always questioned my surgeries in almost an opposing manner and is not happy that i need to distance myself from him and everything toxic. Even i know i will not be manipulated or walked on like before once i am totally recovered from all things. I am pretty serious about getting totally healthy no matter what it takes. Anybody that has judged me or talked trash about me i have kicked to the curb and that includes direct family. I have to, i have no other choice i told my counselor today. The cult equals misery and death for me and i always need to remember that. They can have their pretend fantasy in the clouds i don't want it. I want to be the badass. The gritty motherf#cker that doesn't give a sh#t what people do or say. It has been so f#cking long since i have felt like myself boner and it is pretty ridiculous. Everyone else gets to live the life that they want so why the f#ck can't I, why do i have to hide in the shadows and submit so they can live their fantasy. It's f#cking bullsh#t, i was born to destroy that cult i swear to god. I don't really know how but me just being myself may wreck their whole operation. Just being a badass in front of the people that are in mental slavery may make a difference i don't f#cking know. I have a dream boner haha, that one day the children of the cult will all get out of the cult and be able to play with all the other kids haha. I have a god d@mn dream. Anyways i wantt things to be better and different when i bring my own children into the world. They WILL NOT go through anything i went through. They will not be brainwashed, they will not hate themselves or their bodies, they will not feel guilty for every d@mn thing they do, they will know they have a father that loves them more than god ever loved me or anyone else. They will not be in abusive situations like church. I am just saying my kids are going to be F#CKING normal without the brainwashing, without any of that handshake death oath sh#t. I don't even know if i will ever be normal and that is kind of scary. The whole cult experience was scary throughout my life. Never again.

what purpose do you think the church serves for your father? What is your family's history in the cult? Do you know how long your family or your father has been in the cult? Do you know what purpose the cult served in your family if they converted? If someone in the family was a convert, what was the problem or thing in the culture or family they were avoiding or seeking salvation from in the cult? Can you do a family tree issues geneology? Can you do a family tree testimony at different phases geneaology? Like what were those who weren't Mormon in your family tree? What were the successes and failures or strengths and worries of people in your family tree? What were the cultures the culture's strengths welcoming your family tree members and the culture's difficulties and ostacles to economic prosperity facing your family members on your family tree? through history? as far as you can trace is?

you may need to google economic indicators or employers or geological facts in the past (such as ghost towns your family tree members once operated businesses in) or something. It could be interesting.

You might have time. Just wondering. The words you typed might have been "my father' or "my father and the church"
and I think itd be a fascinating narrative or exploration, if you don't want to type maybe you could narrate your investigation or read parts of it aloud.

just think traveling through time with Adam looking into what made his family Mormon. Maybe change last names or like blot out last names to avoid litigation through defamation /like reputation of character for living folks. um can the living sue on behalf of the dead? that'd be a problem. change the last name doing your you tubes. Maybe that's enough to protect you. But itd be like, that public television guy who does photo shoots touring California's byways. You could do that touring Adam's family tree (like go visit. see the ghost town. see the prosperity dry up in the dust bowl town, or the silver mining town you've got it all in your geneology.) Lots of people would watch.

Not really sure how far back my cult family goes to be honest. One of my grandfathers converted to marry my grandmother but my grandmother's parents were mormon i believe. My other grandparents were both mormon and i think their parents were as well. So the cult does go pretty far back in my family. Hopefully i am not related to joseph smith or brigham young. I don't think i am otherwise i know for sure my family would gloat about it. My dad is a big geneology guy, if anybody would know my family history it is him. He loved those dead people more than he loved his own family i can attest to that. I am pretty curious how far back my cult family goes though now that you bring it up, i know it is at least the late 1800's.

Interesting idea,"Painting:" a spiritual family tree. My son had to do it as part of his entry into (a Protestant) seminary, He found we have ancestors who may have heard the great heretic John Wycliff preach, traced others in and out of Catholicism, and all the way down to my own conversion. He then distilled it into a very effective sermon.

Indulge me as I reiterate a theme, or philosophy, I've posted here at least a few times: As an American, what's important who I am, in the here-and-now, not where I (i.e. my lineage) come from. What is important is what I am doing with my life, the difference and the decisions I make that affect me and those about me, and the future that results from them. America is the land of new opportunities and fresh starts.

"Yesterday's land grabbers, horse thieves, brigands and scoundrels are today's 'honored, revered forebears.'"

PS Adam, can I still use that address I used a while back?

Caeffiend I agree about being the in the "here and now" as an American. I was more interested in the theme of joining for religions due to economic hardship or economic opportunity being explored through the generations or finding the one who left the ancestoral tribal cultural religion- * and why, what was the economic or survival impetus.

Second I was interested in the family issues if any could be ascertained - WERE there any particular issues about the person that joined the cult? Was it recently? for instance, the adam I knew in college was a very very recent convert, had enrolled in our university accepted admittance before he converted (it was such a party school) but said, his parents, both successful professionals further south and inland from his college he went to freshmen dorms at, were both alcoholics. And he loved to party so perhaps so was he, but they were really were, alcoholics. Then he waited and left college to go on a mission, returned from the mission, enrolled in a different university I also happened to attend, married in the temple to a staunch generations long lds family and the rest is history.
So there was, a reason , for that person's conversion, related to issues in their own family.

I was suggesting to This adam on the board that he identify the reasons for the active or inactive, the convert, or the generational cult members in his family- by doing an issues geneology.

It helps you understand your own issues, and it helps you understand your family's generational response to religion and authority fairly well, if you have obvious information. And, some people don't. I don't think it'll reconvert him. Itd give him amazing information & he already makes you tubes. But that's only if recent folks with actual job and personal history are alive to interview.

caffiend Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Interesting idea,"Painting:" a spiritual family
> tree. My son had to do it as part of his entry
> into (a Protestant) seminary, He found we have
> ancestors who may have heard the great heretic
> John Wycliff preach, traced others in and out of
> Catholicism, and all the way down to my own
> conversion. He then distilled it into a very
> effective sermon.
>
> Indulge me as I reiterate a theme, or philosophy,
> I've posted here at least a few times: As an
> American, what's important who I am, in the
> here-and-now, not where I (i.e. my lineage) come
> from. What is important is what I am doing with my
> life, the difference and the decisions I make that
> affect me and those about me, and the future that
> results from them. America is the land of new
> opportunities and fresh starts.
>
> "Yesterday's land grabbers, horse thieves,
> brigands and scoundrels are today's 'honored,
> revered forebears.'"
>
> PS Adam, can I still use that address I used a
> while back?

I am trying to be all about the here and now because it is healthy to do this, it's not healthy to dwell on dead people and the history that has already happened.

Yea if you send something to that address it should get to me eventually. I would give you my real address but not here in the open. Maybe over email or something.

"Painting:" My long post, above, was not intended as a dispute, and I appreciate your responding in a positive tone. Upon re-reading the thread, I think you have a very useful point, especially when we examine one's parents' and grandparents' conversion: If you can understand what brought them into LDS, you can better understand the ties that bind them to it.

That might give insight into how those ties can be loosened and broken, OR (going negative here) explain why a parent might disavow a child who has gone apostate.

That happened to me, but in my "cult of origin," Christian Science. I didn't just go apostate, I went full-fledged anti-Christian Science, mailing and handing literature like what you would find at Sandra Tanner's "Lighthouse Ministries" bookstore. My mother had nothing to do with me, except for a brief while during my father's decline and death.

So, Adam and "Painting:" Whereas we need to focus on the here/now and a realistic future, exploring the family's spiritual/religious tree might be fruitful (pun intended!).